the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

This kinda makes up for curling

O, Canada - have I told you lately that I love you?

For most of my life, I lived with people who were sports fanatics. Although I can sit and watch a variety of competitive activities with at least a passing notion of what's happening on the field/court/ice, I've always said that if sports were to disappear, it would be no skin off my pasty ass.

But now that may not be completely true.

Canada, long known as the home of beautifully brutal ice hockey and puzzling yet oddly fascinating curling, has produced a new sport that has captured my complete attention.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who read my blog, I give you the Canadian Pillow Fight League. Low-brow meets high camp as women with names like Betty Clock'er, Lynn Somnia, and Sarah Bellum get done up in outrageous costumes and step daintily into the ring to wallop the shit out of each other with pillows.

This is a sport into which I could really sink my buck teeth. The best part is that they're bringing it to the States this weekend. If there is a deity somewhere pulling the strings, I beg for this to become a regularly televised sport. Fuck the Superbowl - give me grudge matches involving bitches with pillows any old day!

If this grows as I hope it does, my dream is that I can have a new career as a color commentator during televised fights, and that perhaps I can host my own show called Pillow Talk, where I will discuss the minutiae of down-filled combat, interview the athletes, and perhaps take part in mini-matches in the studio.

I'm now taking suggestions for a ring name.

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger JD's Rose said...

grudge matches involving bitches with pillows is bound to get more viewers than the Superbowl anyway...

12:40 AM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

"Pillow Talk" is brilliant.

12:47 AM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

What kind of pillows are we talking about? Down-filled or synthetic? Those foam ones can hurt!

So I've been told...

1:43 AM, January 17, 2007  
Anonymous hemlock said...

On College St... now that explains it! That's where all the fun happens!!

9:31 AM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

Oh, hell, you know I have to get in on the naming thing . . . I'll be thinking on it. Those ones the laid-aze already have are very clever.

12:16 PM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

The Slumberjack.

12:22 PM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger ALRO said...

As a canadian - why does this fill me with shame?!

But... if you're gonna do it.. and you need a name... I vote for:

Buck Nekkid
Dayne Bramage
Pillow Kitty
"Lights Out" Bucky Four-eyes.

12:40 PM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

That's fantabulous! I'll let you know on this one... I presume there will be some sort of uniform involved... maybe protective gear, too?

1:52 PM, January 17, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

I like the violent ice capades vibe of hockey. Any sport where jackasses can throw down at any moment while wearing skates is okay by me. Even better if they start wailing on folks with a hockey stick.

Curling is just fucked up enough to be fascinating. It's like bowling and competitive sweeping combined.

3:32 PM, January 17, 2007  
Anonymous Ortizzle said...

Possible ring names. Hmmm. O.K.:

June Cleave-Her

Bucky Stuck-Ya

Eager Beaver


I'm gonna leave it at that, cuz the more I think about it, the ruder it gets.

5:48 PM, January 17, 2007  
Anonymous smoness said...

Sweet ba-jeebus, this is so incredibly awesome that there are no words. Is it going to be televised tomorrow night? If so, I am totally having a watch party at my house.

As for the ring: Breastle Mania??
ehh, it's what I got pre-coffee.

12:12 PM, January 18, 2007  
Blogger Effie said...

oh, that's what us Canadians are good for, eh?!

3:41 PM, January 18, 2007  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

That's about as amusing as the site I found yesterday, Australians Against Flatuphobia.

4:52 PM, January 18, 2007  
Blogger Lynn said...

Lynn Somnia? Hmmm... I can relate to some pillow fighting.

Bucky, you are cordially invited to my place. I'm running a couple of fuck flicks over there. Unfortunately, you will need to cover your eyes momentarily when a mis-spelled word appears on the screen in one of the films. Figured I'd warn you about that. Wouldn't want you to be shocked or anything.

6:49 PM, January 18, 2007  
Anonymous Madame D said...

Jenny Talia. Always a favorite.

12:56 AM, January 19, 2007  
Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

Lmao at Madame. Well done! I can't compete with that. Thank you for bringing this fine sport to my attention. I have a pin that says "George W. Bush: The Best Argument Yet for Canadian Citizenship." This might change that...

12:06 PM, January 19, 2007  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Actually, from my pacific viewpoint, it sounds preferable to watching guys on skates bashing each other with hockey sticks.

8:42 PM, January 22, 2007  

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