the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Ain't ready for autumn

Holy fuck, there went summer and here comes fall.

Shameful when you consider that I now live in a beach town and not once this year did my bare feet come into contact with any sand. But then again, the beach is more of a visual event for me than anything else. Really, I'm not into getting tanned, because I don't - I just burn over and over again, and I can think of all kinds of much more interesting ways to give myself cancer. Swimming is out; even if I could swim, which I can't, there's no fucking way you'd get me in the lake. I make it a point to avoid dipping myself in water where there's no clear indication if someone urinates.

So when I go to the lakeshore, I go as an observer. I do not participate, but instead am awestruck witness as thunderstorms roll in over Lake Michigan, twice as fierce over the water, as the seagulls mob unsuspecting beachgoers for their chips and fries, as a dazzling array of bikini-clad bosoms bounce and jostle past me on the uneven sand, leaving perfect thonged bottoms in their wake. It's not such a bad gig after all.

But now that I've realized that there are only a couple more days of summer left, officially speaking, there is a sense of urgency for me to go do some summery things that I vowed to do and somehow just never did:

  • I want to wander through some of the local parks before the leaves turn and drop. My one foray into Duncan Woods this year wasn't for very long, and I didn't get much farther than the parking lot. So, in the next few days, I need to hit Duncan Woods, Hoffma Park, Pottawatomie Park...isn't "Pottawatomie" a cool name? I grew up hearing it all the time around here, so never thought twice about it until I didn't live here anymore. It's a very percussive word. Pottawatomie. Pottawatomie. Pottawatomie. Yes, I'm easily amused.

  • The zoo, the zoo, the zoo! It's been too long since I went to any zoo, and I haven't been to John Ball Zoo in Grand Rapids since I was in high school. Was supposed to go there on a date a few weeks ago, but that didn't work out, so I think a solo trip is in order. You know I never pass up the chance to pester some animals. Just ask those farms cats that I chase around with my camera. Of course, I'm hoping to catch the monkeys spanking the monkey. Or do they call it that? Perhaps monkeys have no use for euphemisms, and they just call it "yay! fun penis yanking."

  • It's not like I haven't taken any road trips this summer, but I'm not ready to quit yet. I'm hankerin' for another travel adventure before I start teaching again in October. Who wants me to come over? I'll bring pretzels.

  • Before it starts to get cold out, I need to hold the Nerf dartgun tournament I've been dreaming of for months. There will be points awarded for both speed and accuracy as contestants use my Nerf gun to knock action figures off the porch. When this happens, you can expect video of the event to be shown here, exclusively. They will be SO jealous over at The Ocho.

  • My dream of riding through downtown Grand Haven as Lady Godiva must be realized before the temperatures drop. Since I refuse to ride a horse - I can think of better ways to make myself sore and bowlegged for days - I will have to use a bicycle for my nekkid parade. Um, does anyone have a protective seat cover I could borrow?

9 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...


You clearly need to go to Burning Man next year. (The week of Burning Man ends on Labor Day) Lots - and I mean LOTS - of naked female (and male) flesh! Of course there is also too much naked male & female flesh that is simply so repulsive that it shouldn't be shown in public. Almost anything goes there.

The sun is a problem, but if you choose to start late in the day and party all night the sun isn't a problem. There is lots of neat art too.

If you go, let me know and I will meet you there.


4:42 PM, September 18, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

Who wants you to come over?!?! I DO, I DO!! Hurry! We've got just enough good weather forecast for this weekend for you to get here and back without bad roads. Bring Squirl! She already knows the way.

7:21 PM, September 18, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Don’t count summer out yet, Ms. Katy. I’ve enjoyed the temperatures in the 50s—70s the past several days, but the forecast is for a return to the 90s in the next few days.

All of your end of summer goals are commendable, except not swimming. As a confirmed water rat, I wish I lived somewhere near a beach other than the contaminated Ohio River. I have swum in Lake Michigan more than once and found it invigorating. Give it a try, woman!

If ya’ll want to take a road trip to the Gateway to the South—Louisville—Alex and I will entertain you and show you the sites, new and old, of this marvelous River City. Louisville has a grand zoo plus more museums and art galleries that one could visit in a week. And as a bonus, there are the strip clubs where you can again risk getting kicked in the head by a stripper’s 7” shoes. Driving Distance: Grand Haven to Louisville = 364.8 miles

Get an over-sized bicycle seat ride for your through downtown Grand Haven as Lady Godiva. Then the seat won’t sick in the crack of you ass.

10:06 PM, September 18, 2007  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

Come on over to Norway, Bucky! We can go on one of my epic roadtrips - this summer I did 1,100 miles in one day...

2:47 AM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Come to DC!!!!!!!

7:25 AM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

There's a seat at Long John Silvers in McHenry with your name on it... ;)

12:42 PM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Clearly you're gonna need a desert get-away, come mid-winter, and I better fucking be back there by then!

So, I've taken the plunge, refused to keep feeling guilty about being so far behind, stopped feeling I have to go all the way back to catch up, and I'm just starting from now. Every day at a time, after all.

But just remember: What's Pottawatomie may actually be a pot of that to you.

2:20 PM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

John Ball Zoo?

The mere name sounds rather dirty.

4:17 PM, September 19, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

You can come over and visit me. But that's not a very long road trip.

5:41 PM, September 19, 2007  

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