the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Leapin' jizzy lizards!

If you've never been awoken at 4:15 a.m. by your cellphone playing Maroon 5 Harder to Breathe, which means you have a text page from the web server, which means you have to go restart the web server, you just haven't lived, pal o' mine. That was precisely the manner in which my day began, and when I'd finished with the business at hand, I was awake enough to idly cruise a few blogs. God, was that a mistake!

I thought Jess was my friend, until, at the suggestion of her latest post, I followed the link on this post at 4:30 this morning, and promptly gouged my eyes out with pointy origami (and it hurts more because it takes longer). What kind of god would allow this to happen? Warning: if you, too, were scarred by Jess' recommendation already, DO NOT watch this again! Even one viewing is 98% certain to cause brain damage. Don't risk repeated viewings. You might end up like me.

You may have noticed that I've been a complete slacker about answering my comments lately, and for that I apologize. I really do like it when you comment. Guess we can chalk it up to one thing: I'm an asshole I'm really swamped right now. So, I tried to answer a batch of comments this morning, and then pretty soon, there's more comments, and more comments, and before you know it, I realize my whoring abilities are bein' called into question because of my lack of ability to swallow pills the size of my head. Well, let me tell you all, why do you think I only get two dollars? And I'll tell you something else: if any jizz ever gets shot my way that has lumps in it the size of DayQuil capsules, I won't swallow that, either. Lumpy jizz is no better than lumpy DayQuil.

Everybody here seems to be on a "Have lunch with a blogger" kick, too. You think you want to be seen with me eating in a public place, but that's only because you haven't seen my table manners. Remember that scene in The Blues Brothers, where Jake and Elwood go into the fancy restaurant and proceed to toss shrimp and bread at each other, guzzle Dom Perignon like it was Ripple, and offer to buy another patron's children? Yeah, that's me at dinner. Of course, then you'd have something to blog about..."Good lord, that Bucky is like Pigpen from Charlie Brown!" "Even my dog uses a knife and fork more adeptly than Bucky." "When Bucky was done eating, it looked like the bread basket had exploded on her placemat."

I think it's time to whip out the graphics and sneak out the back, Jack. Catch y'all on the flipside.

Baddest bitch in the Badlands

20 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger I'm not here. said...

I'd toss bread at you, Bucky. :o)
What is this that you speak of, this "knife and fork"?

10:31 PM, January 18, 2006  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

I have this image of little Bucky face on a pigeon... I'm sure there is a photo shop invitation in that!

5:03 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

He might be hooked on a feeling, but no one has taken the time to clue him in on just what that means. So, I will: David? Yeah, stick to SpongeBob material and you'll be fine.

7:33 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger hemlock said...

I'm constantly amazed...

by your photoshopping abilities. Sheesh. You should do workshops.

As for that video, I've watched it twice and the scene towards the end with the fish is BY FAR my favorite.

8:32 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

This graphic is a repeat of the Brady Bunch, right? Where Peter blows up his volcano and it ozzzzes hot lava everywhere? All over the sorority girls?

Not that I'm a fan of that show or anything.

9:06 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

Pretty pic Bucky--watch out--little Bucky's gonna get hit with hot lava-pills....

Are ya feelin' better then?

9:12 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

DAMMIT! Even after your warnings I followed the link too and now I can't stop the retinal bleeding!

Hope you're feelin' better.

9:31 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Ooga chucka ooga chucka ooga chucka...

9:35 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Candy said...


I have spread the evil.

This is good.

10:38 AM, January 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Bucky **waving maniacally**

Sorry things are so hectic. Hope you're feeling better so you can retire that bottle of lumpy dayquil.

11:04 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger abcd said...

We visit but don't comment. Thanks for being so kind and stopping by Krankis and Deb's site. Susie is the best for the post she wrote today. We know first hand how much those comments mean. And we are on a mission, thanking everyone for spreading the blove.

Shoshie, Nikki, and the Sisters

11:08 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

I'd toss cookies at you, Bucky, but not bread.

