the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Just like in the movies

It's no secret that little girls, deep in their unicorn-lovin' souls, all want to live out the best parts of their favorite movies. Of course, as a little girl blossoms into sluthood, the definition of best parts morphs. The little girl wants to have her hand kissed chastely by Ashley Wilkes; the slut wants to be taken upstairs and ravaged by Rhett Butler (yeah, Squirl, I mean you). But whether the silver-screen dream involves ponies and rainbows or ponies and shackles, how many of us actually get to make a reality out of the fantasy?

Well, I'm here to tell you I'm one lucky girl. I recently had the completely unplanned opportunity to act out a scene from one of my favorite movies, and I have my sweet, generous husband to thank for the whole cinematic experience.

Anyone who is forced to spend any time whatsoever with me knows that I love, enough to marry it, the movie Dodgeball. It's impossibly stupid and retarded, just like me, so we're a good match. "Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge!" is our motto around here. If you haven't seen it, get a few beers in you and rent it. If you have seen it, and you didn't like it, then we might just have to discuss that in the sternest of terms.

So yesterday, Jim and I were having our usual after-work chit-chat while I watch the videotape of my incredibly vapid but strangely addictive soap, and he does color commentary. I don't even remember what we were talkin' about, but he said something that set me off, and I started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

And...and...I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

I had to run out of the room, hand over my mouth, still unable to stop laughing.

So my silver-screen fantasy was fulfilled, if only for a day.

32 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't get it.

That must mean I need to see the movie.

Which I've totally been meaning to do.

But you can still talk sternly to me, Bucky. Especially if you wear your hair in a bun while you do it.

Heh-heh. Buns.

9:41 PM, April 06, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug, you used to be such a nice girl. Did the weird bloggers do this to you, or has this always been lurking in the shadows of your soul?

You said "bun" and "do it"

Release your inner Beavis...NOW!

10:24 PM, April 06, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

The creeping upchuck.

10:29 PM, April 06, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I used to be a nice girl, too. Not anymore. Tonight, I realized that I'm going to need to sign up for disability, because I can't work anymore, because I'm sitting there at work trying to listen to a client who suffers from PTSD, major depressive episodes, panic disorder, you name it, she has it, and what pops into my head? Cuntway. Cuntway Titty. So I have to bite my lip until it bleeds, and put my head down like I'm listening intently, when really what I'm doing is trying not to PWAAHAAHAAAHAAAHAA because I have Cuntway Titty in my head. You think that's funny? You may be subpoenaed to my disability hearing. My life is ruined. PWAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAAHAA.

11:31 PM, April 06, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Dodge Ball ROCKS.
I knew we were internet friends for a reason.

11:32 PM, April 06, 2005  
Blogger Joseph said...

Oh god...I can't believe I'm about to do this, but oh

It's no secret that little redheaded boys, deep in there unicorn-lovin' souls, all want to live out the best parts of their favorite movies.

I wanted to be in that movie "Legend" and save the unicorn.

And...and...I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

WE LOVED DODGBALL!!!! FRREeeeeky Naughty!!!!

12:19 AM, April 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not only little girls who want to act out a movie, Buckaroo. Little boys do too. I'm just ACHING to have someone bring me spaghetti while I'm in the tub, a la "Gummo".

12:19 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Bucky,your such a lucky girl!

When I was little, I wanted to grow up to be Malificent from Sleeping Beauty.

But now I guess I will settle for something alittle more realistic.

Now when I grow up I think I would like to be a bad influence on others around me.

4:55 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I'd have been happy just pushing a few buttons on the steering wheel of the Mach 5. I'd still enjoy that as a matter of fact.

No, I don't wanna drive it, I'm afeared to drive too fast.

6:42 AM, April 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait. I'm still stuck on the first paragraph.

Did Squirl want to be ravaged by Rhett Butler?

Or....OR, did you want to be ravaged by Squirl dressed up as Rhett Butler?

7:29 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Thank you so much for the slut comment. I never did like that Ashley very much. Give me Rhett any day.

Haven't seen dodgeball yet. Don't understand the reference. One of these days I'll watch it.

Oh, Susie, how are you gonna work now. Bad, bad Cuntway Titty.

Any idea why Dooce shut down comments today?

7:32 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Eeeww, La Pix, no incest jokes this early in the morning, please.

7:33 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said... Okay, you know that's a lie. But really, sorry 'bout your bloody lip. ;)

Torrie, Greenie: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!

Dazed: spaghetti? I need to rethink my bath plans. Spaghetti?

Jess - I think you have the "bad influence" thing pretty fine tuned. I was a good, upstanding, wholesome, virginal Catholic girl until I read your blog. Now I know things that no virgin should know.
Oh, and don't do that growing up thing; it's highly, highly overrated.

Mr. B - Go speed racer, go! The only thing cooler would be Tom Slick in the Thunderbolt Grease Slapper.

