the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

We don't have that here

Some of the search terms that sick bastards have recently used to find this blog (although, I guess that kinda makes me a sick bitch for matching their search terms, but that's not news):

  • deepthroat kielbasa (a nice twist on the seen-several-times-a-day "kielbasa queen" search)

  • buttplug (okay, so they got me there)

  • monkey rituals (I'm afraid to know what they meant by that)

  • man's penis (as opposed to a woman's penis?)

  • up my ass (wonder if they got the same pages the buttplug people did)

  • scene of death (they probably got my nudie photos)

  • dr. 90210 bleach anus video (because I want my pucker to glow in the dark)

  • where is bucky the chimpanzee today (I like to think of it as a spider monkey)

  • midget pee (when you're going for quality and not quantity)

  • small dicks (no, thank you)

  • classy mexican restaurants (sorry, you'll find nothing classy here)

  • "unsolved mysteries" hair guitar show dead body dress strings (what????)

  • big brown beaver (it's not brown)

  • "can't grow a beard" (thanks to electrolysis)

  • dick plug (I can't imagine that would be pleasant)

  • "four eyes" defense program (that would be me holding my arms in front of my face, whimpering "Don't hit me, don't hit me!")

  • "schlong picture" (I thought we had established long ago that it's an alleged schlong)

  • pictures of colonel sanders (thanks to my post comparing Roo's nutsack to the Colonel)

  • bay city rollers (I deny any connection)

  • pippi tattoo (not for a million bucks...well, okay - for a million bucks)

  • what does a kiss on the hand mean (it means your hand looks like a vagina)

  • tiny fuck (is that how you get a little pregnant?)

  • "popsicle in the ass" (finally, someone who understands the true essence of my writings)

  • naked and drunk (usually the other way around)

  • hillbilly jessica labia pictures (only if there's a kazoo involved)

  • chicks with dicks porn (dammit, I told you - it's an alleged schlong!)

  • "have to change my panties" ("have to" because of society's conventions, or "have to" because of incontinence?)

  • pee puke (ew, not in the same glass)

  • piercings on tits (and whiskers on kittens)

  • whoremonger (now you're talkin'!)

  • jo jo the dogface boy, he walks he talks (he crawls on his belly like a reptile!)

  • four lips (at last count, yep)

  • how to make fake jizz from frosting (dude, to fake your orgasms or what?)

  • squirl monkeys (hey, that's my sister you're talkin' about!)

  • papercuts labia (why would you even THINK about that? Owowowowowowow OW!)

  • wheelchair bound cocksuckers (because who doesn't fantasize about that?)

  • cat anus (when you need somewhere to store those popsicles)

Obviously, I need more sleep. Tawk amongst yourselves; I'll be smacking myself on the head with a mallet now.

18 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Unknown said...

Nothing says 'Bucky' like Colonel Sander's man penis and cat anus.

9:40 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

OH...and you have to go to Knotty's site - he made a sculpture that SCREAMS your name. SCREAMS it, mind you:

9:43 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

I suspect you'll be adding petite pussies to that list soon.

9:57 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

OMG! I just saw the sculpture...

They have the glowing starfish now? That ain't right; frankly, because every girl should have at least one brown eye. Discuss. ;o)

10:05 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Yeah, I think I gotta pass on the "dick plug".

10:12 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Squirl monkey? Why are they looking for that on your site. That's beyond sick. Really

Jo Jo the dogface boy. I wonder who was looking for that one? I've never heard that outside of the immediate family. Interesting.

10:24 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger RedPita said...

Even I, the legendary lurker had to come out of the comment closet for this one Bucky.

what does a kiss on the hand mean (it means your hand looks like a vagina)


So fucking hilarious that I literally chocked on my cigarette smoke and may have to be rushed to the hospital?

Yes. Yes, indeed.

11:58 AM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Jo Jo was actual person, that's not merely a name thrown around as an insult.

12:24 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

"an" actual person. *rolls eyes*

12:30 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

""unsolved mysteries" hair guitar show dead body dress strings (what????)"

Well, HELL... I had been drinking and was using someone else's computer and for the life of me I could NOT remember your url... gawd.

1:10 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

So, is it safe to say that the Cotillion is the premier place on the world wide web to locate at anus popsicle storage? Cause you could probably market that.

4:29 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

How multi-talented thou art, fair Bucky!

8:56 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger thatfarmgirl said...

LOL. I once got "farm girls doing animals." That's when I stopped looking at the search strings.

8:58 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Spilling Ink said...

No one googled "dollop of dick pudding"? What the hell is wrong with people?

11:03 PM, October 11, 2006  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Damn. I thought I was being sneaky doing the searches to find my way to the Cotillion rather than just go the direct route through YPS!!.

I guess I will have to wear a disguise from now on.


11:52 AM, October 12, 2006  
Blogger ALRO said...

good to know i'm in good company!

7:41 PM, October 12, 2006  
Blogger Dixie said...

LOL @ circus kelli!!

Love your version of the four eyes defense program!

8:36 PM, October 12, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

classy mexican restaurants?

Such things exist?

Do they serve pee puke?

12:47 AM, October 13, 2006  

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