the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Polite correspondence

Dear snowflakes:

I've done my best to be a gracious host, but now I feel that I must speak up. Truthfully, when a few of you show up at a time, it's no bother. In small doses, you and your kind are very attractive and a bit festive. However, when you feel the need to bring everyone you know, all your friends, your family, all the flakes from the bar at closing time, flakes you haven't seen since high school, I have to say that it becomes something of a nuisance. Must you drop in unexpectedly like this, all of you at once? Is it really necessary for you to just sprawl all over the grass and the sidewalks and the steps and the streets? Couldn't you have your family picnic somewhere more convenient (for me)?

While I'm fully aware that, eventually, you will go away of your own accord, you overstay your welcome more often than not. It makes me feel kind of rude when I have to shovel you out of the way, but you just won't take a subtle hint to move. You don't respect my personal space, either, when you suddenly gather on my shoulders, in my hair, and up the sleeve of my coat. I'm sorry, but I have boundaries, and you cross them without a second thought.

I hope you will not think less of me for venting here, but there comes a time when even the most tolerant host must announce that the party is OVER. Stop eating my pretzels, quit drinking my wine, and cease making my porch slippery. You know who you are.




16 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Maven said...


Perhaps the funniest thing I've read today: Fuck off and melt!

2:00 PM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

We're getting our first of their kind, right this very minute. I'll go outside and read this to them.

2:48 PM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

Yep, their insinuating themselves here, too...

5:19 PM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

The only problem with the melting? The slimy sludge created while the flakes were doing the macarena all over the yard is now exposed and disgusting. Putting the dog out now is beyond disgusting, and letting him back in is a nightmare. I'm hoping it will freeze again already!

5:42 PM, January 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fabulous! Did it work? No snow or even frost here at all so far, which I'm not impressed about. Not that we get much in the south of England but it's not winter without at least a bit of frost. It just doesn't feel right not having to chip my car out of a big ball of ice like a frozen prawn...

6:06 PM, January 21, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There you go, just move to England with me Bucky :-).

8:56 PM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks, Bucky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now the bloody snowflakes are arriving at MY house.

9:29 PM, January 21, 2007  
Blogger dmmgmfm said...

We've already gotten more than our share here as well. I've about had enough! It snows, it melts, it freezes, it sucks!

12:06 AM, January 22, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rude bastards. Some people just don't learn.


12:46 AM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

Ooops. My bad. That was me.


12:46 AM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

Bucky, maybe you need to sing a few choruses of this:
Bucky Done Gun

6:36 AM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

Yeah, I feel the same way about snow. I shouldn't be complaining as we've had very little snow up until about a week or two ago and the temps have been pretty high.

But, still, FUCK OFF AND MELT!

9:44 AM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

And the fuckers are threatening to come here tonight -- did you send them? Out of spite? My plan is to cut them off at the pass and offer them a free Carribean cruise.

5:33 PM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Soak it in gasoline (preferably borrowed from someone else's car), light match, and run like Hell.

6:52 PM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Eddie said...

sounds like a slippery time, in fl its nice and wet today.

7:20 PM, January 22, 2007  
Blogger Libraryhill said...

We are getting our second pounding in two weeks - in OKC of all places. Mind if I post this on my front door? Maybe the'll take the hint.

1:29 PM, February 01, 2007  

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