Outta my way, whippersnapper!

I could try to be delicate about it, like the blushing, shrinking violet I am, but for your sake, Internet as a Whole, let me be blunt: I am as good at romantic relationships as Hitler was at celebrating diversity.

After my last breakup, a little over a year ago, I felt so burned that I didn't even consider jumping back into the dating pool. By the time the emotional blisters had receded a bit, I was too broke to consider putting myself out there (let's face it: dating girls is not cheap, not even dating cheap girls). Now that I've been working for a while and finally have the means to take a chick out for a dinner and movie or something else terribly folksy and modest, I find that I just don't have any desire to start all that again. Sure, getting laid would be great, if I can properly remember the mechanics and geography of it all, but that would just cut into my quality time with the cats, and with my Playstation, and with my blissfully thought-free marathons of Bravo reality schlock. I might even have to clean my house, and that just isn't on my list of things to do this year.

So, there I was at work today, bidding goodbye to my co-worker, a young man in his very early 20s who is a nice guy but who is very full of himself and doesn't really have that switch in his brain that tells him when to stop talking, doesn't read those social cues that say "Dude, the customer doesn't give a shit about your long-winded story regarding something that happened in high school, he/she wants to take his/her cable splitter and go the fuck home." He had his coat on, had clocked out, and was just preparing to depart for the day.

At about that moment, a new rep for one of our products walked in. Normally, I squirm and fantasize about gouging my eyes out with a box cutter when product reps are around, because they're usually phony and slick and obnoxious. But I dug this girl on the spot - I'd guess her to be in her early 30s, cute, a very casual feeling about her, and an exuberant personality that didn't seem like a salesman's fakey bullshit. I have to say, I was getting a little vibe off of her. I'm usually pretty dense about that kind of thing, but I'm pretty sure there was a bit of interest there right off the bat. It's been ages and ages since that's happened to me, so I was enjoying the moment, chatting her up...

...and then the Young'n had to step in and fuck up my little moment. He's young and horny, and has the hots for anything with tits and a pulse, age be damned. Not that that's a bad thing, but he just walked right over, inserted himself (ahem!) into the situation, and proceeded to dominate the conversation with what he thinks is his witty banter (it's not). I was desperately trying to develop telekinetic powers, trying to push his ass out the door with my mind. To my utter chagrin, it did not work. She went out to her car to retrieve something she'd forgotten, so I thought I'd throw a hint in his direction by looking him dead in the eye and saying "I saw her first." But no, dense boy just laughed and said he was willing to take my sloppy seconds. Silly me, I should know that hints don't work on people with quadruple-layer skulls.

The little fucker continued to cock block me for the girl's entire visit. He left when she did, and I noticed that he followed her out to her car before returning to his own vehicle. Yeah...I'm sure she was thrilled about that.

You'd better believe that boy is gonna get an earful from me next time we're working alone. Don't fish in my pond, son, unless you want that treble hook in your scrotum.