the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Let's look for the purple banana 'til they put us in the truck

[ Contains a mild spoiler for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas ]

Between long hours at work and spending entirely too much time blogging, I haven't had much of a chance to play the game Jim got me for Christmas, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. This weekend, I've finally gotten a chance to delve into the latest delightfully amoral offering in the GTA series.

I wouldn't normally use this forum to rave about a video game, as there are better places for it, and people infinitely more qualified to comment. But there's just one thing I can't keep to myself, and if you called me childish, you'd be right on the money.

The antihero of the game, CJ, can find different helpful objects hidden around his city, such as pistols, submachine guns, brass knuckles, body armor, molotov cocktails, and the like. Today, I directed CJ into the local police station, where we found body armor in the locker room, a shotgun behind the office, and a special suprise in the showers. The people who designed this game are sick, dirty people, and I'd kiss 'em all on the lips if they were here.

There in the showers, floating merrily in front of the tiles, is a huge purple dildo. Of course I had CJ pick it up immediately.

In theory, this object is a present for CJ to give to his girlfriend, but I'm just having way too much fun with it for CJ to give it to that crack whore just yet. If he stands with it in the hand that's on the other side of his body, it looks like CJ has a giant purple love knob, and the motion it makes as he walks behind his friends looks like he's always tryin' to hustle up a little rump roast.

Oh, and it can also be used as a bludgeoning weapon. I just hope they don't put that on the feller's tombstone.

1 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Balulah said...

I guess that gives a whole new meaning to "One Eyed, One Horned, Flying Purple People Eater."

4:44 PM, February 01, 2005  

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