the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I didn't recognize you without the handcuffs

It's not too often you'll see me jump up and down with glee, like a schoolgirl with her drawers full of ball bearings, over an upcoming movie, but I'm doin' the ball-bearing dance even as I type. There are actually two flicks that have my attention, one with a definite release date, one in a distribution limbo that leaves my mouth dry and my limbs twitchy.

The cinematic experience with a mark on my calendar is the much-anticipated movie version of the musical RENT. If you don't know the music, do yourself a favor and visit the movie site, where they have a good sampling from the soundtrack available. It rocks. I would not lie to you about things that rock. It comes out November 23, and I am all over it Thanksgiving weekend.

I've always had a thing for musicals (I was obsessed with Man of La Mancha and Fiddler on the Roof when I was in grade school...shut up!), but RENT is the first musical I've seen as an adult that has had such an impact on me, emotionally and artistically. I've seen the show live three times, and I've listened to the Broadway soundtrack enough times to convince the neighbors that I'm really a percussionist drag queen. Come on, how could I not love it? It's got a guitar player, a computer geek/philosopher, an S&M stripper, bickering lesbians, the cutest li'l transvestite east of Saugatuck...what's not to dig?

They managed to get all of the original principles from the Broadway show, except for Mimi (Rosaria Dawson replaced Daphne Rubin-Vega, who was pregnant at the time the film was shot) and Joanne (Tracey Thoms replaced...um, what was her name? Okay, the CD says Fredi Walker...does anyone care?). A quick look across the hall into Arjay's office, though, reveals that I am not the only one around here who's excited about this cinematic premiere:


rentscreens1
RENT desktop wallpaper! Dual screens! Geek-o-rama!

Another movie that makes me pee bullets in anticipation is one that does not currently have a distributor lined up, and that is the long-awaited-and-creamed-over Strangers With Candy movie. It was a huge success when it had its premiere at Cannes, but so far, there hasn't been a domestic distributor with the balls to release it (I've heard that many cuts were required to drop this to an R rating). I hope it at least comes out on DVD, because as wrong as the TV show was, I'm sure the movie will make me cringe and dry heave in delight. For anyone unlucky enough to've missed the SWC phenomenon, I'll try to nutshell that puppy for you: SWC was a short-lived series on Comedy Central that was billed as an After-Hours After-School Special. Its heroine was Jerri Blank, a 50-something high-school dropout who's been a junkie, a hooker, and a convict, and now she wants to pick up where she left off in high school. Think extremely sick and wrong, then multiply it by 250, and you're probably still not even close to the depths to which this show would sink for my laughter. Anyone who thinks Amy Sedaris is not a comedic genius, well, I've got a grabby little pucker for your tongue.

Best exchange, ever, from the show:

Tammi Littlenut: "You're crazy."
Jerri Blank: "Pee on me!"

I found some Jerri Blank wallpaper at one of the SWC tribute sites, and could not resist puttin' it on my desktop. But then I right clicked on the window that popped up when I chose "Warhol Jerri."

Warhol Jerri wallpaper

Look at the message on the javascript popup window, and then try to tell me you still don't understand why I love all that is Jerri Blank and Strangers With Candy:

dickalicious
This speaks to me.

I've got my buttered popcorn, my trenchcoat, and a laminated banana. Who's comin' with me?

26 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Jim said...

I've never seen 'Rent' but everyone I know who has tells me that I absolutely MUST.

"Strangers With Candy" was THE BEST TV show in the history of the entire world - and Canada. I have the first three seasons on DVD. I think I share your love for the 'pee on my' line. And of course, I love the scenes with Jellineck and Noblet. Classic stuff!

10:56 AM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Jim said...

er, make that 'pee on ME'..not 'MY'..but that might be fun too.

10:56 AM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Did you already preorder RENT for purchase then?

"Strangers with Candy" scares me.

11:17 AM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

Seriously could the Sedaris family save a little talent for the rest of us?

12:10 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

How're you going to eat the banana if it's laminated? ~batts eyelashes innocently~

12:17 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

"Dickalicious" is my new favorite term. I shall use it in conversation at least 5 times today, just to take it for a spin, see how it drives.

12:17 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

First, what the hell is a laminated banana?

And as for, "...to convince the neighbors that I'm really a percussionist drag queen," I'm Alllllmost convinced...almost.

1:22 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Jim - ha! Yeah, Jellineck and Noblet were always entertaining. I liked the one where Jellineck got hit by a car and his face came completely off.
You have the DVDs? I'll be over in three hours, and I'm bringin' crab rangoon.

Oh, and PEE ON ME, too.

CKelli - I have not preordered RENT, but I do listen to the Broadway soundtrack over and over and over and over...
And SWC scares me, too. That's why I love it sooooo much.

Torrie - I KNOW! I would love to live in an apartment building where David had his own apt and so did Amy. Oh, the laundry room would be even more interesting than one with Homies!

Effie - you're a naughty girl trying to pretend you're not. That's HAWT!

Eclectic - the dickalicous brown fox jumped over the dickalicious dog.

Annejelynn - I could convince you better if I only had SOME sense of rhythm.
And it just makes sense to laminate one's banana if one anticipates, um, moisture.

2:10 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

oh no--you didn't just refer to Paris Hilton--DID you????

2:28 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

The title reminds me of an event at (Cheap) Trick Fest 3. A gent took a nasty spill on some steps and when CT bassist Tom Petersson saw the guy later, he said "I didn't recognize you without your head on a step."

2:47 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Kassi said...

Before I read on any further, I was wondering why glee is derived from having ball bearings in your pants, especially if one is a school girl...riddle me this and then I can continue reading the rest of the post.

