the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Jizz drippers and hen fuckers

Before you ask, let me clarify: I have no bloody clue what the title of this post means. It just popped into my head, sounded vaguely poetic, and is sure to generate more page hits from weird fuckers using search engines to satisfy their unholy urges.

I've stolen a meme that I saw over at Meggan's place; actually, I've stolen and customized/mutilated it. In its original form, one was instructed to post the first sentence from the first post of every month in 2006. But in doing so, I found that I was dredging up things upon which I'd just as soon not dwell, given the newness of the year and all.

So, in the spirit of using my artistic license to drive much too fast on city streets, I've taken my favorite sentence from each month of 2006, and have arranged a nice little retrospective for my first post of this year. Feel free to sing along if you know the words.

***************

January: Dime-sized hemorrhoids, boiling diarrhea, and rectal gonorrhea...could this get worse?

February: But then again, if genitals were free, how would I make my two dollars?

March: Drunken certainty and self assurance: they will team up to fuck you in the ass like a rabid, unlubricated triceratops.

April: Adorable face looked up at me, emitted a belch that would put legions of frat boys to shame, and then vomited an enormous helping of half-digested kibble at my feet.

May: Urine straight from a derelict's tiny dangling dick would probably be a higher quality beverage.

June: I guess, deep down, I could tell that they were the femme-iest boys in school, even though at the time I had no concept of boys who chomp cock.

July: Makes me wanna take the rolling pin out of my cavernous vagina and admonish you all with it.

August: Why, why, WHY did someone find it necessary to add what is either an anus or a poop stain to the duck's ass?

September: "Oh my gawd, Roo's nutsack looks like Colonel Sanders!"

October: If you don't think that hurt like hell, then I suggest you go jab a red-hot meat fork in your nipples.

November: Take that, Father Time, you cocksucker!

December: "DO NOT PUT YOUR ASS ON MY FACE! That's crossing the line!"

***************

Happy new year, all y'all!

20 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Wait a minute -- is this possible? I don't think you visit me without leaving your mark, and I didn't see you on my post last night. Yet, my opening paragraph last night held the sentence, "What a night to rape a hen!", as translated from the Portuguese, and tonight, look at you!

Folks, I think we may have a minor miracle on our hands! Or else we'e just simultaneously evolved knuckleheads!

3:23 AM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger mrtl said...

Happy New Year, Bucky! (Thought of you with my recent post. Come take a look-see, eh?)

11:37 AM, January 02, 2007  
Anonymous Ortizzle said...

Geez. Amazing one-liners. Let us know what the site meter dredges up, ha, ha.

11:49 AM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger SierraBella said...

How could one not read your blog with such titilating subject matter?

Happy New Year Bucky!

1:27 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

Tee hee, titillating subject matter. :)

Those are sure to get you some hits. The majority of mine are from people who don't know how to spell squirrel.

3:40 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Happy 2007, Bucky.

That going back and reading and copying and pasting the first sentence of the first blog of each month sounds like a lot of work! Of course, so was writing the preceding sentence.

6:34 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Ok, Bucky, are you going to pay for the repairs to my computer because I spewed my coffee allover it due to uncontrollable laughter??

7:49 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Emily - that is some SCARY shit!

Mrtl - BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

Ortizzle - I'm sure my "clientele" will now be even more, um, "diverse."

Sierrabella - Happy new year to you too, chickie! I hope you will find me as titillating this year.

Squirl - at least your bad spellers don't come looking for "labia" EVERY DAY.

SS Nick - it took me HOURS to go through all my posts from last year, and I was even kind of a slacker last year, blogwise. Heaven help me if I'd had to go through my 2005 posts in a similar manner. Happy new year to you, also!

HTGT - Fiero put me up to it. Something about your tagging him as an "asshole"?

8:02 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger whfropera said...

all of them, words to live by.

8:29 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Chairman Bucky's Little Red Book.

8:47 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Lynn said...

Bucky! I am bitterly disappointed. You left out my all-time favorite! What happened to the dollop of dick pudding, huh?

9:19 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger hellokittn said...

My favorite Bucky-ism from January was something to the tune of "like an ewok in a bear trap." I still use that one in completely displaced glee just to let people know I'm still deranged in here.

9:38 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Opera gal - or at least, words to run from.

Nilbo - as opposed to Bucky's little black book, which is full of 900 numbers.

Lynn - in all truth, I did consider that when looking through September, and it was just barely edged out by Roo's nutsack. For your enjoyment, here is the sentence from my Sept 1, 2006 post:
At least I never had a chance encounter with a dollop of dick pudding whilst working.

hellokittn - always nice to know somebody still keeps one of those little bastards in a bear trap.

9:44 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Lynn said...

Thank you, Bucky. I feel better now :-)

9:58 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

I see a very successful calendar in your future. Complete with illustrations for those monthly words of wisdom (or jizzdom!).

11:54 PM, January 02, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

I will certainly be using some of these moving quotes in my Sunday Posts. :)
I was thinking of doing the meme, too, but you've pretty much ruined it for the rest of us. Whadda we got that compares with this? Nuthin', that's what.
We bow.

8:54 AM, January 03, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You could have at least listed the hen fuckers before the jizz drippers.

1:08 PM, January 03, 2007  
Blogger limpy99 said...

"it was just barely edged out by Roo's nutsack."

And here in the comments we find the clear front-runner for the Jan. 2007 entry.

5:37 PM, January 03, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

I love Kranki's idea -- a year of jizzdom from Bucky, month by month. Think of the photos and the photoshopping opportunities! I'll take three calendars when they're ready, please.

11:09 AM, January 07, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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3:23 AM, January 29, 2010  

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