Quick, before she gets back from the bathroom!

Dear nice people who read my mommy's web site:

I'm a fussy gay cat who dresses better than any of you do, and I would normally consider myself "above" all of you out there, but I'm coming to you with my stylish little hat in my hand. I need your help, people.

As you can see from the picture above, my mother the bitch has had the audacity to invite a dinosaur - yes, a goddamn dinosaur - into our happy home. Now, I'm not saying I'm afraid of it, because I'll have you know that I'm a brave, brave little kitty who only runs if a person approaches me or thinks about me. But this dino follows me all around the house, harassing me, roaring at me, sticking its horns in my butt...frankly, it's got me frazzled. Is it any wonder I'm a nervous wreck and spend two hours a week on a shrink's couch?

Look at this picture. Look at what she's done to me. The bitch is chipping away at my dignity, destroying it a little more day by day with her battery-operated dinosaurs and her visitors who insist on finding me and touching me. I have to groom my fur right now just thinking about it.

Someone please help. Come and take this triceratops out of my house and let me watch Bravo TV in peace. Also, if you could bitch slap my mom, that'd be the icing on the neat little cake.

Thanks in advance!

Sincerely,

Duke Friday Aloysius Ptang Ptang Olay Biscuit Barrel Tuxbury
(but you can call me "Your highness, Friday")