the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Open letter to my co-workers

Dear People Who Must Share an Office Building With Me:


First off, if you haven't seen me in the last couple of days, please don't take it personally. Conversely, if you have seen me in the last couple of days...please don't take it personally. I'm shutting myself in my office for hours at a time in an attempt to avoid hurting anyone's feelings and/or jeopardizing my job. If by chance we have a conversation, my responses to you will be short and clipped, as my nerves are, at this very moment, quite short and clipped.

If I come across as rude and a little desperate, it's not because I don't like you. You may or may not have noticed, depending on just how much of a rat's ass you give about me, my conspicuous absence from the sidewalk in front of this building. You will no longer be treated to the sight of me out smoking in single-digit temperatures, nor will you be blessed with the spectacle of me trying to keep my hair from whipping into the lit end of my cigar on really windy days. I finally broke off my affair with Tobacco. I caved in to societal and peer pressure, and signs like this:

I can take a hint
...or ELSE!

But the bugger of it is, Tobacco doesn't want to break up with me. It's being a real stalker, and if it continues to be so persistent, I will be forced to use the Restaining Order Patch. So, if you see me walking across the parking lot very, very quickly, just let me go. I'm likely walking off a twitch, and talking to me just makes me crabby. If you must speak to me, preface any verbalization by handing me a fresh bag of Made Rite potato chips, or a Blizzard with Reese's Pieces. Or both. I will likely be my old, gregarious, obnoxious self by next week. Then you'll wonder why I won't shut my door and be quiet again, because I'm betting everyone could get used to that pretty fast.

(Okay, okay, I promise to stop with the smoking talk soon, but if I have to go through withdrawal, I'm draggin' you all along for the ride. Also, a shout out to my brother Timmy who is 45 today! Thanks for taggin' me with Bucky Four-Eyes, bro!)

10 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kitty - we can have a Bitch-a-Thon in Grand Rapids later this month, and see who Squirl shoots first!

Mrtl - heh, I guess you could call it artistic masturbation -- I pimped myself.
And yes, masturbation gets yet another shout out from the Cotillion!

7:27 AM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger Strizz said...

Good luck!

8:10 AM, June 02, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They say that the first three days are the toughest. You're almost home free! Just think, by the Fourth of July you will be one of those militant ex-smokers who casts scathing looks at smokers on the street and fake a cough to make them feel bad! Yay!

We're all rootin' for ya, Bucky. Beat that bastard habit into submission - yeah, baby!

9:40 AM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger Maven said...

Are you going cold turkey, or at least are you getting the Nicorette gum or something?

Take plenty of vitamins, drink plenty of fluids, and try to sleep as much as you can.

Also, I have friends whose smoking habits were so deeply rooted with other habits (i.e. drinking coffee, drinking booze or even eating sweets), they had to give up everything in order to get the monkey (named tobacco) off their back.

9:47 AM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I just hope Arjay knows what's good for him and stays out if the door's closed. :-)

Everybody's still behind you here. Yay, Bucky!

9:53 AM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

No need to "stop with the smoking talk." We're absolutely right here with you, and we want to stay up-to-date on the latest news from the Bucky front...or from the front of Bucky. Whatever.
::raising eyebrows suggestively::

10:36 AM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Or maybe I should've said...

We'd certainly like to be kept abreast of the situation.


12:09 PM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Good luck! My hubby stopped once and it was AWFUL--he didn't last long--more power to ya!

12:29 PM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

When I quit, it felt like I was PMSing 24/7.
A co-worker thought I was being extremely bitchy... but what she was seeing was how I really felt about her!
Maybe you could try sunflower seeds- and spit the shells at offending people.

12:31 PM, June 02, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Dude, If you can dodge the bolts, you can dodge the nicotine demons, trust me. The force is strong in you.

The force of being able to pop off someones head like a dandilion. Nice of you to give them fair warning though. heh.

You can do it! (Said Rob Schneider style a la Little Nicky)

5:01 PM, June 02, 2005  

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