There are two kinds of people in the world
For my latest masthead, I decided to pay homage to my favorite movie in the whole world, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, my favorite character,Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez as portrayed by Eli Wallach, and my favorite Tuco line from the movie: "When you have to shoot? Shoot, don't talk."
For those who see this in the arrrrchives long after the masthead has changed with the seasons, here's what's up right now:
When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the devil bite your ass.
I can scarily quote more lines from this movie than I care to admit, except to You, the Internet as a Whole. I trust you with my secret Tuco fixation.
How many times have I sat through this nearly three-hour movie? Couldn't even say for sure. If I'm channel surfing, and it's on, I'll stop there, no matter how far into the story it is. I do this even though I own a DVD copy. The classic lines are so thick in this flick.
"One bastard goes in, another comes out."
"Don't die until later."
"There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting. "
"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig."
And as I've come to find out, there really are two kinds of people in the world: Those who read my blog, and those who are dirty bastards with crotch rot.
This whole post has been pretty pointless, so let me close out with a question: What are your favorite lines from Clint Eastwood westerns? Or from any movies, if that trips your hair trigger. Tell me about the lines from movies that you automatically say, day in and day out.
Let me know I'm not alone in my freakocity.
For those who see this in the arrrrchives long after the masthead has changed with the seasons, here's what's up right now:
When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the devil bite your ass.
I can scarily quote more lines from this movie than I care to admit, except to You, the Internet as a Whole. I trust you with my secret Tuco fixation.
How many times have I sat through this nearly three-hour movie? Couldn't even say for sure. If I'm channel surfing, and it's on, I'll stop there, no matter how far into the story it is. I do this even though I own a DVD copy. The classic lines are so thick in this flick.
"One bastard goes in, another comes out."
"Don't die until later."
"There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend: Those with a rope around the neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting. "
"You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns and those who dig. You dig."
And as I've come to find out, there really are two kinds of people in the world: Those who read my blog, and those who are dirty bastards with crotch rot.
This whole post has been pretty pointless, so let me close out with a question: What are your favorite lines from Clint Eastwood westerns? Or from any movies, if that trips your hair trigger. Tell me about the lines from movies that you automatically say, day in and day out.
Let me know I'm not alone in my freakocity.
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 10:28 PM
301 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
"Help help, Im being repressed"
"Im 40, im a chick in a rock and roll band, and its fucking cool"
"Well fuck you very much"
"Gee, I don't think I have any money to pay for this pizza, maybe we can work something out?"
"The Jesus will fuck you man, he will fuck you!"
"That rug pulled the whole room together man"
"Well you two are just dumber then a bag of hammers"
"I see'nt 'em first"
"No thanks Delmar, a third of a gopher would only rouse my hunger without bedding her back down"
"I am the devil, and I have been put here to do the devil's work"
"Get that bitch Leatherface, get that bitch, Dog will hunt"
"Groovy"
"Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck"
"I said, how would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison"
"Thats how I roll"
"Im in a glass case of emotion, wait wait, just let me say one more thing, AHHHRRGGGGHAAARRRRRHHHHHHHHH"
"Go fuck yourself San Deigo"
"It smells like bigfoots dick"
"You sit on a throne of lies, you smell like beef and cheese"
"Fuck me Santa, Fuck me Santa, fuckmesantafuckmesantafuckmesanta YES YES YES"
"Only 364 days til next halloween"
"Jack I can't do this by myself, I'm only an elected official"
"In fact kids, everything in here is eat-able. Even I am eat-able but that would be called canibalism and is frowned on by most cultures"
"Don't touch that squirells nuts! He'll go crazy!"
"Cuse me, can I go to the bathroom? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you"
"Hey baby is this guy boring you? I'm from another planet, wanna see my spaceship?"
"Come on baby, it's me, I just wanna eat your brains a little bit"
"No, you don't get to tell ME what to do anymore"
"This is my BOOMSTICK"
"Come on girls, lets get that bad monkey"
"Oh George, not the livestock"
"I'm gonna kill you rhino, I'm going on safari motherfucker, SAFARI ffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttt"
"It's a COCK, it's a great big COCK"
"You shot the invisible swordsman!"
"Heffe, would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?"
