the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The straw that broke the camel's chair

I'll be the first to admit that my house is not especially furnished to accomodate company. The living room is decked out with his n' hers easy chairs, a table for our drinks, and a TV. Then there's the roaming decoration to consider, and by that I mean bad dog Snickers.

Snickers weighs roughly 65 pounds, but has it fixed in his mind that he is a lap dog. He'll jump up into the chairs when they're not occupied, but he's not too keen on jumping into a lap. Instead, he gets his paws up in your lap, and then scrambles his big-butt self on the front of the chair, a look of, uh, dogged determination on his face, until he finally gets a foot hold and can fully dominate the chair with you under him. Sure, we could put up the footrest and make it easy for him, but when did that ever build character?

Anyway, last night Jim and I were watching TV and he reclined in his chair, which reclined a whole lot further than he had intended. We both chuckled as the chair kept going back and back, and when he was nearly upside down, he remarked, "Gonna hafta tighten that spring."

That reminded me of the time, about ten years and three easy chairs ago, when his inferior chair betrayed him. I was talking to a friend on the phone, and the last thing she heard before I hung up abruptly was, "I have to go, Jim just tipped over in his chair!"

I mentioned the cherished memory to Jim and we had a few laughs. Then Snickers decided to insert his presence into the proceedings. As the footrest was abnormally high in the air, he decided it was best to board Jim's chair from the side, and he came around the arm and started wiggling his way up over Jim's shoulders.

In retrospect, we probably should have made him stop climbing, but if you could see the look on his face while he's determined to get up there, you wouldn't be able to stop him either, because you'd be laughing too hard. He finally got himself on top of Jim, and at first seemed actually prepared to lay down and be still. Oh, yeah, that's a crack-pipe dream, to be sure. The dog simply cannot resist standing up when he's perched himself on top of a person in a chair.

As Snickers stood, I could see the chair start to go, and there was no way I was going to be there in time to do anything about it. Jim, reacting more quickly than I was, managed to get his hands behind him and grab the wall before the chair went completely. As he balanced the chair, himself, and the dog, he looked over at me and grinned, as if to say, "Situation firmly in hand, madame."

Then Snickers, all 65 tri-colored pounds of him, fell onto Jim's face.

To Jim's credit, he was still able to brace himself so the chair didn't completely collapse, but his hands looked a lot more squished against the wall at that point. In case you're wondering, I did finally make it over to help him right the chair. I'm just not saying I hurried, either. 'Cause if there's one thing that's funnier than a man tipped over in his easy chair, it's a tipped fellow with a 65-pound, surprised looking dog on his face.

15 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

And, tell me, when was the last time you saw that much fur on Jim's face?

7:35 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Well, there was that time I fell off the monkey bars. . .
Must. . .not. . .say. . .more

8:27 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger Girl.A said...

There's nothing like a Papa with a piebald pooch on the peritoneum.

9:46 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Poor bad dog Snickers. Snickers. *snort* You should get another one and name it Hershey. Or Milky Way. Or Kit Kat. Or....shoot. I gotta go. Got a serious chocolate craving going on now.

9:54 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Lovely alliteration, lass.

You said piebald.

Piebald.

Piebald.

Say it with me.

9:56 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

I still think we should have gone for a more descriptive name for the dog, like Fart Face. That one kinda says it all. . .

9:57 PM, February 02, 2005  
Blogger Girl.A said...

Not to be confused with a Papa having a piebald pooch on the perineum. Ahem.

7:45 AM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Oh, it's not for lack of tryin' on the piebald pooch's part!

7:48 AM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Girl.A said...

Yes, if it smells like ass, then a dog will sure want to be friends with it.

7:53 AM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

Is Girl A infering that Jim's face smells like ass?

10:48 AM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Well, not to say it *doesn't* smell like ass (sorry, honey, please don't beat me with the soap in the sock again!), but in this case, I believe Girl.A meant Jim's perineum, which, according to dictionary,com, is:

"The region between the scrotum and the anus in males, and between the posterior vulva junction and the anus in females."

We always called it "taint" -- 'cause it tain't pussy, and it tain't asshole, neither!

10:54 AM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Girl.A said...

Yes, exactly right, Bucky.

And if it had been the pooch perching not on the Papa's peritoneum but on his partner's perineum, then your post might have been painted as "The Straw That Broke The Camel-Toe".

Ouch. Feel free to spit in my direction.

1:11 PM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Actually, Girl.A, you bring to mind a question that's been bothering me for some time now. Maybe you can help.

Can you get an ingrown nail on a camel toe?

I want to know for, um, a FRIEND.

1:47 PM, February 03, 2005  
Blogger Amanda B. said...

That is very funny. I wish I could have seen it. You must take pics while you giggle at dog smothered Jim. :)

2:48 AM, February 05, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Shopping for a digital camera as I write this. . .
No more missed Kodak moments!

7:28 AM, February 05, 2005  

Post a Comment

<< Home