Polite correspondence
Dear snowflakes:
I've done my best to be a gracious host, but now I feel that I must speak up. Truthfully, when a few of you show up at a time, it's no bother. In small doses, you and your kind are very attractive and a bit festive. However, when you feel the need to bring everyone you know, all your friends, your family, all the flakes from the bar at closing time, flakes you haven't seen since high school, I have to say that it becomes something of a nuisance. Must you drop in unexpectedly like this, all of you at once? Is it really necessary for you to just sprawl all over the grass and the sidewalks and the steps and the streets? Couldn't you have your family picnic somewhere more convenient (for me)?
While I'm fully aware that, eventually, you will go away of your own accord, you overstay your welcome more often than not. It makes me feel kind of rude when I have to shovel you out of the way, but you just won't take a subtle hint to move. You don't respect my personal space, either, when you suddenly gather on my shoulders, in my hair, and up the sleeve of my coat. I'm sorry, but I have boundaries, and you cross them without a second thought.
I hope you will not think less of me for venting here, but there comes a time when even the most tolerant host must announce that the party is OVER. Stop eating my pretzels, quit drinking my wine, and cease making my porch slippery. You know who you are.
Sincerely,
Katy
ps: FUCK OFF AND MELT!
I've done my best to be a gracious host, but now I feel that I must speak up. Truthfully, when a few of you show up at a time, it's no bother. In small doses, you and your kind are very attractive and a bit festive. However, when you feel the need to bring everyone you know, all your friends, your family, all the flakes from the bar at closing time, flakes you haven't seen since high school, I have to say that it becomes something of a nuisance. Must you drop in unexpectedly like this, all of you at once? Is it really necessary for you to just sprawl all over the grass and the sidewalks and the steps and the streets? Couldn't you have your family picnic somewhere more convenient (for me)?
While I'm fully aware that, eventually, you will go away of your own accord, you overstay your welcome more often than not. It makes me feel kind of rude when I have to shovel you out of the way, but you just won't take a subtle hint to move. You don't respect my personal space, either, when you suddenly gather on my shoulders, in my hair, and up the sleeve of my coat. I'm sorry, but I have boundaries, and you cross them without a second thought.
I hope you will not think less of me for venting here, but there comes a time when even the most tolerant host must announce that the party is OVER. Stop eating my pretzels, quit drinking my wine, and cease making my porch slippery. You know who you are.
Sincerely,
Katy
ps: FUCK OFF AND MELT!
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 1:49 PM
13 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
First?
Perhaps the funniest thing I've read today: Fuck off and melt!
We're getting our first of their kind, right this very minute. I'll go outside and read this to them.
Yep, their insinuating themselves here, too...
The only problem with the melting? The slimy sludge created while the flakes were doing the macarena all over the yard is now exposed and disgusting. Putting the dog out now is beyond disgusting, and letting him back in is a nightmare. I'm hoping it will freeze again already!
Fabulous! Did it work? No snow or even frost here at all so far, which I'm not impressed about. Not that we get much in the south of England but it's not winter without at least a bit of frost. It just doesn't feel right not having to chip my car out of a big ball of ice like a frozen prawn...
Thanks, Bucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the bloody snowflakes are arriving at MY house.
We've already gotten more than our share here as well. I've about had enough! It snows, it melts, it freezes, it sucks!
Rude bastards. Some people just don't learn.
xxx
Bucky, maybe you need to sing a few choruses of this:
Bucky Done Gun
Yeah, I feel the same way about snow. I shouldn't be complaining as we've had very little snow up until about a week or two ago and the temps have been pretty high.
But, still, FUCK OFF AND MELT!
Soak it in gasoline (preferably borrowed from someone else's car), light match, and run like Hell.
sounds like a slippery time, in fl its nice and wet today.
We are getting our second pounding in two weeks - in OKC of all places. Mind if I post this on my front door? Maybe the'll take the hint.
Post a Comment
<< Home