the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, May 01, 2008

The grammar cop has her panties in a bunch

Things that will bother me, to different degrees, until I get this stick dislodged from my ass:

  • teh - Yes, I know people are purposely using it to be witty and tongue in cheek, and I do understand that it's a common misspelling. But keep using it, and Webster's will wimp out once again and include it as an accepted alternate spelling of "the"; I hate it when Webster's pussies out and refuses to stand up for the way the language should be spoken and spelled. (Note to Brits and Canadians: this does not apply to Americanizations of your superfluous use of the letter "u" - we are merely conserving keystrokes for the good of all mankind.)

  • pwn, pwned - Please make it stop. I like to game as much as the next geek, but the day I use any variation of this odious term in my writing is the day someone should come and smother me with a pillow. It's also unpronounceable, which is just as irritating as that symbol Prince insisted on using for all those years, but without the added benefit of at least being attached to Prince's music.

  • FTW - When I see this, I don't think "For the Win" - I think "Fuck the World." Or "Feed the Walrus." Or "Finger the Weasel."

  • Pronouncing the "t" in the word "often" - Don't. It's a silent "t" and it has the right to remain silent. The same goes for the first "c" in "arctic." When you say "Ark-tik" all I can think of is a creature that I really wish Noah had skipped when he set sail.

  • "Me" vs. "I" - This is a common one, and if you want to know the truth, I'd much rather hear people misuse the word "me." Hearing someone use "I" incorrectly just makes me think that he or she is trying to sound classy, and it isn't working. If you weren't talking about someone in addition to yourself, it wouldn't be a problem. I don't hear people saying "Me had diarrhea right when the movie got good!" or "Give I the darts before you hurt someone else." Think about that before you say "Paris Hilton and me threw up in the back seat of a squad car" or "Send a dirty postcard to your grandfather and I."

  • "Each other" vs. "One another" - Yes, I'm being totally anal bringing this up. But "each other" is used in the case of two people relating, and "one another" is for three or more participants. As in: "Stacy and I gave each other head until our tongues blistered," and "The members of the orchestra gave one another sly smiles as the unwitting conductor ate the jizz-laden cookie."
I'll let it go at that for now. And I'll be the first to admit that I'm guilty of using slang that's probably highly annoying to other people, so even though I'm not without sin, I'm casting the first stone. How's my aim?

14 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll give up "teh" if we can lose:
outside the box

...but mind if I keep "ain't" for a while longer? I'm quite attached.

3:48 PM, May 01, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"teh" gets old very quickly. I don't know "pwn." I guess it's a gamer thing. I automatically convert FTW to WTF. (Truthfully, I don't know when one would use FTW either.)

Now, please help with my recent grammatical lapse. I used this sentence today, and while I know what some alternatives would be, I'm just not sure of the proper usage:

"Neither my daughter nor I have heard of the backback safety reinforcement card."

Neither with nor, right? And always more problematic for me, what is the correct verb? Neither has, or neither have? I get all tangled up in whether neither (and/or either) is singular or plural. Please help me, oh great and powerful bunch-pantied grammar cop.

6:55 PM, May 01, 2008  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Joyce - I'll eagerly agree to your terms. And I will admit to being fond of ain't, in the right context.

Susie - "pwn" was some gamer's misspelling of "own" - as in, I beat you so now I own your ass.
FTW is often used by "the kids" online to denote a preference for something: "Boxer briefs FTW!"
And yes: neither/nor and either/or are the correct pairings.
The verb should agree with the noun that is used after the "or" or "nor", so you are correct here:

Neither my daughter nor I have heard of the bareback safety rules.

Oh, that's not what you said, is it? ;)

12:34 AM, May 02, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have you read "hints on pronunciation for foreigners" which includes the line "beware of heard a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird?"

ps i hope you don't have equal dislike for those of us who like the lowercase letters

1:21 AM, May 02, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

Irregardless gets my hackles up, too, Joyce.

Bucky, good rules and good sample sentences. :-)

6:56 AM, May 02, 2008  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

Try MY job - teaching English as a second language to a bunch of dimwits - and you'd go postal. Half of them don't know the difference between a verb and a noun, nor the relationship between them (the concord rule). And don't get me started on your/you're, their/they're,with/whit, etc.

Excuse me for a moment while I go and curl up in the shower.

10:53 AM, May 02, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My rule of thumb for I/me has always been that the sentence should make sense if you remove the other person:

+ Nadia and I went to a movie.
I went to a movie.
- Nadia and me went to a movie.
Me went to a movie.

+ Give it to Margot and me.
Give it to me.
- Give it to Margot and I.
Give it to I.

As for what ghost of goldwater said, another one of the your/you're, their/they're types that really makes me cringe is then/than. And people who can't use borrow and lend properly. "Borrow me your ruler?" and "Can I lend your ruler?" make me shudder.

11:56 AM, May 02, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


YUCK. I can't stand that one.

7:39 PM, May 02, 2008  
Blogger David said...

Standing on chair clapping like AC/DC just got on stage. My God I could have, would have written this post in a New York Minute. Why didn't I? Well I have a lot of American readers that think us Canadians are a little uppity and snotty about using good grammar.
And I am. But this makes me wonder if there are more like you south of the 49th.
One hopes!

10:54 AM, May 05, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I actually work with someone who insists on using the word "mine's" instead of "my." She also has let documents out of the office with "know one" instead of "no one," and then wonders how or why she's been in a dead end position at maxed out pay for 18 years.

4:16 PM, May 05, 2008  
Blogger Homestead said...

For the Win? For the Win?

I'm with Susie.... I thought it was a fug-up of What-the-fuck.... what the HELL does For the Win mean? I'm-a-cheeleader-ask-me-about-my-under-the-bleachers-experience?

2:39 PM, May 14, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The person with the bedazzle bead up your azz? You are sick!!LOL So everytime you S&*T You have to unglue the bedazzle?? Good Luck

12:27 PM, February 07, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The person with the pink bedazzle up your butt, wel.... your just plain ill! What do u have to do un-glue yourself before going to take a dump?? Too funny!! Good LUCK!

12:29 PM, February 07, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry for the double dip of blog first time to the site

12:33 PM, February 07, 2009  

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