"He hates these cans! Everyone, get away from the oil cans!"
"Soon I should have more money to send home as my girlfriend says she is going to get me a blow job"
"They're here"
"Nobody steps on a church in my town!"
"Somebody saw a cockroach up on 12" "Must be a big cochroach" "Bite your head off man"
"I do not drink....wine"
"Oh god Jack, what the hell is that?" OOOOWWWWWWWUUUUUU OOOWWWUUUUUUU OOOWWUUUUUUU
"But have you ever seen it, ON WEED?"
"Hey man, I sucked dick for coke, thats an addiction man"
"This is Bob, Bob has bitch tits"
"I guess I just felt like destroying something beautiful"
"And to think this whole time, your just a little boy playing dress up crying for Mommy and Daddy, I'd laugh if it wasn't so pathetic, ahh what the hey, I'll laugh anyways HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA"
"This town needs an enema"
"Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light? I always ask that of all my prey, I just like the sound of it"
SOME one stole my idea. Huh!
But I don't think I saw the first line to Men in Black, so here goes:
"Goddamn bugs."
"When you hang a man, you better look at him!"
"Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!"
"Oh my god. It's Josey Wales!"
"Deserve's got nothin' to do with it."
"Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty."
"Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!"
"Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?"
"We were men. We wrestled."
"I fart in your general direction."
"..that certain, special, sumething.."
"Now don't that just take a load off."
"I live the life of the mind."
"Got better."
I'm pretty sure this post wins for most comments here, ever.
The only time mine was better was when I went away for a week. :-)
And I'm sure I'd have more quotes if I could just think.
Does this also qualify for most comments and fewest commenters?
I think you may be right, Squirl. A few of us who have seen too many movies.
"I musta drank me about twelve docta peppas."
"I gotta go peeeee"
"In the buttocks, sir"
"Me and Jenny was like peas and carrots"
"You keep using thet word. I do not theenk it means what you theenk it means."
"My name is H.I. McDonnough. My friends call me HI."
"There's right and there's right and never the t'wain shall meet"
Parole Board chairman: They've got a name for people like you H.I. That name is called "recidivism."
Parole Board member: Repeat offender!
Parole Board chairman: Not a pretty name, is it H.I.?
H.I.: No, sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me any more.
Parole Board chairman: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?
H.I.: No, sir, no way.
Parole Board member: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.
H.I.: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.
Parole Board chairman: Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?
H.I.: Yes, sir.
Parole Board chairman: Okay, then.
"I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got."
"You got a table and chairs, you gotta dinette set. You gotta table and no chairs, you got dick."
"Now, what's it gonna be young feller? You want I should freeze or get down on the ground? 'Cause if'n I freeze, I can't rightly drop. And if'n I drop, I'm gonna be in motion."
"Son, you got a panty on your head."
"He was the apple of our three eyes, Martha being a cyclops."
"I swear, George, if you existed, I'd divorce you."
"You like that? Huh? You like that?" (oh wait...do porn movies count?
"You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once... ONCE!"
"Why you miserable cork-sucker!"
"NEVER tell me the odds!"
"You fargin' icehole."
"This is fargin war!"
"Her womb was barren ground upon which mah seed could find no purchase."
Tommy Kelly: Mom, it's prohibition!
Ma Kelly: Oh, shut up! Stop acting like some fag choir boy!
"I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel: You lousy corksuckers. You have violated my farging rights. Dis somanumbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens like me could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin iceholes...like yourselves."
Yay--I'm not a dirty bastard with crotch rot; I read your blog....
"Don't mess with the babysitter!"
Holy hell, this is fun, Bucky!
(Well yeah, it's fun. But I also wanted to participate to make damn sure no one thought I was a "dirty bastard with crotch rot.")
"I shoulda listened to my mom. She said I should be a plastic surgeon. I could be up to my ears in tits and ass right now"
"You might want to take notes cause right here is a real live death scene going on"
"Drinking? We're getting shot at and all you can think of is drinking? here--gimme that."
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto"
"As you wish"
"to the pain"
"YOu may wanna try on those new shoes, right about now!"
