the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Bloody well right

Last night, Debutaunt mentioned a site called Menstrual Poetry, and said she was afeared to click on it to see what the poems might say. If you know anything at all about me, then you know that I had to go over there posthaste so that I could revel in the delicious squickery of it all. Squickery Dickory Doc. To my eternal disappointment, there was no poetry, no monthly whimsy; instead of "that time" rhymes, I found an utterly humorless political blog about feminism. Don't misunderstand me - I'm all for being given the same opportunities as penis wielders, but I have little patience for a site where a story about a carload of men who fired a gunshot into a car full of women is equated with catcalling construction workers. Catcalling = annoying. Gunfire = deadly. See the difference? Yeah, well, the people who write for that site don't. I dared not read any more, lest I come across the word "womyn" and completely lose my barely together shit.

So there I sat, unsatisfied in my lust for verse of a completely wrong nature, feeling like I'd just bought a bitch dinner and then found her hoo-hoo sealed over with pink papier mache. (Ooooh, if the wimmyn from MP happen to see that, it's sure to raise some blood pressure, don'tcha think?) There is only one way to deal constructively with that kind of disappointment, those raised and dashed hopes: DIY.

Henceforth, I will periodically feature my own menstrual poetry here. I mean poetry inspired by menstruation, and not verse written on the wall with...well, you get the idea.

Here are my first ovulary offerings.

High-stress haiku

It's that time again:
Sugar, cramps, and cotton plugs;
Butcher knife in hand.

I'm a week early!
Damned if I didn't wreck my
First-date underwear.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
With a side of goddammit;
Cramps? They piss me off.

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is poetry worthy of a uterus vase.

10:13 AM, May 28, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I. love. it.
(the sound of one hand clapping = shaking the hell out of the Midol bottle, damn child proof cap) :P

12:09 PM, May 28, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I miss reading your blog. You're awesome.

1:00 PM, May 28, 2008  
Blogger eclectic said...

This is perfect, Bucky. Why, oh WHY won't they let me have an hysterectomy?!?!

3:05 PM, May 28, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm in menopause
Radiation and chemo
Yay! No periods

Love you. Sent that tweet before I realized you *actually* wrote this.


PS. My debu_sweetie, Tim, said, "I bet the menstrual haikus have a nice flow to them!" That is why I love him.

7:16 PM, May 28, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

Wow! No man could write poetry like that. I know, I know, you don't care for that "suffer for your art" thing. But it really helps your periodical poetry.

7:16 PM, May 28, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

Hey, Debutante and I posted at the same time! Cool

7:17 PM, May 28, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

periods are done
hot flashes really do suck
but no more girl pads

7:23 PM, May 28, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My pads have those wings
But they sure as shit don't fly
Grounded by the blood

Time for the tampons
Hand me the fucking midol
Send these cramps to hell

Holy Lord, I just about can haiku anything. I'm weird like that.

Ok. This might just have to be an entire blog.

6:00 PM, May 29, 2008  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Um, happy birthday?

7:14 AM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger limpy99 said...

Her ovaries bulge
Her hand grips that pot too tightly
Time to leave room

12:09 PM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

As a non-ovaried individual, I can't really comment on a lot, but there will be hell to pay if I get that damn Supertramp song stuck in my brain because of this thing.

1:18 PM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger Unknown said...

Bucky, you always amaze me, not only with your creativity, but with what inspires your creativity.

6:27 PM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger eclectic said...

Happy Birthday, Bucky! Hope it opens the door to a great year for you.

9:18 PM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger Unknown said...

Damn! You mean I almost missed a Bucky Birthday without saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MS. BUCKY!

9:23 PM, May 30, 2008  
Blogger Rhonda~ said...

"Sometimes Saintly Nick" is absolutely right. You are amazing and I do not care what inspires you-you inspire us all. Your creative genius never fades, whereas mine comes and goes. I love reading your blog because in this fake and monotonous life I lead, I know that I have a place where I can go where someone is real about reality. So basically I use you for my own selfish gratification. (Have you been told that in a while?) I have never read anything of yours that did not either make me smile or laugh out loud. Thank you so much and hope you had a great Birthday!

11:48 AM, May 31, 2008  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

I could not agree
more emphatically, bitch --
half why I love you!

I take it this means
you avoid the Michigan
Women's Festival!

2:43 PM, May 31, 2008  

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