the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

It's not just me!

As I began to write this tale, it occurred to me that a large portion of my stories begin, "I was at the laundromat..." and this one is no different. Either all the interesting things in life happen at the laundromat, or else I spend so much time at the 'mat that I've lost perspective on what's interesting and what's just conversational smegma.

Perhaps I should preface this tale by divulging that my neighborhood suffered a power outage this afternoon. I should really be makin' better use of my time right now, cursin' the heavens in a raw, overemotional voice, since my VHS taping of General Hospital was fucked right in its convoluted ass. Yes, I said "VHS taping" - I have not yet entered the new millenium and purchased a digital video recorder yet. If you don't like it, you can bite my vericose veins.

Soap opera emergency aside, there was also the practical matter that the laundry had to be done. The laundromat that I generally use was without power, so I had to drive down the road a bit and use Pro-Clean. It had been a while since I'd been to this 'mat, I realized, and as I walked through the door I saw that they had a new vending machine, one full of Homies!

homiehats2.jpg
Homies, in case anyone' s memory needed refreshing.

Well, I've nearly depleted the Homies machine at my usual laundromat, and this one was nearly full. Just imagine my delight! I loaded up the washing machines, then made my way right back to the Homies, that I might add to my collection. New one! New one! Not new, but cool, and I only have one. New one! It was a Homies bonanza. In the midst of my Homies reverie, I heard someone approach me.

I glanced over to see a full-grown, adult man approach me. Of course, I froze a little, as my recent encounter with laundromat evangelists has made me wary of conversations with strangers. But when he opened his mouth to speak, it wasn't to tell me about God, and it wasn't to ask if he could fold my panties. He wanted to talk business.

"I've got my Homies here," he informed me, "so let me know if you wanna trade."

I looked where he was pointing, and sure enough, he had about 20 Homies arranged on top of a triple-load washing machine. That would be one of those moments where I wish with all my heart that I hadn't been so completely ignorant as to've left my camera at home. My eyes got all misty as I realized that, no, I am not the only adult who obsesses over these stupid plastic toys that come from laundromat vending machines. He had some Homies that were new to me, but I hadn't gotten any from the machine I wanted to trade with him. I might just have to go through the duplicates in my office and go lookin' for Mr. Homies trader next week, though.

Then I came home and found the Official Homies Website. No one can help me now. Before long, there will not be a square inch of my home or office that is not covered in these marvelously cheesy little pachucos.

Hello, my name is Katy and I'm addicted to Homies. Trade you two Mr. Frosties for a Lady Joker.

30 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Jim said...

Oh Bucky...the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Congratulations, you've done that. Now you need to enroll in HA! (Homies Anonymous) and repeat the 12 steps:

1) Admit that you are powerless over Homies and your life has become unmanageable.
2) Come to believe that a power greater than Lady Joker can restore you to sanity.
3) Make the decision to turn your life over to Squirl as you understand Her.
4 - 11) Bunch of random "I can kick this habit" stuff.
12) Re-style your hair to match the 70's 'wings' of Shy Girl.

10:09 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

You need a healthier obsession, like Red Wings bobble heads!

10:51 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

I'll trade you two Paul Coffeycups for one Cujo bobblehead!

10:52 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Those are hilarious. I guess I didn't realize where you got them. No wonder you've resisted getting a washer and dryer in your home. Then there'd be no excuse to run to the laundromat to get yer Homies fix.

10:58 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger hellokittn said...

I'm so jealous, the only social enrichment we get in our laundry room is at gunpoint :).

11:12 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Sometimes I worry about you and then other times I'm convinced.

11:17 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Alright, that was suppossed to say "some times I WONDER about you."

I have a cold.

Apparently it's affecting my brain.

11:19 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Jim said...

torrie, I kinda liked it better the first way. You funny.

11:22 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

So that's where you get these things?

It's so good to hear that you're not alone in your fetish. Did you get dude's number?

11:36 AM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Romani Heart said...

First, let me say how many of life's adventures I miss out on by no longer having to frequent the laundry mat.

Second, I can't find damn Homies anywhere around here. I've looked. I want my friggen Homies. I guess it's because around here, they'd have to be hillbilly Homies to sell.

