the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, June 04, 2006

All over the map

  • I think Nick totally wins the I Wish I Could Poke My Own Eyes Out award for what he done saw this week.

  • If I had to judge from the commercials they show, I'd have to say the ad execs think all General Hospital viewers have overactive bladders and do a lot of laundry. Come to think of it, that makes a lot of sense. Oh, hell - I just pissed all over my office chair. Who's got the bleach?

  • Never before in my life have I found reality television to be worth my time. Then I moved in with the evil Jess, and suddenly I'm hooked on What Not To Wear (in all seriousness, I can't believe no one at work ever nominated me for that), and feeling a huge void in my soul because Top Chef is all done for the season. Luckily, no one here has any inclination to watch Shalom in the Home or American Idol, so I won't have to go vomit while we're watching TV.

  • When I moved here and saw soy chicken (chik'n) in the freezer, I was completely skeptical. How could something that had no relation whatsoever to poultry masquerade as chicken and be palatable? However, once I made myself try it, I loved it. It's very tasty, and there is no chance for surprises like there is with real chicken. There is no gristle in soy products. Now, if no one makes soy chicken for a few days, I'll go get it out and make it myself. I also put my stamp of approval on turkey bacon. No weird, chewy, gummy, gelatinous surprises with that, either.
    Come to think of it, maybe all this healthy food is why my boobs have grown.

  • As I look around my room at all the tchotchkes which have not yet been featured in one of my video clips, I feel the overwhelming need to right that wrong. Everybody could use a little dancing Gollum in their online experience. The Trailer Park Homies are itchin' for their chance at stardom, too.

  • Remember the Play-Doh Buttsex House? Well, my always-helpful sister has found the child's equivalent - the training buttsex house, if you will. Looks like they have the Wonderbread couch inside, too.

    Play-Doh buttsex playhouse

    What? You think you just grow up and move into the Play-Doh Buttsex House with no training?

12 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger JD's Rose said...

That's fair enough too... I hope that every one's training schedule is personalised!

5:46 AM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

As I got out the Play-Doh at work last week, for a play therapy session with a family, I said, "Please God, don't let me say anything about a buttsex house." You inspire prayer, Bucky :)

9:49 AM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

I was hoping you were going to post the children's buttsex house.

I've also watched General Hospital and I know what you mean about the friggin' bladder commercials.

I'll have to check out what Nick saw.

6:09 PM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Ewww! I just checked out Nick's site. Yuck!

6:51 PM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger lawbrat said...

I checked out Nick's site- OMG. OMG.

I love love love turkey bacon. LOVE IT.

Can I do anymore all caps?

8:20 PM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Poor Nick...I believe he needs a shot or two of something to take the sting out of his retinal experience.

I lurve What Not To Wear! Have you seen Honey We're Killing The Kids?
I hate to say this, but some parts of it are funny, like the kids' faces when presented with healthy food.
"Bleah!"
"You have to eat it."
BWAHAHAHA!!!
I'm mean.

10:17 PM, June 04, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

Oh god, my son had one of those children's butt-sex houses.
I LOVE What Not To Wear.
Mostly because I think of the abominations in my own closet, and am inspired to at least get rid of the shit with stains/tears.
Mostly.

2:09 AM, June 05, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

Why, oh Why couldn't I have had a Buttsex Training House (BTH) when I was a wee FIT (Fag in Training).

9:56 AM, June 05, 2006  
Anonymous IzzyLu said...

Bucky, we actually did talk about nominating you for "What Not to Wear," but we like you too much to embarrass you on TV. We thought long and hard on this one even though we really wanted to see you in a dress!

10:11 AM, June 05, 2006  
Blogger Celebrate Woo-Woo said...

What Not to Wear is one of the few reality tv shows that I truly enjoy watching.

And those Chik'n products are the best! If you like corn dogs, the Morningstar version of those is pretty yummy, too;>

10:32 AM, June 05, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I checked out Nick's site, and have been rendered speechless.

2:24 PM, June 05, 2006  
Anonymous Pat said...

Ya....that was nasty! Nicks little work story about low life scum bags at work reminded me of the time I spent spraying Mountain Air spray in the factory bathroom I had worked at only to (eventually) hear a cough from the third stall...I had no clue that anyone was in the one of three stalls.
She said she got too drunk and fell asleep on the john unaware that I was spraying the fuck out of the bathroom.

Oh Peeuuuuu! I think my dog farted!

3:33 PM, June 05, 2006  

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