the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Flunking the test of time

Thoughts floating through my mind as I watch VH1 Classic, for no apparent reason except that I had on Madonna: Truth or Dare last night and just didn't change the channel:

  • Because Boy George would not specifically admit to being homosexual in interviews, I remember many people who actually believed he was not gay. Of course, those same people still think George Michael and Barry Manilow are straight, too.

  • Come to think of it, after watching about an hour of this, I've come to the conclusion that all the men in the '80s were gay. Just watch the Commodores' video for Nightshift and tell me I'm wrong. Clay Aiken was born too late.

  • Okay, they weren't all gay. There were the ugly balding fuckers like Phil Collins and Mark Knopfler, too. Bet they cashed in on all the pussy the pretty boys were passing up in the day. (Do you think it would confuse most people if a gay man wore a t-shirt emblazoned with the motto "I eschew pussy"?)

  • Why is her name Lisa Lisa? Wasn't one "Lisa" good enough for the bitch?

  • Did anyone ever actually take the band Men At Work seriously? I was speechless as I witnessed the lead singer step dancing in orange parachute pants. Is it normal for TV to trigger a need for Dramamine?

  • So many of the hairstyles look like festive porcupines perched atop the head; I have this insane urge to call animal control.

  • I still hate Money For Nothing with the same fresh venom I had for it when I'd seen the wretched video for the 43,274th time the first week it came out.

  • Elton John's squirrely little face under a pompadour wig is just downright unsettling in the video for I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues. Why didn't somebody at least slap some shades on him, fer chrissake?

  • Someone needs to put an end to this '80s fashion nostalgia bullshit. The clothes and hair were awful then, and vomit does not need to be recycled. That's like thinking it's hip to bring back the Inquisition, or have a smallpox revival. Stop it, people, just stop it. Back away from the shoulder pads and cowl necks.

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Unknown said...

i have always said that Lycra stirrup pants are a *privilege*, not a right.

8:32 AM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

I still have my acid-wash denim coat from those days. I can't part with it. (Don't hurt me!)

8:35 AM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

80's clothes and hair sucked. What's with the stupid jeans that didn't allow you to put your socks on after you had the jeans on? They made your ass look huge, even if it really wasn't, with the skinny ankle openings and waistline right at your waistline. I'm an old-fashioned kinda girl. Give me hip-hugger bellbottoms any day.

Don't even get me ranting on the hair...

9:56 AM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Good timing. The end of October brings us our 20th high school reunion. I may get to see some of this leftover 80's stuff and will be glad to madly snap photos for you.

10:27 AM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

I think I skipped the 80s. Oh, that’s right: I was in seminary. Thanks be to God.

10:57 AM, September 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I did the '80s. It was the first decade that there were no parents passing judgment on my clothing choices, and I had my own income. God help me. Stirrup pants/leggings, big shirts, shaker sweaters, hair spiked on top (porcupine)and long on the sides. Plastic jewelry. Oh, and the leggings under skirts that are back "in" now.
What was I thinking?

11:35 AM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

In the 80s, I was all about oxford shirts with a crewneck sweater tied over my shoulders, Levis 501s, and Sperry topsiders (or Vans). Preppy much?

12:22 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger IgwanaRob said...

Loved the music, TV, and movies of the 80's - hated everything else about it, especially the trendy styles

(although I was a skater and rocked the multi colored/mix-n-matched Chuck Taylors and Vision Street Wear).

1:34 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

This many comments already? On a Sunday post?

I do believe I've struck a nerve. ;)

1:37 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

This has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but I thought for SURE that you would've given Ms. Fonda a photoshopped strap-on

I'm just sayin'


2:53 PM, September 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hee, eclectic, tell the truth, was your sweater monogrammed? Ohmygosh, you remind me. In the first couple of years of the 80s, I did the preppy thing, too, only because of the school I attended. (Remember my add-a-bead?) But then I was a DROPOUT, and started sporting the mohawk. Or fauxhawk.

7:02 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Jonn Wood said...

I can't think of a single 80s fashion trend-besides white sneakers-that ever looked good at all.

Fortunately, by the time I was old enough to be conscious of fashion, it was already 1993.

7:19 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Spilling Ink said...

Bucky, I must admit I loved me some spandex mini-skirt. I wasn't the only one, either. :-) Oh, yes. The 80's. I was lucky I didn't catch something.

Squirl, would you happen to be referring to Gloria Vanderbuilt jeans? I loved the black denims. I once ripped the ass out of a pair of those suckers while bending down to tie my Adidas.

The hair... I just don't even know what to say about the hair. Except that I aspired to be Tina Turner. It didn't quite work out, ya know? Bummer.

9:52 PM, September 30, 2007  
Blogger Mike said...

Barry Manilow is gay????

I'm speechless.

1:50 AM, October 01, 2007  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Of COURSE all the men in the 80's were gay! But what makes you think Phil Collins was an exception? He's just that OTHER kind of gay. You know, the older, quiet one, who's got no looks, but lots of money, the best cocaine, and a bevy of sweet young lads that.... hang around all the time? You know that one.

4:23 AM, October 01, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Can I skip the shades and just slap Elton John?

I don't personally know if Barry Manilow is gay or not, but his music certainly is.

11:26 AM, October 04, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

I still say if they make a live action Peanuts movie, Phil Collins would be the ideal actor to play Charlie Brown. Unless the dude that played Ernest T. Bass on the Andy Griffith Show is still alive.

10:39 PM, October 04, 2007  

Post a Comment

<< Home