the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, August 29, 2005

And now for something completely different

I have no bloody fuckin' idea what this means, but the idea for the following abstract hoo-ha just kinda shot outta me like a gerbil with a prior engagement. Observe my use of the words "swallow" and "bone" in the same sentence without any typed giggling. Chances are good that I'll look at this later and think, what a load of pretentious bullshit!
And why do I think it's a smart idea to post this kind of stuff when I know there's at least one therapist readin' this?
Apparently, my hippie free associationasstivity has frightened y'all off, and probably with good reason. Would it help you to know I dressed like a mime while I wrote this post, and repeatedly slapped myself for inspiration?

Yawn and yank
the lion's share of blankets,
Flick the ground glass from your
heavy-lidded eyes;
You can't watch your back
While you cover your tracks and you
tromped on the tripwires and
tattered intentions, too.
Say that fast, fucker, but walk slow.
Is it charity that shakes the magic 8-ball
Or do you swallow me whole when you throw me a bone?
Shrugs and thin-lipped smiles are all that can be juggled when
the valise throws off no mystery beyond the busted zipper,
just for show, half a brick in a sea of siding.
Did I catch you at a bad time? No? So when would be worse? Talk to you then.
Punched in the Munchos for the last time, I swear
on the freshness date
and the vacuum seal
and the way you can add bread and
you gotcherself a meal.
So who comes out on top when all's said and
done and the dishes are dry?
Told you never to ask while the sunrise still has its heels in the yard...
Didn't I?

patchwork bitch
Bitch has finally lost it.

34 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger eclectic said...

It isn't so much that I'm frightened... it's that I got stuck on the word "hoo-ha", that being the chosen term for "monkey" over in these parts. And so, I've been lost for words imagining abstract hoo-ha.

7:45 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Kranki said...


7:50 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Eclectic - I was sooo hopin' somebody would take hoo-ha that way! And don't you doubt I could make an abstract hoo-ha with the aid of a digital camera, a timer, and Photoshop.

7:51 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kranki - Ha! Should I have gotten you a beret?

7:51 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I like it. And not just for the packaging reference either.

Keep this up and we'll have to have a poetry corner.

8:17 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

Woman, I done gave up poetry analyzation when I quit teaching. Cold turkey. No patch.

This does remind me just a little of Souls at Zero.

8:30 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Mr. B - thanks! I'll supply the espresso (or Dr. Pepper for those who do not wish to drink heated lye).

Mrtl - The band Souls at Zero?

9:29 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Wow. I just have questions! Is this about now or is it about something old? It makes me want to say I love you, and wonder whose ass you want to kick.

10:10 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Susie, you may in fact have a better idea what this means than I do. Sometimes shit just pops into my head and says, "Write me down now."

10:12 PM, August 29, 2005  
Blogger Kassi Gilbert said...

Bucky you have a really long tongue. Just thought you should know...if ya didn't already.

12:44 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

Oh wow man... that was heavy... don't bogart that, man, pass it on over. And man, why do you need photo shop to make abstract hoo -ha when you've got these magic sugar cubes that'll do the same thing?

ya know, i don't remember a damn thing about the sixties... I MUSTA been there!

all kidding aside, it was actually quite good!

12:58 AM, August 30, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like someone woke your hoo-ha up on the wrong side of the bed.

1:09 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Jezz I was going to make some deep metaphysical comment but now I feel like I have to jump on the bandwagon.

Hi this is a pretty neat site you have, I have one too, its about buttplugs. We even carry the kind that blink, check me out!

5:52 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

It means that Jim should be very afraid. It also means that you're a song writer, but you probably knew that already. Some of these lines are begging to be sung.

7:00 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger ALRO said...

This is great .. I loved it..

I see a song in there somewhere !!

7:22 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kassi - I call it my tongue-and-a-half.

Bear - glad you liked. You musta had a sugar cube, too.

Sheryl - it's never a good idea to piss off my hoo-ha. It angers easily and grows teeth.

Jess - I had to remove NINE fucking spam comments this morning. NINE. Might have to turn on the word verification thing. But not until I get my sphincter around one of your marvelous blinking butt plugs!

Susie - do you think this could take its place alongside such classics as Mommy Makes Me Do My Hair This Way and King Jezebel?

Alshrim - thanks! And if you look really, really hard, you can see a nativity scene in there, too.

7:32 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Libraryhill said...


Long-time lurker here. Off the subject, I just wanted to say you've reached stardom. I just received an email from a friend (she has no idea what a blog is) which contained your audio clip titled "You people are just wrong" from back in May. Of course I responded with your website as the origin of that golden nugget. We just can't have people missing out on all the fun around here!

8:35 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, I know about punched Munchos.

8:42 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Wow--you're a poetess

8:45 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Libraryhill - no shit! I had to go back and listen to the post - I could remember the title, but not the content. Wow, I wonder how that thing made the rounds...

Squirl - you were the direct inspiration for that bit o' wordplay.

Effie - and I don't know it-ess?

8:53 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Aren't Munchos those yummy potato chip crispy salty things? LOVE those.

As for your hippie poetry...Did you say a mime was slappin' ya while you was a-writin' it?

10:13 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Whipped cream please and real milk fer me.

10:31 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

OK, I've gotten past the hoo-ha now (and it didn't even take me that long) and I've read the poem. WTF is a "muncho"?

11:49 AM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug - well, I was the mime, and I did slap myself repeatedly during the writing of this, um, thing.

Mr. B - in your Dr. Pepper?

Eclectic - I really like your blog, I just know you'd be fascinated by Munchos.

12:56 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Oh, you WERE talking about those yummy potato chip crispy salty things. I LOVE Munchos!

Also, I said this at Squirl's place, but it's worth repeating here:

I (heart) BFE Comment Spam.

2:11 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

Lady, you are truly insane. And I eat it right up.

2:18 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug - is that an invitation to rain down my own comment spam on your site?

Ern - you eat WHAT right up? Does your hubby know?

2:58 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Um, no, Bucky, that wasn't exactly what I meant. But I do love the way you work that Spam-diggity!

3:01 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger SierraBella said...

And the title is?

"No Joy In The Morning" or perhaps "Don't Be Pokin Me With That Thang On A Workday."

Or maybe I just don't understand poetry, so I'll *SNAP* *SNAP* along with von krankipantzen, and try to look cool, daddio!

3:13 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

No, crappy frappy, ya corner.

I do like Dr., but I like-a da coffee too.

4:10 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug - my level of evil here depends upon whether I can use HTML to make links in your comments...

Sierrabella - Oh, it's not like I understand this any better than you do. I really have no bloody idea what it means, except for "punched in the Munchos" which stems from something that happened to Squirl, and her Munchos, years ago.

Mr. B - alrighty, then, cawfee tawk it is. And I'll just leave the whipped cream at your table, sir.

4:43 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Schmootzie said...

It reads like a Wesley Willis song. Rest in Peace.

Are you a fan? Should be. If not, email me your address and I'll send you a CD. I don't mind burning you one. He's dead and no profits to be had.

Thanks for pissing in the cornflakes over on my site. Good stuff.


7:20 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

"You had me at Munchos."
::just got somethin' in my eye, that's all, sniff:::

7:53 PM, August 30, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Schmootz - I will email you. I hadn't heard of Wesley Willis, but now I'm intrigued...
And anytime you want piss in your cornflakes, just push the bowl over by me.

Momentarily distracted - it must be chip salt in your eye, you sentimental fool.

9:04 AM, August 31, 2005  

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