the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, May 27, 2005

Birthday bling and the glitter guy


Birthday Bling
Originally uploaded by Bucky Four-Eyes.

Some folks think old people don't know how to party. Well, I'm here to say pshaw to all that poppycock.

Look at the bling on this old gal. Gimme a hairy chest and lights on the floor, and I'm your Disco Love God.

This awesome display of chunky metal goodness comes courtesy of Balulah's mom, who really knows how to accessorize, if you know what I mean.

Well, shit, as long as I'm here, I might as well actually tell a story for once instead of postin' a picture and dashin' off.

I made what might be construed as a cryptic reference to my husband in my previous audioblog ("I looked like my husband's face when he leaves the titty bar"). Maybe it would be best to explain the whole glitter comment:

About a month ago, Jim went out to visit one of the local strip clubs. Some guys would have to sneak out and downright lie to get away with that, but it's not a problem in our house. I figure, he's responsible enough not to clean out the checking account with trips to the VIP room, and he's guaranteed to be in a good mood when he gets home. Plus then, I can sit and be a blog tard all night. Wait, I do that anyway.

So, on this particular night, he called on his way home and asked if I wanted any food. I did, in fact, feel a bit peckish, so I ordered a passel o' vittles and waited for my horny, food-bearin' husband to arrive home.

When he did sweep through the front door, he was in an even jollier mood than usual. He laughed and told me the woman at the drive-through window had been especially friendly and amused. Of course, with his natural animal magnetism, he thought she was bein' flirtatious. He continued to harbor that notion until he stopped and the brake lights ahead of him illuminated the inside of the truck. Jim happened to glance in the rearview mirror, and realized why the drive-through gal had been so amused.

His face was covered, quite noticably, in glitter. Now, a man with a less understanding wife would've been makin' for a public restroom to wash his face before returning home, since the glitter came from the bare, heaving orbs of the ladies who'd been entertaining him and every lonely businessman in Flint for the evening.

We both had a good laugh over that, 'cause you just know the girl at the drive-in was grinnin' at him and thinkin' "Oh, he's so fuckin' busted when he gets home!"

18 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Loved this tidbit! See, I'm the same way... as long as he's not exchanging fluids with the whores...excuse me "Dancers,"I don't much care what's going on. In fact, I'd love to go. However, somehow, I'm sure that would lessen the enjoyment, having the old ball and chain there, putting a crimp in a man's titty bar enjoyment.

My WASband, when he was just my fiancee, didn't realize how openminded I was, and one night, when I thought he was at college, he decided to go to "Franks Chicken House," in the Manville, NJ area. As fate would have it, at 12 or 1 a.m. when he was leaving, he got a flat. He tried to change the flat, only to SNAP OFF one of the bolts which the tire mounts onto. Totally lying to me about where he was... he was left with no other recourse but to call me, so I could drive over an hour, one way, to go pick his sorry ass up on a dark country road leading up to the titty bar. BA BA BUSTED!

However, Mr. Nugget, my current spouse, I am sure, could benefit from going to a titty bar and relaxing. He's very picky and naggy, kinda like Felix Unger, but without the warm and fuzzy cuteness associated with Felix's constant nasal problems.

12:19 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Whores and Dancers are NOT the same thing.

At all.

12:53 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ha! I would just thought he was sweet and winked at him.

(Bucky I so squinted on that photo to see if you were revealing the dirty pillows. Damn.)

7:38 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ha! I would just thought he was sweet and winked at him.

(Bucky I so squinted on that photo to see if you were revealing the dirty pillows. Damn.)

7:38 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Ha! I would just thought he was sweet and winked at him.

(Bucky I so squinted on that photo to see if you were revealing the dirty pillows. Damn.)

7:38 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

OK, I always thought this was implied, but maybe I should say it:

The only whore at the Cotillion is me. And I'm a $2 whore at that. Okay, and maybe Paris Hilton. But her spoiled ass ain't here, so I get to be the only whore in town.

So, in case anyone is keepin' score, stripper DOES NOT equal whore. Bucky DOES equal whore.

So, Mr. B, how much you pay to get a look at the dirty pillows?

7:58 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I do agree that bodily fluids shouldn't be exchanged. That would piss me off. But you know guys are going to, at least, look at other women. Admit it.

