Reliving my youth
I went to the bar with some friends a couple of weeks ago, which, believe it or not, is a rare occurrence for me. The last time I spent any appreciable hours in a bar was when I was in a band, so I didn't really have much downtime with my drinking (actually, I didn't have much drinking with my singing, either, unless you count all those pitchers of water). But this last time, I did something I haven't done in ages: I grabbed a pen out of my purse and started to draw all over the cocktail napkins.
You have to understand, I did this under the influence of about two hours' sleep the night before, and none since, so I was already punchy before the punch began to flow. I let my friends drink deeply from that well; I was already having mild hallucinations without a lot of help from Mr. Corona. Sleep deprivation is a freaky thing, but it can also be amusing or embarrassing for one's companions in a public place.
For the first time since my days at the gone-and-likely-forgotten Checkpoint Lounge, and that was in my early 20s, I not only drew on the napkins, I defiled them with a veritable marching band of penises. I was on a roll, and I was takin' requests. Who'd have thought a table full of seemingly nice girls could start shouting out suggestions like "Draw one that leans to the left!" and "Draw an uncircumcised one!" But shout they did, in a completely ladylike fashion, of course, and I made an entire storyboard peopled by penises. I believe one of the napkins did feature the slogan "It's a Penis Parade!" And it was. There was the thick, veiny rascal, over here the one cowering in his turtleneck with the caption, "I'm shy." Large, small, crooked, proud, and each one in full squirting action. Why didn't I take pictures? That's a legitimate question, and I can only plead extreme exhaustion coupled with tipsy stupidity.
Of course, we spread it out on the table so that the waitress charged with picking up after our mess might enjoy the glory of our sparkling personalities long after Elvis had left the building.
Nowhere did I ever promise to grow up. I'm just making sure I keep that non-promise.
You have to understand, I did this under the influence of about two hours' sleep the night before, and none since, so I was already punchy before the punch began to flow. I let my friends drink deeply from that well; I was already having mild hallucinations without a lot of help from Mr. Corona. Sleep deprivation is a freaky thing, but it can also be amusing or embarrassing for one's companions in a public place.
For the first time since my days at the gone-and-likely-forgotten Checkpoint Lounge, and that was in my early 20s, I not only drew on the napkins, I defiled them with a veritable marching band of penises. I was on a roll, and I was takin' requests. Who'd have thought a table full of seemingly nice girls could start shouting out suggestions like "Draw one that leans to the left!" and "Draw an uncircumcised one!" But shout they did, in a completely ladylike fashion, of course, and I made an entire storyboard peopled by penises. I believe one of the napkins did feature the slogan "It's a Penis Parade!" And it was. There was the thick, veiny rascal, over here the one cowering in his turtleneck with the caption, "I'm shy." Large, small, crooked, proud, and each one in full squirting action. Why didn't I take pictures? That's a legitimate question, and I can only plead extreme exhaustion coupled with tipsy stupidity.
Of course, we spread it out on the table so that the waitress charged with picking up after our mess might enjoy the glory of our sparkling personalities long after Elvis had left the building.
Nowhere did I ever promise to grow up. I'm just making sure I keep that non-promise.
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 10:30 PM
7 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
Bucky, I truly hope that you never grow up!
Uh, why didn’t you save one napkin to share with us?
Yeah, you were kinda generous to the waitress by leaving her all of your artwork. You should have brought them home and taken pictures.
you really ought to have saved it..
or better yet... draw it again! :p
and.. yes.. im am just a random lurker off the internet
I hope some napkin engineer doing a google search runs across your blog.
He may be able to improve his product knowing what design parameters it really has to hold up to.
If you did vagina's would that be considered a feminine napkin?
Dude! You coulda sold those babies on eBay!
Growing up is overrated... at least, that's what I hear. ;)
SSNick - That's a mystery to me as well. Why didn't I snap a picture? I had the camera with me. Color me stupid.
Squirl - Wish I'd thought of it. All I could think was, "Man, I really need some sleep."
Joel - Hi! I'm sure there will be more drawings just like these. It seems I have friends who will once again encourage my juvenile streak.
Jeff' place - Actually, I believe there were at least two vaginas in the whole storyboard, so I reckon those could qualify as feminine napkins. And I left 'em on the table.
Says a lot about my personality, doesn't it?
CKelli - Even if I did plan to grow up, it just wouldn't work out. Not a good fit, I'm afraid.
Planet Penis!! Of course, that just sounds like a pediatric urology department, but still... next time you're drawing phalluses, think of us before destroying the evidence, eh?
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