the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Proof that I should've been shot years ago

I've long had delusions of adequacy about my abilities as a songwriter/performer. The first song I can remember writing was at about age 13, a ditty called Friday Night's Weekend. It started out with the charming couplet:

2:35, ain't no jive
We scream on the bus, it's typical of us.

The song's refrain was:

It's a Fri, it's a Fri
It's a Friday night's a-weekend.

Luckily, there is no recorded version of this abomination. However, there is actual auditory proof of some of my later ugly, ugly songs, courtesy of my brother Tardist and his love of multi-track recording by any means necessary. We spent many years recording with two cassette decks, bouncing and adding tracks until we had muddy monsterpieces.

Eventually, I decided to record my songs under the name Singing Mammogram. When Tardist finally graduated to a real four-track recorder, he was kind enough to offer to help me record a set of my songs. The resulting four-song cassette was titled No One Will Be Seen With Me, and featured the unforgettably retarded tracks Mommy Makes Me Do My Hair This Way, King Jezebel, Losin' My Lipstick (in case the title is too subtle for you - yes, it's absolutely about sucky-sucky), and a tribute to Lizzy Borden called That Stuff on the Floor. The cassettes flew off the shelves, but that's only because my calico kept knocking them down.

Here's the cover I painted for the cassette, and then lovingly reproduced on the copy machine at work after hours:

And, for your dining, dancing, and vomiting pleasure, I present to you some of the worst singing you will ever hear, in the form of the snappy paean to an alleged axe murderess, That Stuff on the Floor. (Note: By clicking on the "play" button, you take full responsibility for any blood that happens to squirt from your ears while listening)

24 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's definitely not as bad as it could be! I was waiting for something truly horrific. You malign yourself. Your song reminds me of The Dresden Dolls, actually. :D

9:06 AM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

I have to wait 'cause I don't know where my headphones are and Ichabod's sleeping. I shall return.

9:26 AM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

After my head stops spinning (no pun intended) from all the possible comments I'd like to make, the spinner lands on this one, sincere: Please write your memoirs.

And. I continue to think you are brilliant. An absolute star.

9:27 AM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

I love your sound from that time. Your voice has kind of a punkish sound. I like it.

10:26 AM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Tardist said...

Cool, bloggerworld immortality! I know I feebly played something on keyboards on this one...bass? or that synth-sounding thing? Do you remember. Definitely one of my favorites of your 'stuff'!

11:31 AM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Tarrrrrdist, I'm pretty sure you played the ghostly synth. :)

3:00 PM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

No blood squirted from my ears. It was actually quite good!

5:57 PM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

Just came back to play it for Jif :) He likes it, too. I'm picturing a musical. And I'm wishing I could write a song about WTF...

7:24 PM, November 18, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

I was going to ask who did keys and who did synth, or whether you were a one-man show, so to speak, just using multiple tracks? But Tardist claimed the synthesizer, so that's that. I'm with Devon -- reminscent of the Dresden Dolls somehow. And while the topic is somewhat grisly, I love the little jazz riffs on keys interspersed with the driving rhythm. I'm gonna say you should write some more and see how your work may have grown.

1:47 AM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Fingerpainting in studded leather. I do believe I'd MAKE time for that.

I love this, dammit.

I'm also voting for a full length musical.

4:12 AM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

I totally agree with Devon and Eclectic, it makes me think of the Dresden Dolls, but also of show tunes. More like Sweeney Todd than Mama Mia, but definitely not what I had braced for!
More! More!

5:12 AM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Sweeney Todd came to my mind, too.

9:02 AM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

Hatchet: the musical


4:25 PM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

I give it my stamp of approval - Steven Sondheim, eat your heart out!

7:14 PM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger SierraBella said...

Reminds me of Beach Blanket Babylon.
You're a star.

8:26 PM, November 19, 2006  
Blogger hemlock said...

I'm with Devon, it totally sounds like the Dresden Dolls.

My favorite line? "I'm sorry mom and dad, can I get you a bandaid?" Very nice. Crazy, yet compassionate.

8:44 AM, November 20, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

I just want you to know that I woke up this morning with THIS song running through my head...humming it actually...what a catchy ditty, albeit a tad morbid.."you'd better mop up girl"

A full length musical--like the title "Hatchet"--you could have something here...

9:48 AM, November 20, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I'm hearing a bit of Cooper in that one and I used to enjoy the band by that name back in the day.

I'd brag on you more, but I know it'll be another hundred years before we hear another one, so nope, not one more peep from me.

7:49 PM, November 20, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

At the time this song was written (years before this recording - I would say probably in 1986 or so) I was actually listening to a LOT of Kate Bush. That's mostly what I hear in there (you know, a few octaves lower). I will definitely check out the Dresden Dolls - I looked them up on Wikipedia and they sound pretty interesting. I dig cabaret.

10:07 PM, November 20, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Oh, and I like "Hatchet - the Musical."

Or how about "Lizzie, Get Your Axe"?

10:08 PM, November 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Tom Waits would be proud of you. :)

1:24 PM, November 21, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

woke up singing the song again THIS morning--starting to scare me!!!!!

3:32 PM, November 21, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Effie, maybe it's your little who likes that song....

7:17 PM, November 21, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

Squirl--that's even scarier! ;)

10:35 AM, November 22, 2006  

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