The bacon strip's sizzlin'

• The more I hear it said, the more I think feng shui sounds like something that can only be removed with a healthy regimin of Tinactin.
  
  
• Now that I have the complete DVD set, I'm surprised at how many episodes of Strangers With Candy I apparently missed when it was first broadcast. Last night was filled with sushi and the totally inappropriate humor of SWC. It's the kind of show that's so extremely twisted and wrong that I shut it off hastily and with great guilt when the kids come in the room. There are too many things in there that could stunt their growth, quotes like "Stoney and I would go over to Buckle's and Puff would turn us on to a hot load of mescaline crumbled into a tumbler of ether with a float of Percocet jimmies. I'd wake up with blood on my ass, and then we'd get high. Those were some good times!". Hell, I think it may have stunted my growth, too. That would explain a lot, wouldn't it?
  
  
• I see a package of turkey bacon in the refrigerator and it's all I can think of. Wonder if I can will it into the frying pan tonight...
  
  
• Wouldn't you think that, at age 41, the gods would see fit to stop sending me all these motherfucking ZITS? Of course, the gods would probably be more helpful if I hadn't brought home three bags of Better Made potato chips from Michigan.
  
  
• On Friday, I have an appointment at a different day spa to get the fuzz ripped off the monkey. This will be my fourth waxer in a year. My monkey is a total slut. A scary, scary slut.
  
  
• Good news! I got a letter from the payroll department where I used to work, stating that a check from March had never been cashed. I wrote to them and explained that I am not in possession of this check, so they are reissuing it! Rock on, Chaka Khan!
  
  
• I don't think it's too presumptuous of me to say that Israel is experiencing some, ah, extraordinary conflict right now. That said, when I was looking through my Site Meter search results last week, I found that someone from a scientific institute in Israel had found my site via a Google search for "shove a gerbil in your ass through a toob" Now, either someone's just lookin' to relieve a little tension, or something is being planned that is clearly in violation of the Geneva Convention.
  
  
• Speaking of gerbils, that reminds me of a conversation I had with a girl where I used to work. She had never heard of the the delightful concept of gerbiling, so, being ever helpful, I was explaining it to her. She wrinkled up her nose and got the most disgusted look on her face, and exclaimed, "UGH! Wouldn't that break their necks?" Then her expression became contemplative and she looked off into space for a second; she laughed a little before admitting, "Oh, wait - I was thinking of guinea pigs!"
  
  No, dear. Guinea pigs go in the vagina.