La Pix - well, now, you've given me something entirely different to ponder. I mean, Squirl and I look a lot alike, so of course I think she's cute, but...but...
Sorry, Squirl! I love ya, but I don't love ya, you know?

7:42 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Squirl, I looked at the last comments last night, and didn't seem especially contentious. shrug
I know it was a little testy earlier, so maybe Heather peeked in later and said "Fuck you people who can't harass each other nicely."

Oh, and you're welcome. I'll call you a slut anytime you want.

And we still have to do something about the fact that you've NEVER SEEN A PORN MOVIE!

7:50 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

I wanted to sit on the table in that pink bridesmaid dress like Molly Ringwald and lean over the birthday cake and kiss Jake.

7:58 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Fist said...

I want to be Oscar Schindler. Seeing all that history! Meeting all those people!

8:42 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Okay, Bucky, I saw your comment on RSA. Mom will not be explaining anything to me. I think you got some splainin' to do.

8:49 AM, April 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bucky, I'm still a nice girl.

But even nice girls have to release their inner Dominatrix every now and then.

9:18 AM, April 07, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bucky - you really need to see "Gummo". If there's a movie that's just so totally *WRONG*, it's Gummo. It's like a train wreck, really. You don't WANT to see what's happening and you're repulsed, yet somehow, strangely drawn...

9:49 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Suddenly a mysterious Dodge appears on the track. It's Mr. Bloggerific Himself, who, unbeknownst to Speed, is actually Racer X in disguise...Speed's older brother who left home during a shortage of toilet paper and barf bags.

10:03 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Oh wait, wrong site.

11:38 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

For those of you who are GWTW fans, there is a list of what astrological signs each character is supposed to be. I'll dig it up for enquiring minds.

Um, Susie, what happens if working for months on end with no days off turns me INTO the psycho client? What then?

Yeah, I can't figure out why Dooce keeps randomly shutting off the comments - maybe it DOES need to move to a moderated bulletin board. who knows... but kbbaw as sweet as she is, might end up getting dooced herself is her boss saw what was going on, if she is in a corporate environment.

Greenthumb - isnt Legend the film that has Tim Curry as a big red monster? I dont remember a unicorn?

Um, my favorite movie of all time is an Orson Welles movie - when he wasnt quite fat yet - its called "The "Third Man" - I am now officially disturbed by what that may mean.

Yeah, I had that Rhett Butler fantasy too ...

um, officially rambling. need lunch

Anyone want to come over and netwrok the first floor of my building for me? My iSP just told me I "sheould do it myself"

11:39 AM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

see? im so stressed about it I can't even spell it - how about network the first floor of my building for me?

12:45 PM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

Dodgeball kicks ass!

Bucky, how did you KNOW that I long to be roughly swept upstairs and ravaged by Rhett Butler? How can someone with such big ears be so damn sexy?

"Tonight, I will NOT be shut out!"

Way better than porn.
Ok, I'm gonna go take my O face picture now.

12:48 PM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

I also just wanted to share this with the world, no reason.
So I call Vonage to ask about VOiP - I'm talking to the guy whom I highly suspect to be offshore phone support, and ask him if he is, during this call, using Vonage.
Answer: No.

1:15 PM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

oh shite, susie, I JUST WENT TO YOUR BLOG - and found out you're a therapist. im sorry for what I sdaid earlier.

1:31 PM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

True confessions, sister, what's the soap? (a fellow secret addict here.... ATWT!)

10:50 PM, April 07, 2005  
Blogger Joseph said...

whfropera: Legend is the movie where Tom Cruise fights the big bad ugly red demon spawn, but there is also the fair maiden who touched the unicorn. One unicorn dies in the beginning. How could you not remember the unicorns???

12:40 AM, April 08, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

PlazaJen: General Hospital! I first watched it with Squirl when I was in high school, back when Laura was still with Scotty and Bobbi wanted Scotty and sleazy Luke came to town and wanted Laura. Yeah, Squirl, you're so busted for gettin' me hooked on a soap.
Then I stopped, watched a bit with my Mom in the mid '80s, then got hooked again about a year and a half ago. Now it's an open addiction, and I tape it every day and put up with the surprisingly small amount of shit Jim gives me over it.

7:43 AM, April 08, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

Greenie: i lack that whole unicorn/horses gene that girls seem to have. :(

btw - thanks for the tip on starting the seedlings - they are justr bursting out of their little seed shells all over the place on my kitchen windowsill.

7:52 PM, April 08, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

If we're talking about about soaps - I never watched one, but I used to date an actor who played a character on OLTL for a long time in the late 80's early 90s - the first time he came over and stayed the night, my roommate LOST IT completely and started calling all her girlfriends on the phone..."you won't believe who's here!! _insert character name here". She knew EVERY part he had played on the 3 soaps he had been on - but OTLT was his longest running one.
It kinda wrecked the nookie on that particular evening, but he made up for it later.

7:57 PM, April 08, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

rollin' on the floor - will have to get up soon before the yogurt spray on the monitor dries

8:27 PM, April 08, 2005  

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