4:17 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I, too, am a fan of musicals, with Hair, Cats, and Jesus Christ Superstar at the top of my list. So, Bucky, with your ball-bearing dance applauding RENT, I suppose I’ll have to see it.

5:52 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Since I just saw Rent off Broadway last summer I'll have to watch the movie at some point. I never really saw SWC when it was on TV. I'll have to catch that one, too.

6:59 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

ok, im going to pee on your parade just a little.
La Boheme? Brilliant. Rent? Sucks, sorry. Throw all the spitballs you want, but its a knock-off. It also condones drug use in a positive way, which disturbs me greatly.
(steps OFF the damn soapbox)
ok, tangent jump: do kids/teens of today even know what "stepping off your soapbox means?" I'm assuming NOT.

And yes, the Sedaris family is too F-ING BRILLIANT for words. Amy and David can come stay at my house anytime and be as dysfunctional as they want.

7:56 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

You know, I don't think Strangers With Candy has been on TV here in Canada. Surely our loss. But I can rent the DVDs and I will.

9:10 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Effie - surely you knew I had to play the Paris card sooner or later?

Bone Machine - Ow, I bet the mental bruises healed more slowly than the knot on his head...

Kassi - you know, I haven't the vaguest idea what I meant by that. I rarely have any idea what I meant by anything I wrote. You think this shit's obtuse? You should see my song lyrics!
But really...I really don't know what it means, but isn't it a bizarre and vaguely disturbing mental picture? That's usually enough for me.

SS Nick - YES! If you dig rockin' musicals, which it sounds like you do, you will not be disappointed.

Squirl - I've only seen Rent off-off-off-off Broadway (however many "off"s it takes to get to Michigan). And you really must see more SWC...it's just so utterly, completely, unredeemingly WRONG. *sigh* Wish I'd thought of it.

Opera gal - oh, you go 'head and pee all you want, girl - I've got on my plastic rainsuit (the festive red and yellow one) for no particular reason. Very pee resistant.
I won't argue the La Boheme vs Rent, since obviously a lot of Rent's framework was lifted from LB. But I don't know if I agree that it condones or glamorizes drug use in any way. It's acknowledged as the reason some major players are HIV positive, and the reason other players are dead, the dealers are portrayed as scumbags...I don't think I'd ever come away from the theatre and say, "Gosh, I want some of that heroin, mmmmmm."
Now, I'm not stepping off my soap box, because, well...there's pee on the floor in here! ;)

And I love the story I heard about how Amy S. likes to wear the Jerri Blank "fat pants" around her dad, because it makes him crazy. I wish Amy and David had grown up in my neighborhood.

Kranki - if you just think "sick and wrong" you won't be disappointed. It's guaranteed to at least try to offend everyone before all's said and done.
Though I think it would be hard to offend a woman who puts her cat in a cone bra for only TWO of its teats...

9:54 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

See, I am not so into the musicals, yet, I, too, am GAGA for 'Rent' when it opens! I'm like a pointer when the tv spot comes on promoting it - head turns, transfixed, I stare and start singing along.....
Those aliens. They figured out how to come & get us, Bucky!

10:17 PM, November 10, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

I haven't seen either of these, but I will. Rent, I will. The other one, a little scared, but I'll probably give it a try. I am looking forward to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Oh, do watch Martha today. I believe she's doing banana laminating. It's a good thing.

7:28 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

PlazaJen - I do think the aliens got us. I'm like you - if I see anything Rent, I just stop whatever I'm doing and I'm transfixed until the commercial/song/converstation passes. Do they have pills for people like us?

Susie - Rent is definitely an adults-only show (I'm assuming you don't get into depth discussing AIDS, drugs, gay folks and cross dressers with LG quite yet), and SWC is REALLY and adults-only affair, whether it's the TV show or the movie.
But it's so wrong it's right, if you know what I mean. If you ever rent the SWC TV show to watch, I guarantee you will spend much of the time gasping, looking over at Jif, and exclaiming, "OH NO SHE DI'IN'T!"

7:52 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Okay, I must be the biggest dork here because the movie I'm anxiously awaiting is Harry Potter.

And I'm also responsible, by way of string bass in an orchestra pit, for getting Bucky hooked on Man of La Mancha and Fiddler on the Roof.

There I've said it. Don't know if I feel any better, though.

8:25 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

I am dying to see Rent too. Never heard of SWC. And because I am retarded and try to read too fast I thought you wrote laminated BANDANA. And I was all, uh, huh, what?

8:31 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

amy, bandana laminating is NEXT week on Martha :)

8:47 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

CONDOMS ARE FOR COWARDS, WHO'S WITH ME? I can't fucking WAIT for Strangers With Candy Bucky, AND YOU KNOW THIS. They'd better not cut out all the money shots, even if you can still see a lot of pink.

Favorite line ever? "CLEARLY, she's retarded." Runner up: "Take a hike, Bubbles. Here comes my old lady."

10:13 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

Also? I have to agree with opera. Rent? Not a musical. La Boheme? Les Miserables? Little Shop of Horrors? Real musicals. Duh.

10:15 AM, November 11, 2005  
Anonymous Jerri Blank said...

What's up Susie? Nice camel toe.

10:18 AM, November 11, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Squirl - I am absolutely blaming you and your bass. For shame.

Amy - Oh, I can laminate the bandana, too. ;)

Susie - me and Martha, we're homies.

Spoonie - OK, what is with the Rent hatahs? Have you and Opera Gal ever actually SEEN Rent? How can you not love a show with the cutest, danciest little drag queen in the world? Work with me, people!

Jerri - I had noticed, too, but I'm glad you said it. Susie DOES have a nice camel toe. I'm moist as a snack cake down there.

2:46 PM, November 11, 2005  

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