the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, September 09, 2005

They need to put warning labels on this shit

UPDATED to include a photograph of my horrible, disfiguring injury. Scroll down only if you have a strong stomach.

Dear Diary,

I've always thought of myself as a reasonably intelligent person. I can hold a job, hold a conversation, hold down a Magna Cum Laude GPA in college. I can paint, I understand musical notation up to a point, I've been known to make a rhyme or two in my time, I can even discuss politics if the need arises.

So how is it that Renaissance Woman cut her hand on a fucking Milkbone this morning?

Yes. Milk fucking Bone. Broke the skin on my hand. I yelped. The dog was surprised. The Milkbone was unrepentant.

I hereby relenquish my Mensa membership card.

This is the pad under my left index finger. Isn't it almost impossible to view? I soldiered on, though, and stoically refused medical treatment.

Didn't know I was such a tough-ass bitch, did you?

32 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Torrie said...

I once cut myself on a plastic yogurt container.
I feel your pain.

10:03 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Are you sure this isn't a case of sucky packaging? Poorly packaged pooch nutrients taking the form of a deadly weapon? Shall I send in The Gnome?

10:14 AM, September 09, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Personally, I'm glad to hear that you're human after all. See, we've all held you in such high regard, you were one step away from a divine being.

But don't feel bad. I once tripped five times on smooth linoleum (but that's championship stuff and I can't do it EVERY time).

10:22 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

You know there are those who would sue the company for physical damage. Since there was no warning labels, you could win. :)

10:32 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

Did you say you were injured while handling both milk and bone? Speaking as a legal professional, I'd have to know whose milk and whose bone before I could evaluate your potential damages.

10:48 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

You're related to me. You can't help it.

10:50 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

I believe an explanation (and possibly pictures) is in order.

11:49 AM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

LOL!! says the woman who managed to cut herself to the point of needing stitches with a BUTTER knife.
Even the triage tech in the emergency room was unable to refrain from laughing at me.

12:00 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Heehehe--I'm sorry I just can see myself doing something like that--to match my cuts and bruises collection. I think I may have done it once--breaking one in half for my mom's dog....

12:16 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Mahala said...

I'm assuming you cut yourself breaking it in half. I think Snickers used some psychic mojo on you to teach you a lesson to just give him the whole damned thing next time.

12:21 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...


1:18 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

I am forever coming home with cuts that I don't realize I even have. You'ld think a smart guy would at least remember how he got them!

2:37 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

I think it's proof of your Mensa worthiness. They say I'm brilliant and I've done who knows how many of those not-so-clever things? The one that comes most promptly to mind is the time I was really late, grabbed my jacket and ran out the door, pulling the jacket on as I ran. Got the first sleeve on fine, swung the jacket around while still high-speeding, jammed my next arm in and -- lordy! watch that follow through! -- it kept going. Socked myself in the jaw so hard that I was actually KNOCKED DOWN! Knocked my ownself off my feet!

3:19 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Torrie - maybe we're related? Do you fall down easily and for no apparent reason, too?

Mr. B - I'm not sure how the Gnome would fare around Snickers. Maybe just a stern Gnome warning.

Dazed - damn, there goes my divinity. *angels abruptly stop singing*
Tripped five times on smooth linoleum, huh? You sure you're not my son?

Nanina - Damn, I'll never have to work again! Hot dog!

Eclectic - um, well, that is, er, um...huh huh you said "milk" and "bone"

Squirl - it's a family thing. *thud*

LadyBug - I will add a photo when I get home. Sadly, I was only breakin' one in half when it happened. Damn jagged dog treats...

Opera gal - a BUTTER knife?
*bowing to my idol*

Effie - YES! That's exactly what I was doin'!

Romani Heart - I think you may be right. Only whole milkbones from now on.

Mrtl - if you came here lookin' for something to make sense, you came to the wrong blog, darlin'!
Gumby says he misses you.

Bear - I do that with bruises. I quite often sport huge bruises, and I have absolutely no clue as to their origin. I guess it's hard to distinguish one bump into an inanimate object from another when one does it all day long.

3:24 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Emily - good lord, you had some momentum goin' there, didn't you?
Knocked yourself right the fuck down! That is truly classic.

3:25 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Please do not doubt the power of The Gnome.

3:47 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Mr. B - you have outdone yourself with your latest profile pic!
Bravo! *claps*

4:41 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I just saw the picture. I think the Gnome should be sent in.

And I just left a comment at Mr B's site about his new profile pic. I love it.

5:27 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I'm worried. It wasn't that long ago that we saw other pix of your injured paws. Do we need to mitten you? Whassup with all the hand-hurting?

5:34 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Squirl - well, if you guys all think the Gnome should become involved, then maybe it's for the best. He can stay in my yard - I don't think the gargoyles will mind.

Susie - you not only need to mitten me, you probably need to put me in a helmet most of the time, too.
Now you've seen both hands injured (though this one is really more of an annoyance than an injury), I can get busy bustin' my legs and stuff.

5:41 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

I've got one:
The day after getting over food poisoning, I get my smelly self in the shower and proceed to split open my thumb on the lid of the shampoo bottle. What fun.
Hang in there--it will feel better soon. :o)

7:28 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

M_D - is that insult to injury or injury to insult?

7:59 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

We could wrap you in bubble wrap.

8:31 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Thank you, thank you. Just sorry I couldn't have posted it and saved you some pain. The Gnome has been sent. Expect him shortly.

8:42 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

You fall down in chicago, flinging yourself into a sand pit of doom, now you almost sever your thumb from your hand playing with a boner?

What am I going to do with you?

9:53 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Unknown said...

A Milk Bone? No wonder my dog refused to eat the damned things!

10:22 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger SWSNBN said...

I can fall down for no reason too.

Once I managed to cut myself opening a SHAMPOO bottle.

And once, I cut my nipple and I don't even know how.

So, how's that for talented.

Do I win??? :)

10:56 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Susie- you know I couldn't help but pop it all before it got a chance to do me any good.

Mr. B - the Gnome showed up and demanded panties. Somethin' I should know here?

Jess - I guess this will teach me that a boner is a loaded weapon and can be dangerous, even fire prematurely, when mishandled.

SS Nick - well, I guess your dog is smarter than I am! That shit's got jagged edges, man!

She who... You cut your nipple and don't know how?

11:15 PM, September 09, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...


4:30 AM, September 10, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Well, just that, uh, these are stressful times and that even The Gnome forgets his manners? He certainly should have said "please"...and why the hell he didn't ask for bras to is beyond me.

But I thank you for the info.

9:38 AM, September 10, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Oh, the horror!

10:16 AM, September 10, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

I'll file that under the "how in the f*ck did that happen file" in between the the time Kerry walked into a sliding glass door and actually made it through the door and when Katie opened the door to a public loo and popped her toenail off. The account of how I managed to fall out of a canoe... which was beached on hard land... and left a face print in the sand is somewhere in there too. I keep that file right next to the one full of unexplained hickeys and scratches on my back.

If you have anything to add to the other file, please let us know. Inquiring minds and all...

11:01 AM, September 10, 2005  

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