11:29 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

It's never a party until someone 'tosses cookies'...

11:35 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

But you didn't mention how you can only go to restaurants that have paper placemats so you can start drawing and freak out the waitstaff.

11:38 AM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Memphis said...

Love getting those calls deep in the dark of night. Yeah, I'm sure some bozo really needs to access this shit at 4 a.m. but I don't care. It can wait until 8. No? Fine, pay me for the overtime. Oh, but no, they won't do that.

Sorry, my bitter alter ego was typing there for a minute. I just fucking LOVE this job! not

Oh, time for lunch and then back to ASP class to talk more about cookies. How is it that I'm the only one in class who knows who invented them and where he got the idea and what Unix is in the first place? Why aren't I being paid more money if I'm so smart?

12:46 PM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Crabby said...

Oh please, your table manners don't scare me. Why, I am proud and pleased to say, I don't own a shirt without some kind of food stain on it. I boldly represent Chinese, Italian, annnd Mexican, every time I go out.

However, I do not have jizz on my shirts. Or anywhere else for that matter. Fact, it depresses me to say, I haven't seen any jizz for a week at least. Is it me? sniff sniff. OO. I do smell a little like the dog and possibly a cabbage product of some sort. Oh wait, here it is on my sleeve. Broccoli. Yep. I remember now. I had that for lunch.....yesterday.

PS. there's lumpy jizz? Like dumplings or something you mean?

2:47 PM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

M_D - all I can say is, if it weren't for my horse...

Kylz - hey, at least you said it was on the pigeon's face. That's a step up for me.

Mr. B - Where's Kitt when he really needs him?

LeafGirl - thanks! And yeah, if possible, that was even a little more bizarre than the rest.

MilkMaid - of cooourse you're not a Brady Bunch fan. Me neither. I wouldn't know anything about Cindy being taunted with "Baby talk, baby talk, it's a wonder she can walk!" because of her lisp. Nope.

Effie - well, I'm either feelin' better, or this picture is a fair rendering of my hallucinations. Still haven't decided...

Jim - I'm really sorry about that. Sometimes when the vision is too horrible to behold, the capillaries will just spontaneously explode, all in self defense.

CKelli - have I planted an earworm? Muahahahahahaaaaa!

Jess - that is, indeed, a special brand of evil. I blame you for the night twitches I now suffer, from the PTHD (post-traumatic Hasselhoff disorder).

KChia - thanks! *waving back* I swear I'll pull my head out of my ass one of these days.

Shoshie, Nikki, and incomparable Sisters - thank you so much for stopping by and leavin' a heapin' helpin' of blove! Susie is a sweetheart, isn't she? (wait, don't let her see this; she'll think I'm nice or something) Hugs to you all.

Eclectic - I've always been of the opinion that there should be an Olympic Cookie Toss event. Maybe we could get a team together...

CKelli - if that's the case, then I really DO make the party a party.

Squirl - waitstaff are pretty evenly divided on my placemat drawrings. Some are amused, some try to pretend they don't see...

Memphis Steve - I dunno, I think anybody who knows Unix should be worshipped and lavished with large amounts of cash. Just my humble opinion. ;)

Crabcake - I'm sure the jizz drought will be over before you know it. It's always feast or famine, innit? Dry sheets or jizz by the gallon. No in betweens.
And trust me, you do not want more information on the lumpy jizz. Let's just say, it's not good for men to drink tooooo much whole milk.

6:09 PM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

Bucky - i seem to remenber our very first blog conversation was about Unix.
And imagine whats its like when you live WALKING distance from where the f-ing server is? No one else ever is on call when it goes down. just me.
um wait, that didn't sound right.
oh, its Buckys blog - of course it did!

10:09 PM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

ok, i just watched the video.
someone please tell me that Kit is being backed out of the storage garage and DRIVING OVER DAVIDS HEAD as we speak.

10:16 PM, January 19, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Bucky you are so fabulous.
You are just fabulous.
That is all.

11:08 AM, January 20, 2006  

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