the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Sweet benchpressin' baby Jesus, not again!

I mentioned recently that I had bought a bookcase whose sole purpose in life is to display my tchotchkes. And really, I have more of the aforementioned tchotchkes than a sane adult needs. Well, any adult, if you wanna split hairs. Seriously, my room is overflowing with my nonessential crap (the PS2 does not fit that category - I'm once again addicted to GTA: San Andreas). I need to spend some time organizing my shit, lest Jess come in here one day and find that the figurines have rebelled, fed up with their living conditions, and I have been murdered in my sleep by tiny Uma Thurman and Daryl Hannah.

The bookcase finally came out of the back of my car today. Sure, it's been a few days since I bought it, but not long enough to be disgraceful.

No, the real disgrace is the fact that, before the bookcase has even been unboxed and assembled, I have managed, somehow, very accidentally I'm sure, to acquire, um, more tchotchkes. I swear to you, I have no fucking idea how it happened. There I was, puttering innocently around the mall, minding my own business, and next thing you know, I was carrying a bag the size of my torso, and mysteriously, the bag was brimming with bargain-basement toys.

While I'm relatively certain these figurines were planted on me by some evil person with a strange sense of the absurd, I have to face the fact that I may have had a blackout, a clearance-tchotchke induced blackout. Perhaps I need to take twelve steps away from these false idols.

But before I do, I feel compelled to whip out the photos and cry "BEHOLD!"

So, behold already, will ya?

I now have three miniature versions of Al Pacino looking terribly constipated.

Because who doesn't need a Michael Clarke Duncan figurine about the house?


Oh, come on - ten bucks for Marv in the electric chair, with a light-up skull, and it vibrates and talks! I may just use this one on my naughty bits.

Well, maybe I won't.

Somebody make me build my bookcase so I will not be creating any more homeless action figures. Shortly thereafter, I will be taking up a collection to pay for the extensive psychological help that it's obvious I require.

20 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Madame D said...

Wow, I'm amazed at the speed with which you got that out of your car.
My Homer Simpson slippers are still in the trunk. 7 months later. Sigh.

But, I totally agree that EVERYONE needs a Michael Clark Duncan action figure.

2:52 AM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Um. Wow.

I like Death Row Marv, he sounds cool. In a creepy "Wow, Bucky, you scare me" kinda way. ;)

9:02 AM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Candy said...

Yeah, that rocks and all but uh, tonight is hair dye and foot rub pedicure night so I wouldnt plan on shelving anything.

Cept my boobs on your head.

11:10 AM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Bone - I know there was a much larger version of Death Row Marv available. Perhaps you have that one?

Jess - If you dye my hair tonight, my hands will be your foot rub slaves, and my head will be your boob shelf for as long as you like.

Actually, both are true even if you DON'T dye my hair...

2:08 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is funny because I was just in this store last weekend, and I thought to myself look it's scarface, I wonder who would love him enough to take him home, and here he is!

3:59 PM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Death Row Marv, Suppa Size hehe

5:05 PM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Death Row Marv, Neat Petite

5:05 PM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Death Row Marv, Now with EXTRA Sass!

5:06 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Death Row Marv...He's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

6:05 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


6:07 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep the royalties comin!

6:15 PM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

And just what was Mary poppin'?

8:54 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hurry up already. I require pictures.

Of the shrine... not the dirty bits part. I have too many pictures of my own. Ya.

10:34 PM, July 19, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dirty, naughty, whatever bits :-[


10:35 PM, July 19, 2006  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

I noticed that after playing GTA: SA, I started thinking I could hit anything I wanted with my car. I didn't, but I'm just sayin'. Use caution, Bucky.

10:20 AM, July 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

catnip buds squirl, BUDS...fresh from the farmer market parking lot down the street.

10:44 AM, July 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just say KNOW...

10:45 AM, July 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Clearly, you should not shop unsupervised, EVER.

10:47 AM, July 20, 2006  
Blogger Eddie said...

you can never have enough toyssss

5:40 PM, July 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Bucky, I have a room lined with 6’ high books cases. You many NOT have them. Of course, I will share where I had them made if you really must keep collecting tchotchkes.

12:11 AM, July 21, 2006  

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