Now he's steppin' large and laughin' easy

Jim's mom just hands him the TV remote when we come over on Sundays, so he doesn't have to beg her to turn off the Weather Channel again. It's a safe bet that, once the political talking-heads shows are over, he will change the channel to some form of sports programming. The advertising on these shows is largely aimed at a male audience, so you really have to do something to stand out in the sea of boner pills and beer being hawked.

My favorite out of all this mess is the ad campaign for Enzyte. You know the ones, with the maddeningly catchy whistled theme song, and the man and woman with the exaggerated, shit-eatin' grins on their faces? Campy and positively chock full o' phallic symbols, these commercials seem to be advertising a penis-enlarging pill. With the over-the-top tone of the ads, it's hard to tell exactly what the product does, but the spots are so hilarious, who cares what bullshit placebo they're sellin'?

Jim, his brother Dave and I were visiting their mom one Sunday when one of the Enzyte ads aired, I think the one where the smiley guy gets his new clubs, nudge nudge, wink wink.

Thinkin' I was really cute, I turned to Jim and told him, "Remember, babe, don't ever make your car bigger than the garage you park it in." I was counting on him to be a gentleman, even though we all know it's not a compact garage.

Fucker looked me right in the eye and announced, "Then I'm gettin' a LIMO!"

I started beating on Jim, of course, with his mother's encouragement. He finally stopped his chortling long enough to defend himself in the eyes of his family.

"Hey," he protested in between swats, "she won't let me park it out back!"

Okay, cocknozzle. Let's see if you ever get to park on the upper level again!