I want all my poems read aloud by George Gaynes

Let's ease into the year with a little bad poetry, shall we?

Palsy jazz hands and a white cactus growin' out your ear;
Albino jerky man, liver-spotted rattlesnake,
A brazen inch of pale ankle twixt cuff and sock.
Got more behind you than you got comin'
So why not shuffle to the chase?
No, thank you, kind sir;
I would not like to blow you.

Oh, also - I graduated.

The waiting is the hardest part:




Then I got up on stage and looked like this in front of people:




So now you must call me "Master." Or, you know, continue on with "asshole."