And, no, dancer does not equal whore.

8:28 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Thanks(?) for saving my seat. You know what would be even funnier? A church pew photo, and "Savin' you a seat in Sunday School"! HA (Plus I wouldn't have to conceal THAT from my kid when she walks in the room!)

OK, what can I add to this little confab . . . no titty bar hopping here . . . glitter, nah . . . whores . . . not so much . . . OH! We do sometimes pretend . . . no wait, way TMI . . .

Question: when you do the audioblogs, do you get to preview/redo them before they publish, or do they go right on the blog with the first take? I have to record my outgoing voicemail message 250 times before I like it. Is audioblog patient like that?

8:36 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Uh, I know this is a trick question and here I am stuck with my used #2 lead pencil...but I'm a gonna say..$2?

9:24 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

$2, but with bleeding gums, right? :)

9:34 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Susie - oops, now I've become totally child unfriendly, even from a fair distance!
The audioblog thing: I have to record it a million times. I can NEVER get it to my satisfaction the first or second or tenth time. Oh, how many times do I hear the computer voice say "Press 1 to post, 2 to review, or 3 to re-record" and then I press 3.

How the hell I spoke for five minutes at my college graduation is still a mystery to me.

10:23 AM, May 28, 2005  
Anonymous dazed and confuzed said...

Love the new "look" of your blog, Bucky. And the bling is something to behold, for sure. Word of the day - Nuggetmaven's "WASband". Love that.

PS - If you ever want the boy kind of strippers, go to the Three Sisters in Portland, Oregon on a Saturday night - full monty, baby!

11:11 AM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger She who shall not be named said...

Oh MY God, that is so great. I go to the strip club with the boyfriend. He seemed to enjoy it, although we didn't have the same taste in women. I got more attention, being a girl, and not having my mouth hanging on the edge of the stage. They smelled really good and even squeezed my boobs when they were told it was my birthday....
Wait, maybe it's more like..the boyfriend went with me. HAHA!

1:45 PM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

Wow... by a strange cosmic incidence I just made the first boob joke of my life over at my blog... http://ghostofgoldwater.blogspot.com/2005/05/immature-fun.html

and then I come here and read this... *twilight zone music*

4:04 PM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

looks like your blog got some bling!!
woo hoo - working killer hours - thats why I've been gone a lot.

For those of you who are making an assumption about dancers - I encourage you ALL to read the book "Nine Lives"
link here
Here is a quick blurb:
This book is a delight--it's a pop version of Studs Terkel's WORKING, only author Lynn Snowden goes Studs one better: Instead of just talking with people about what their jobs are like, she actually works the jobs! From the horrors of being a housewife (the scariest chapter in the book) to her in-your-face observations of males and their pseudo-sexual behavior (the time she danced as a stripper), Snowden seldom lets the reader down. She is enormously aware of the unimportance of her ego in each job, and she never patronizes those with whom she works. She really gets in there and does the job--with hilarious and sometimes angry abandon. This book is about the nine jobs you don't want your son or daughter to have, but, disturbingly, it's also a book about all jobs and the politics of the workplace. Let me out of here!

Anyway, gots to go back to work - no picnic for the opera gal this weekend. :(
love ya'll

7:53 PM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Ok I think I can safely comment now. Im settled down.



That story is freaking hysterical, and exactly the reason why I wouldnt allow girls at wear glitter at the club, once that stuff gets on you, its EVERYWHERE for days.

Good luck getting it out of your bedsheets, off the furniture, the dog, your clothes, it migrates all around.

Says the girl who has glittered up many a poor unsuspecting person. But in my defense, it was never when I was a dancer, I did put glitter on my boobs as a bartender or waitress though, nobody is supposed to be touching those anyways!

And if some guy tries to sneak in a drive by drunk guy boobie honk then he gets the handfull of glitter he deserves damn it. Hah.

I still put glitter on when I go out dancing or to clubs to visit my friends, and then I am the one who glitters up the girls hah.

8:09 PM, May 28, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Just checkin' for my girly girl . . . I'll be back . . .

9:27 PM, May 28, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, cool... i just brought tons of bran-new emo backgrounds to my blog
http://www.emo-backgrounds.info

7:50 AM, February 06, 2010  

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