"that was the end of the man who killed my fatha, raped and murdered my motha, burned my house, and stold my Bible"
"If there's one law of the west, it's that outlaws have brothers"
"No, Otto. Apes CAN read philosophy. They just don't understand it. Let me tell you something: Aristotle was not Belgian, the central message of Zen Buddhism is not 'every man for himself', and the London Underground is not a political movement. These are all mistakes. I should know, Otto. I looked them up."
"You're a hopeless romantic"
"Not hopeless--hopeful, hopeful..."
"And tomorrow is another day"
"He slimed me"
"not the car, not the car!!"
"You're the best time I ever had"
"I've never been anyone's best time before"
"I've found him--will you be a lucky bride!
He's handsome, he's tall--that is from side to side, but he's a nice man, a good match, right? Right! I've heard he has a temper, he'll beat you every night, but only when he's sober, so you're alright!"
"Look at them snappers, Ralphy.."
Oh! One more. One of my favorite children's movie quotes. And I'm guessing noone else will recognize it...
"Jimmy! You scared the bejeebers out of me!"
"Sorry 'bout your bejeebers, there, Mom."
"Rosebud"
"It's Peter-floppin'-flyin' Pa-an!"
"No disassemble!"
"Nos locos kick your butt, nos locos kick your face, nos locos kick your balls into outer space!"
"If you're lookin for a chunk of fat and juicy meat, come on look at Pumba he's the guy you'd like to eat-- are you achin' for some bacon, he's a big pig, you can be a big pig too--oy!"
I'm just eternally thankful that by reading your blog I've saved myself from a nasty case of crotch rot.
"You're lewd, crude and socially unacceptable."
"Sometimes being a high riding bitch is all a woman's got left to cling to."
"Sometimes an accident can be a woman's best friend."
"No, fucking me is not like fucking a mud puddle. You can stick it in SOFT in a mud puddle."
"What we have here is a failure to communicate."
"The way I see it you've got two choices; either get busy livin' or get busy dyin'."
"Face it girls, I'm OLDER and I've got more insurance."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ice down my balls and spit up blood."
"What separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom is our ability to accessorize."
"Smile, it increases your face value."
"You have been found guilty of extreme assholeness. Your punishment will now begin."
"I've got a turd on deck that'll choke a donkey."
"Everyone loves the smell of their own brew."
"... They're peopppppppppppppppleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!"
"It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose."
"I wouldn't shit you, you're my favorite turd."
"Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke pieca' shit Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?"
"MmmmHmm, I'll have me some o' them french fried pertaters."
"I lahk the way you talk, too."
"I can't talk right now, I'm having a friend for dinner."
"She puffed up, then the puff disappeared."
"Go, go gadget-cock, go!"
"Boy, you sure got a purty mouth."
"Squeal like a pig!"
Jesus ... only thing that would have gotten more comments than this was an unretouched assless chaps photo.
"I am only IN the History department. I am not THE History department."
"What is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk?"
"I gots to make water."
"Your wife is slim-hipped. My wife is Martha."
"Them syreens did this to Pete. They loved him up and turned him into a horny toad."
"I'm surprised at you, Pete, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar."
"Damn! We're in a tight spot!"
"I don't want Fop, goddamn it! I'm a Dapper Dan man!"
"Mrs. Hogwallop up and R-U-N-N-O-F-T."
"I was not hit by a train. Damnit, I am the paterfamilias!"
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. Delmar's been saved!"
"We don't rent pigs."
God, I love you people.
"They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say 'Shit, it's raining!'"
"Oh, he's so full of manure, that man! We could lay him in the dirt and grow another one just like him."
"If you could see my inside, or whatever you want to name it; my spirit, that's what I fear. I think I'm ruined. They kept trying to put me in the ground but I wasn't ready. But if I had... if I had goodness, I lost it. If I had anything tender in me, I shot it dead! How could I write to you after what I'd done? What I'd seen?"
"Number one - shut this door, it's freezing. Number two - shut that door, it's freezing. I'm laying on my back, with my fingers poked in my ears trying to shut out who's got a bag of diamonds and who's carrying a tray. If you want to get three feet up a bull's ass, listen to what sweethearts whisper to each other. Now, if you're going to wimble wimble all night, I'm going to sleep in with him."
"See, I think there's a plan. There's a design for each and every one of us. You look at nature. Bird flies somewhere, picks up a seed, shits the seed out, plant grows. Bird's got a job, shit's got a job, seed's got a job. And you've got a job."
