the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, August 04, 2008

Ya want batteries with that?

Alright, for those of you playing along at home: I have a new job. Well, a NEW new job. I realize my last job was still kinda new, but to be perfectly honest, it got moldy awfully fast.

Really, in my (admittedly damaged) mind, I thought the photography gig would be a great, artistic career for me, taking me in a whole new direction where I could show everyone my grand visions and be paid for all of it. The truth of the matter, though, was that I was being thrown into a nasty whirlwind of overbookings, ill-tempered children with idiot parents, and bitches who will stab you in the boob with a black pen while you're wearing a white blouse. Okay, so the boob stabbing only happened once. But isn't once enough for that shit?

On top of all that, I was only working one or two days a week, and was being asked to drive all over west Michigan to do sessions in the crappiest little studios you can imagine. There is too much variance in the company, so that some studios are grand and well appointed, while others are the size of a matchbox and their props look like the Diarrhea Squad got to them before I did. The record-keeping routines also vary from location to location, so I basically had to re-learn how to close at every store where I was sent to my doom. I've never worked for a company so reluctant to document their money-handling procedures.

Also, did I mention what that job was doing to my knees? You'd think a two-dollar whore would have bendies made of stronger stuff than that, but I found out that wasn't so. Photographing babies and toddlers requires the schmuck behind the camera to squat, kneel, and crawl around on the floor for most of the session, and by the end of any given shift, I felt like I'd been blowing midgets in a gravel pit all day.

I've never abandoned any job that quickly, but if I hadn't quit, I'd have just ended up in jail after breaking the neck of some bitchy mother or grandmother who couldn't get over the fact that I couldn't magically coax a smile out of a three-day-old baby.

So, here I am, enjoying my first day off since beginning my NEW new job last week. It pays less (on an hourly basis) than the last gig, but the drive is short, I know where I'll be working every day, I get scheduled in advance so that I know when I'll be working, and there is actual documentation for everything I'm learning. It's a small electronics store (if you're in the States, you definitely know the name, but let's not mention it here, hmmm?), so I get to be surrounded by geeky gadgets all day, which is never a bad way to go for me. I haven't worked a cash register in over 20 years, and let me tell ya - they have some fancy, fancy buttons on 'em now! I'm still learning my way around the merchandise, and of course, we're resetting the whole store right now, just to keep me confused. Consequently, I feel like a big ol' tard when people ask me where to find a fiber-optic cable, or an A/B switch for RCA plugs, but I do eventually find the goods, so I think there may be hope for me.

The best part of this job, though, is that my livelihood doesn't depend on getting small children to stand still, look at the camera, and smile. I just need to get adults to stand still, browse the cameras, and buy.

Now...do you have a minute? I'd like to show you a great wireless plan...

9 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

"I felt like I'd been blowing midgets in a gravel pit all day."

You do know how to get your point across, darlin. ;)

I'm glad you're liking this job a bit more.

1:48 PM, August 04, 2008  
Blogger Memphis Steve said...

I need a Canon digital Rebel. What can you do for me?

2:08 PM, August 04, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do hope you can handle the customers that come in and do not know what they need, like me!I normally will have a small broken piece of whatever and just hope someone can help. Anyway, I envy you the ability to just change jobs like that! See, I am a wimp, stuck in a job with a sneaky,creepy boss. enjoy
Amy

2:16 PM, August 04, 2008  
Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

What I'd really like to know is... how do you KNOW how it feels to be blowing midgets in a gravel pit?

3:51 PM, August 04, 2008  
Blogger eclectic said...

I'm glad you have a gadgety job now instead of the midgety one. But hey, midgets need blowjobs too, I'm just sayin'.

6:04 PM, August 04, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

I like this job for you much better, too. :-)

8:53 PM, August 04, 2008  
Blogger chia said...

Yaaaaaaay employee discounts! I hope this pans out hellava better than the last. Of course, it's not tough competition ;-)

3:52 PM, August 06, 2008  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

circus kelli stole my comment.

10:20 AM, August 09, 2008  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Congratulations on your new stand-up job, Ms. Bucky.

Blowing midgets in a gravel pit sounds like a scene from a Mitchell Brothers porn flick.

7:47 AM, August 11, 2008  

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