the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Please speak cleeeeearly

It was my pleasure to bring bad dog Snickers to the vet's office for his annual round of shots last summer. And when I say "my pleasure" I mean, "God, I hope they call me soon 'cause he's bein' a big-ass whiny baby out here!" For a dog who's 65 pounds and can look mean when need be, he can whine like grannie's tea kettle when he's in an unfamiliar situation. The boy has issues. He could probably benefit from dog psychiatry.

Idiot that I am, I'd forgotten to change into jeans, and my black work pants were a magnet for all the fur that was flying off Snickers in his nervous state. By the time someone finally summoned us, the bottom half of me looked like a Muppet. We settled into the exam room; well, I settled and Snickers panted and paced and sent fur flying off his body in wave after wave.

I was fairly amazed at all the fur that was wafting around the room, and was just wondering how long until the dog was bald when the college-aged vet's assistant came in and approached Snickers in a friendly way. She asked me how Snickers was doing.

"He's okay," I answered casually, "but he's sheddin' all over the place!" I was halfway apologizing for the hair all over the room.

She got the strangest look on her face, took a little bit of a step back, and looked down at Snickers. "Does he have diarrhea?"

Huh? Where did that come from? "No," said I, puzzled.

She continued to give us both a look I couldn't place. "But he went in the house?"

Still puzzled: "Well, he does sometimes in protest, but not lately. . ."

And then it began to dawn on me. It was probably all about my bad enunciation. I started again: "No, I said he's SHED-DING all over the place. Shedding fur."

Yup, that's exactly what she'd thought, that I'd said He's shitting all over the place. You can't imagine the look of relief that washed over her face, and how she was suddenly willing to be close to Snickers again.

Things to remember: Don't drop your "g"s lest someone think your dog is a super-soaker of shit waiting to happen.

5 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

That is hysterical. I would be freaked out too if I thought a dog was going to splatter me with poo.

What type of dog is he? I am sure you have said that somewhere but Im asking anyway.

11:13 PM, February 20, 2005  
Anonymous dazed and confuzed said...

I really can't take a nice, healthy shed until after a couple cups of joe...

12:14 AM, February 21, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

He's a Boston ExcremenTerrier.

7:14 AM, February 21, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Good guess, Mr. B, and sometimes I think that's true!
When we got Snickers at the Humane Society, they had him listed as an Australian Shepherd. I'm sure he's not full blooded, because he's got a slightly different look and is taller than the average Aussie. But he's definitely got the herding instinct. He herds Jim and me all around the house and the yard.

He's tried to herd skunks before, too, but with less success.

7:53 AM, February 21, 2005  
Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Ahh I had a dog that was part lab part australian shep. she didnt get very big tho, black with speckles all over her face from the mixing. Really cute dog, she lives with my x now. She used to herd the cats off the couches.

4:33 PM, February 21, 2005  

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