"Just so you know - you're not eating inside. Number one: they hang people round here for taking in deserters. Number two: even if they gave out prizes you'd still eat outside."
"Smee, Smee, what about Smee? What about Smee--wait Smee's me!!"
Old Lodge Skins: Let's go back to the teepee and eat, my son. My new snake wife cooks dog very well.
Jack Crabb: All right,Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: She also has a very soft skin. The only trouble with snake women is they copulate with horses, which makes them strange to me. She say's she doesn't. That's why I call her "Doesn't Like Horses". But, of course, she's lying.
Best. Comments. Ever.
"I'm a Mog; part-man, part-dog. I'm my own best friend."
Jack Crabb: Grandfather, I have a white wife.
Old Lodge Skins: You do? That's interesting. Does she cook and does she work hard.
Jack Crabb: Yes, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: That surprises me. Does she show pleasant enthusiasm when you mount her?
Jack Crabb: Well sure, Grandfather.
Old Lodge Skins: That surprises me even more. I tried one of them once, but she didn't show any enthusiasm at all.
"Where do you have your hands?--Between two pillows.--Those aren't pillows!!!!"
Old Lodge Skins: Don't worry my son, you will be back with us, I dreamed it last night. I saw you with your wives
Jack Crabb: Wives, Grandfather?
Old Lodge Skins: Yes, there were three... or four, it was hard to tell. It was very dark in your teepee and they were under buffalo rugs as you crawled among them. Anyway, it was a great copulation.
"OOh you have such a big HELMET!"
"A stand-up philosopher? Oh, you'rea bullshit artist!"
"Hey the kind looks like the piss-boy."
"Every sperm is sacred."
[Grandfather, who has laid himself down to die, wakes up]
Grandfather: Am I still in this world?
Jack Crabb: Yes, Grandfather.
Grandfather: [groans] I was afraid of that. Well, sometimes the magic works, sometimes it does not.
"Misfire! Kill the son of a bitch."
"I guess you think I'm kicking you, Bob. But it ain't so."
"You can't hit the man until he's your husband, and he can hit you back."
"Now Ned, them whores are going to tell different lies than you. And when their lies ain't the same as your lies... Well, I ain't gonna hurt no woman. But I'm gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before... but bad. "
"For me, stealing's always been a lot like sex. Two people who want the same thing: they get in a room, they talk about it. They start to plan. It's kind of like flirting. It's kind of like... foreplay, 'cause the more they talk about it, the wetter they get. The only difference is, I can fuck someone I've just met. But to steal? I need to know someone like I know myself."
"The last time I had a pap smear, the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker."
"Is it the frank or the beans? -- I don't know, both I guess. Frank and Beans! Frank and Beans!!!"
"It's fuckin' dark in here!"
"What is that? Hair gel?"
"See, Violet, that's what I love about you. You're so fuckin' sensitive."
"And of course, with the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth - the critic."
"The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation - but I hear that that's coming quickly."
"Boo-boo Kitty Fuck"
"Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! Gangbang!!!"
"You're dangerously cute, Peanut."
"I'm a dead man, Johnnie? I'm a fucking dead man? Guess again, Johnnie. Who's the dead man? Who? Who's dead, fuckface? Who? Who? I can't hear you, Johnnie. Guess again. Take another guess, Johnnie. Take another fucking guess."
"Jimi Hendrix deceased, drugs. Janis Joplin deceased, alcohol. Mama Cass deceased, ham sandwich."
"But when you're an overweight child, in a society that demands perfection, your sense of right and wrong, fair and unfair will always be tragically skewed...[farts]--Did you just soil yourself?--Maybe."
"Oh that could gag a maggot! I smell like hot sick... ass in a dead carcass!"
"I like her because she sleeps above the covers. FOUR FEET above the covers"
"You complete me."
"My brother just paid a buck to see my panties"
"Lake! Big Lake!"
"Yo, Adrian"
"Nuthin in my noggin"
"All drains lead to the ocean, kid."
"Oh look! Something shiny!"
"First, we were like "whoa" and then you were like "whoa" and we were like "whoa."
"That was totally wicked!"
"Now *that's* a knife"
"It's a million little things..."
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