the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Please hide the Pop-Tarts this time

Tobacco has always pretended to be my friend, ever since I was a tiny toddlin' tot. I just always knew that I would smoke. Both my parents smoked when I was a kid, but you can't really blame it on that, as none of my siblings ever had more than a passing acquaintance with cigarettes. No, this little dance was all my idea.

By age 13, I'd developed a serious jones for Marlboro Reds, and by the time I was in high school, I preferred a Camel (nonfilter) to any other smoke, except a free one. One of the best decisions I ever made was when I quit smokin' for my New Year's resolution in 1988. It was full-blown withdrawal, skin-crawlin', brain-tinglin', husband-bitchin', poptart-eatin', weight-gainin', non-stop cravin', dreamin'-about-cigs hell for a long, long time; the dreams continued nightly for over a year. So, what kind of dumb motherfucker takes up smokin' again 10 years later?

This dumb motherfucker:
Birthday smoke 2
Havin' a birthday smoke

Yup, I started again in '98. And I have to admit - I love to smoke. Just plain enjoy it. I would describe the pleasure I derive from my tobacco, but there's no way it wouldn't sound sexual, and this is a wholesome, family-oriented site, after all.

Would you like another look at the dumb motherfucker?
Birthday smoke 1
Dumb motherfucker, with alcohol added

I say all this as a preface to my rather embarassingly public announcement that I quit smokin' today. My urge to tell you here is probably largely rooted in justification for postin' the goofy cigar pictures ("The silly drunken face is in context now, yeah..."). I'm not really sure how this will play out for me here, but I suspect my writing will be a little more manic than usual.

And if I'm a bitch, it's only 'cause you love it.

28 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Torrie said...

This makes me so happy.
We are here if you need us.
If you have the desire to smoke, just call or email one of us and we will distract you until it passes.

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if you quit and your voice stated to sound like Minnie Mouse?

11:15 PM, May 31, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Bucky. I need to go there with ya, gal. I'm down to 2 or 3 a day. You can do it. We'll all think perverted thoughts for you.

11:40 PM, May 31, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

I only smoke after sex. I'm down to a pack a day.

Seriously, though ... Wednesday morning I'll be gobbling the Zyban and embarking on the same journey. I, too, once quit for an extended time, only to stupidly start again. But it's time.

A year from now, we can kiss and marvel at one another's sweet breath. And maybe invite Jessica to join us. We'll call it a reward.

For her.

12:17 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

If you need any help, just email me I have lots of suggestions for things you can put in your mouth heh.

Im so proud of you!!

12:17 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Nilbo, stop stalking me, weirdo.

12:18 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Closet Metro said...

Good luck! With the money you save on coffin nails, you could buy more guitars!! Call my broker, sell the Phillip Morris, buy Fender!!

12:42 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

GOOOOOOD LUCK! Now you have thousands of people to hold you accountable if you FAIL!


12:52 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I'm so happy and proud to hear that. I'm here for you any time! Let me know if I can do anything.

6:57 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

Licorice and lollypops baby! Best wishes!

7:41 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Torrie - man, if my voice changes, I'll have some interesting audio blogs for y'all.

Dazed - I am one weak-willed bitch. If I can do it, there's hope for everyone. And the perverted thoughts always help (uh, that goes for all y'all).

Nilbo - Good for you, perv boy! And I'm sure Jess would totally think of it as a reward - for her - to be invited to the smoke-free kissin' match. Practicing my pucker now...

Jess - things I can put in my mouth? Like gum and lemon drops, you mean? Or is this one o' them not-so-subtle attempts to get me down on the muffin? Naaaaah, nice girl like you wouldn't be anglin' for the tongue of a jonesin' smoker, would you? I'm sure you meant cough drops.

Closet - sad to think how many guitars I coulda bought with all that money I spent on smokes, even just this last time I took up the nasty habit. Gotta go fire up that pink Tele now and show it some love...

Spoonie - heh, yeah, I hesitated before I posted this, then decided that the peer pressure might just put me over the edge to success. And I feel ever so much better that a nurse is lookin' in on me (and is ready to spelunk, if need be).

Squirl - surprise! Sorry to make you wait until the Internet as a Whole was told, but I really only decided on Monday.

And people: Great googly moogly, but I want a smoke! Will drink a Dr. Pepper and walk really really fast around the building now. Quick-time harch.

Thanks for all the good (and nasty) thoughts, you guys. It's nice to know there are a lotta people I can pester if I get too jones-y.