12:40 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

He didn't offer to fold your panties? How rude!

Did you strike up a conversation about the ones he has? Er, not panties, I mean Homies, oh, nevermind!

12:45 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

Maybe if I installed Homies in my utility room, my 9-year-old would start doing the laundry?

1:09 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

Busted my tummy laughing at you, Bucky. If I believed in crocheting, and had the wherewithall, I would make you a crocheted hat with beer cans, for you to wear to the laundromat on Homie Tradin' Day.

1:20 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Joker? YOU SAID JOKER!

Green haired purple suited sexy insane
totally going to fuck Batman up I love him so much Joker?

There is a female version of him? Not Harley Quinn?

Sigh. Cant be true, these are Homies your talking about and Im talking comics.

Joker Tease.

Thats not nice.

2:11 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger AlRo said...

Now that is funny shit !

2:11 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Oh my. Just goes to show there is a market for ANYTHING on the internet. :)

LOL

I don't find things nearly as nifty as that when I do my laundry. I only find used, washed and dried kleenex(es?), lip balm and paper clips...

Eclectic -- I LOVE that idea! I could lock the toys in clear cases until the laundry is done and folded and put away. :)

2:22 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Sorry, but I ain't about to trade off the nun or the cape wearing dog. You are on your own chickeroonie.

2:36 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

*raising eyebrows*

OH God you too? My neighbor is a high school teacher and for SOME stupid reason you're not allowed to have Homies at his school so he has to take them from the kids if he finds them...and he has this HUGE collection. Weirdo.

You are a weirdo my friend. AND I LOVE YOU. I would be willing to break into his house and steal his collection for you. He kinda owes me after that night in the hottub about 4 years ago.

3:17 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Holy shit! I'm a little behind in these here comments:

Jim - HA! I have called my hair dresser, and the "Shy Girl" wings will be mine within the hour.
And thanks for caring so much.

Bear - you can have three Wings pucks for Homies series #6.

Squirl - plus, I can meet so many high-quality people at the laundry.

Killer - yeesh! I guess I'll stick to my Homies excitement. No real guns waved about, please.

Torrie - no need to wonder, but plenty of reason to worry. ;)

Mrtl - I was too hot and bothered to get his number, but I plan to meet him again, next Tuesday night...

Romani - oh, I definitely think we should have Hillbilly Homies. Maybe we could call 'em Y'all Play Nice.

Effie - no, I was afraid to talk to an adult who is so obsessed with toys. I mean, what kind of mentality is at work there?
Oh, wait...right. Never mind.

Eclectic - but you have to put them in a vending machine, because that makes the allure that much stronger.

PlazaJen - I'm pretty sure that is the official uniform!

Jess - I think the Homies Joker is pretty well insane, but I don't know about his feelings for Batman. I can check for you, though. I'm not a Joker Tease...I'm just drawn that way.

Alshrim - where you been, dude? I missed ya!

CKelli - I'm tellin' ya, put those in a gumball machine and the kids will go apeshit. Something about a vending machine...

Mr. B - *pout* You never share your good tchotchkes. You'll be sorry when you see my superfriends penciltop bobbleheads.

Kristine - Hahahahaha, I can just see you in the black cat burglar suit with black makeup on your cheekbones, goin' through the window for a Homies raid.
I guess some schools won't let students have them as they consider them "gang related" (yes, I'm gonna join a gang immediately). Heck, you'd be doin' him a favor. And you make me go all warm and mushy when you call me "weirdo"... *sigh*

3:57 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I still need to do the G-Force photo shoot. I'm such a slacker.

But speeking of bobbleheads, I do have a Robin (of Batman of course) bobblhead here at the office. He's neat-o!

4:21 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

Far be it for me to enable your fetish, oops I mean addiction. But Ebay has a Homies (458) meaning 458 people listing Homies for sale.

HOMIES ARE ONE OF THE
HOTTEST COLLECTIBLES
SWEEPING THE NATION!!!

BASED ON THE CREATIVE ARTWORK OF L.A. ARTIST, DAVE GONZALES,
HOMIES ARE ONE OF THE HOTTEST COLLECTIBLES IN THE NATION .

