the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, April 29, 2005

In defense of my bosom

Well, if you happened to stumble into Dooce's comments last night, you'd have seen that there was a rash of female bloggers posting pictures of their own bazongas. We won't name names on who started it, but then Torrie jumped bravely into the fray, followed by the erstwhile Lawbrat.

And no, I did not, like my friends, run to fetch my camera, rip open my bodice, and let the flash fly wildly over my exposed or at least nipplified melons. I was goaded and baited, but I kept my hooters safely under wraps and all to myself, selfish bitch that I am.

Now, in the course of this conversation, I claimed exemption by reason of excessive gravitational damage. But I have to confess, this is not true.

The reason, the real and true reason I did not share my mammalian protruberences with y'all, is this: Once you got a look at 'em, you'd never leave me alone. My inbox would be flooded with indecent proposals and offers of cash and expensive consumer items, my phone would ring until it was hoarse, everyone would be bribing Jim for a peek in the boudoir window...people, I just can't handle that kind of intense pressure. I will not be treated as just a sex object! Well, okay, I will, but that's a whole different discussion.

So, there you have it, the titty truth. My cha-cha-bingos, they are just two too spectacular for me to spring on the world. I can't, in good conscience, be held accountable for the chaos and mass arousal that would result.

I am being responsible here.

20 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

I, for one, applaud your sense of responsibility.

7:39 AM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Well, you've seen 'em, and you know just how explosive the whole situation could be...

7:41 AM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

and I MISSED all of this? where the hell was I? oh, yeah, networking a bunch of shit in another building.
damn. all my life I've been told that mine are really wonderful. not that anyone gets to see them much. that couldve been fun. oh well, a day late and a dollar short.

7:58 AM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Opera gal, it's never too late for boobs. I think Shakespeare said that.

8:01 AM, April 29, 2005  
Anonymous lawbrat said...

With that, I'm even more curious! Chaos and mass arousal...LMAO! I got a job offer from Victorias Secret...said they pay me in undies.

8:47 AM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Oddly enough, I also got a job offer from Victoria's Secret. Said they'd pay me in lawbrat's undies.

I am skeptical of your claim to history-changing bosomage. Such breasts come along only once in a lifetime. Yours would have to be extraordinary indeed.

I hereby offer my expert opinion on the validity of your claim.

And the accurate quote from Shakepeare goes: "Verily, as to melons, time is not of the essence. Unhook thy bodice, cry "Havoc!" and release the puppies."

9:03 AM, April 29, 2005  
Anonymous Homeland Security Department said...

We here at the Homeland Security Department would like to thank you for NOT jeopardizing our national safety or causing nation-wide chaos, as revealing your magnificent mammaries on the internet would surely have done. We had officers standing by last night, watching and waiting, Astroglide in hand, prepared to raise the Bucky's Bodacious Bosom alert to Level Red.

Miss Four-Eyes, your country thanks you.

9:40 AM, April 29, 2005  
Anonymous MoNation Family Values said...

We at the MoNFV wish to thank you for your do diligence in protecting the children of our great nation from this potentially life altering experience. Maintaining strong moral values and teaching our children to be positive contributors to society is our highest goal.

10:10 AM, April 29, 2005  
Anonymous Isaac and Newton said...

Aw, come on, go ahead and "out" us, Kung Pao Bucky.

10:11 AM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

I really don't think it's fair that only Jim and Pokey get to see them.

12:19 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

OK, Isaac and Newton, back in the boulder holder, you two. And let's save the kung pao talk for a more, ah, intimate moment, shall we?

MoNation, Homeland Security: I try to be a good citizen. I try to keep my Secret Weapons under wrap whenever possible. Okay, sometimes they fall out, but I corral 'em as soon as I know!

Nilbo: I knew I shoulda come to you for my Shakespeare quote. You are so very knowledgeable of his lesser-known works.
And didn't you see quite enough titties last night, mister?

Lawbrat: It is my job to make y'all curious about my bazongas. If I just up and showed 'em, what would be left for the encore?

12:20 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Torrie, I know Pokey has told you all the details. Filthy little orange motherfucker...

12:20 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

"Nilbo, didn't you see quite enough titties last night?"

Do you even read what you type...?

I believe it was ... why, yes, Shakespeare, who wrote: "All they who now a codpiece wear/ Shall not a bosom peek foreswear ..."

And I believe it was your bra that said "Let my puppies go!"

12:28 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Nilbo's Shakespeare cracks me up!

12:54 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

I 'woulda' shown mine,
but they fall to, and cover, my (quite lovely) knees.

just kidding!

1:41 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I would just like to go on record as endorsing "this is all about one (or in this case, two) of my body parts" blog posts. Excellent work, Mistress of the Cotillion.

1:44 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

I would like to state for the record that those pics were requested by another blogger and I was just being polite.

Damn it, I got fucking manners here people.

3:04 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

And oh yeah, like im the only one who is boobin up the internet.


heh.

3:04 PM, April 29, 2005  
Blogger Madame D said...

Personally, I am doing everyone a favor by NOT releasing my hounds.
I DO have gravity issues. It is not pretty.
I'm too young to have gravity issues! Sob!

4:05 AM, May 01, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Loved the term "cha-cha-bingoes"... priceless!

This post reminds me of that episode of Seinfeld where Elaine trips and falls, hands out, on Teri Hatcher's boobs. Later on in the episode she blurts out, "... and they're SPEC-TAC-ULAR!!"

Thanks for the laughs!

3:55 PM, May 10, 2005  

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