7:42 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kitty, you snuck one in there!
I'll skip the licorice (unless it's red), but lollipops are definitely my bag, baby.

And thanks for the lovely song on your site. Brought a tear to my thigh...

7:46 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

Awesome, Bucky! Here is a song I remember from tv:

"Smoking makes your teeth yellow!
Smoking makes your clothes
Smoking bugs the next

Um. That's all I can remember.

Good on ya for quitting.

7:51 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

And I meant every damn word of it baby! Cuz I'm pretty when you're drunk :)

I actually knew someone that had the perfect "Quit Kit" idea - yet, I do not recommend it. This dude would buy a bag of illegal smokey goodness and everytime he wanted a cigarette he'd roll up a mary jane version. By the end of the first week he would be so stoned that he wouldn't remember that he ever smoked.

Stupid Michitgander.

SPD - Bucky with a lollipop. Bring all those boyz to the yard!

9:17 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

You GO, sir! This is such good news. Do whatever it takes. Eat Pop-Tarts, email pictures of your ass, whatever it takes, sweetie ;)

9:27 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

How funny that I happened to be having my morning Pop-Tart (strawberry, unfrosted) when I pulled up your site.

YAAAAAAAAAAY for you, Bucky! I think you know from my site that I'm an anti-smoking gal (asthmatic daughter and all that), so I'm so PROUD of you for taking such a big step. Best of luck to you, and I'm sending good vibes your way.

(Sorry for the mushiness. I know how you hate that. I'll try to be more slutty next time. Or maybe I should've said "I'm sending good vibrators your way"??)

10:00 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Smoking icky, quitting not. Yeah to the Buckster!

10:33 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Joseph said...

Um...sir, yes, hello sir. I just, you know, wanted to say sir that I'm oh so very proud of you for this. I know it's hard and sometimes it will be even difficult to take, but you're on your way and as one of your designated bitches I'm here to take any and all whippings you need to dish out, sir, to allieviate your urges.

(my dad used to buy the fireball jaw breakers to suck on...I think it was the cinnamon flavor that helped him. Jolly ranchers too.)

10:44 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...


11:18 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

*cough cough cough*

damn, i need to quit.

11:18 AM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Amy - I'm gettin' all kinds of songs today. I shoulda gotten old and quit smokin' months ago...

Kitty - while that might be the most interesting quit kit I've had suggested to me, I suspect that my work might suffer just a bit...not to mention the fact that I would live at Arby's drive-through and weigh 400 pounds by next week.

Susie - I take that as an invitation to email you pictures of my ass. Maybe LG should leave the room before you check...

LadyBug - send poptarts and vibrator, I think they will all help. I'll try not to get 'em mixed up.

Mr. B - your new profile pic fascinates and haunts me. And thanks!

Greenie - come and take your whippin', you designated bitch, you! Yeehaw! Just grab onto the chaps for leverage.

Kristine - thank ya, ma'am! It's not as pimpy and cool as one o' your designs, but I was just 'shamed of myself for leavin' the default template for so long. And anytime you decide to give up the Marlboros, you know you can bitch at me and I'll understand.

12:03 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

How I love to fascinate and haunt the assless & smoke-free Bucky!

1:14 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

HA! Bucky, your response to my comment made me think of a joke I got via email a few years ago.

Ethel goes to the doctor, complaining that she can't hear.
The doc looks in her ear and says, "Well, no WONDER you can't hear, Ethel. You've got a suppository in your ear!"
Ethel shakes her head and says, "Oh, dear. Well, I think I know where my hearing aid is, then."

1:17 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Spurious Nurse said...

Pop Tarts are a perfectly acceptible smoking substitutes. Just as many toxic chemicals, plus sugar!

2:47 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger SWSNBN said...

Yay, hurray for Bucky!
I'm a "sometimes" smoker. Basically when I drink or am riding in a smoker's car.

3:52 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

i quit in 1989 and have never gone back hang in there.

4:12 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

(sigh) OK, today I suck. But tomorrow ... for sure ...

8:21 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger Schmootzie said...

I used to smoke, but I decided that I wanted my insides to be pink for the autopsy.

The patches are better. You can put them on and stay in the building. I don't smell (like smoke, anyway) and I still get all the second hand smoke I can handle if I look for it.

Good luck. The nicotine demon is an evil bastard.

9:02 PM, June 01, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

I'd say something clever, but they're playing The Wiggles' "The Monkey Dance" on tv.

3:05 AM, June 02, 2005  

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