DAVE'S FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS WERE THE INSPIRATION
FOR THE FIRST SEVEN SERIES OF HOMIES.
HE HAS SINCE EXPANDED AND CREATED
THE HOODRATS, MIJOS, PSYCHO CLOWNS
AND PALERMOS ITALIAN MAFIA HOMIES.

WHO KNOW'S WHAT WILL BE NEXT???

YOU ARE BIDDING ON A SET OF 75 ASSORTED HOMIES

WITH NO DUPLICATES!!!!

THE PICTURE IS FOR DISPLAY PURPOSES ONLY.

Homies will be picked randomly from the following sets:

Homies #5, #6, #7 and #8 (NEW)

Palermos Italian Mafia Homies

Mijos #3 and #4

Clowns #2

Bobbleheads #1 and #2

New Dog Pound Figures

These figures are brand new and measure about 1 3/4" each.

OUR BUY IT NOW PRICE IS LESS THAN BUYING THEM IN THE VENDING MACHINES
WITHOUT GETTING A SINGLE DUPLICATE!!!

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?????

ALSO INCLUDED:

1 FREE HOMIES LOGO PVC KEYCHAIN

THIS WOULD BE A GREAT ADDITION TO
YOUR EXISTING HOMIES COLLECTION
OR A TERRIFIC STARTER SET!!!!

FOR MORE GREAT DEALS ON HOMIES AND OTHER GREAT ITEMS,
PLEASE VISIT OUR EBAY STORE BY CLICKING ON THE LINK BELOW

http://stores.ebay.com/homiesanddiecastonline

6:12 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

I am seriously thinking about those PSYCHO CLOWNS. . . :)

6:14 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Alshrim said...

ya.. sorry for my absence there spacolla .. life's been busy .. and i took a week off ..

7:17 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Sweet!
Gotsta have someone to trade with, you know.

8:15 PM, November 09, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Dammit! You know that you are SO the cool kid on the playground with the good stuff, don't you? Ever since you started showing off with this crap, I've coveted them. I found where to buy them, in bags of 250, no less. But that's not the same, is it? There's a laundromat around the corner from my office. I'm going to have to go see if they have them there. Dammit!

Two serious questions: Are they considered politically incorrect? I want to proudly display mine when I get me some, but I don't want to offend, of course.
I saw on the website they have "Trailer Park." Do you have any of those? White trash is my ethnic heritage; those are my peeps, and I want me some of those, too.
*if that laundromat doesn't have them, I might resort to buying them in bulk . . . buying them on Ebay would just be TOO sick . . . wouldn't it?*

8:48 AM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

You know that is true, if you bought them on ebay . . . you wouldn't be able to go to the mat and find other collectors to trade with. We wouldn't get the great stories. So sorry I MENTIONED ebay. Susie is right it would just be sick . . . to purchase them on ebay.

1:34 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Mr. B - you know Robin was always Batman's bobblehead...

Nanina - you are enabling my sickness. Thanks! :)

Alshrim - well, welcome back, Kotter!

M_D - it just floors me that there are MORE LIKE ME! Why hasn't the universe imploded?

Susie - heh heh heh, I have spread my sickness.
I don't THINK they're considered politically incorrect. They're done by a Hispanic artist and are indicative of a lot of people he knows (he says some, but not all, are based on real people). I know some schools don't allow them (see Kristine's comment) because they feel they are "gang related" but I have never heard anyone say they feel insulted by them.

I do not yet have any trailer park Homies, or the psycho clowns, but you know I will. I will have them all eventually. They're small - why not?

And it is more rewarding to chuck quarters into the vending machine and try your luck that way...but the bulk ones really do make more sense, and cost a lot less. But you lose some of the rush.

Nanina - but couldn't I do both? Couldn't I order in bulk on ebay, then come into the laundromat with the pimpinest Homies collection that trader cat has ever seen? That would be fun!

1:55 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

I am a sheltered girl - trading Homies? there's such a thing?

2:45 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Bobblehead or bobbin' head?

2:48 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Nina said...

All good points, if you came into the laundromat with the pimpinest Homies collection that trader cat has ever seen. I am thinking it would be right if trader cat's real name was MAT. . . either way get his picture when he gets a look at your big Homies Collection. I Want to see his face.

5:00 PM, November 10, 2005  

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