the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Unfocused, unzipped, and unlovely

Lest you think I'd hurt myself and keep it to myself in any kind of dignified fashion, I offer photographic proof that you'd be dreamin'. Even though I wasn't the one who went into the rose bush last weekend, I did manage to jam the bejeezus out of my left palm on a wayward set of box springs. And we weren't even cookin' up a Filipino Box Spring Hog.

This one isn't as bad as the bruise I gave myself in July, but I'm still a big enough baby to take pictures of it and post them on the Internet. You understand, don't you, that the Web is a good enough stage for a drama queen...

Yes, that's also the hand that took the Milk Bone shrapnel. I'm a fuckin' bloody, bruised mess. Maybe Susie's suggestion that I be mittened wasn't out of line, after all.

On a brighter and much geekier note, a curious package arrived in my office 'round 11 this morning (no, I don't mean the UPS comment there). I opened it to find this strangely compelling creature inside, waiting to call me "mommy" and be joined to my virtual teat.

Mac Powerbook. My first Mac. I'm a Mac virgin. Well, I've fooled around with one before, but never gone all the way. Catholic girls can split hairs better than anybody on that shit, so don't even challenge me. Now I will deal with Mac OSX, Windows XP, and various flavors of UNIX on a daily basis. Is it any wonder I'm always confused?

Just to make sure I love it enough, they sent along this charming yet hypnotic manual to walk me through OSX (I guess they call it "Tiger" 'cause an animal with the ability to tear your head off without breakin' a sweat is less threatening than the cold and clinical OSX).
Don't go into the light!

And that's the last coherent thoughts I shall attempt for tonight. Tip your waitstaff, drive carefully, and take the detour around the industrial jizz spill on Pierson Road. You'll thank me, and so will your Goodyears.

28 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Opera Gal said...

I made the switch a few weeks ago...dont be skirred.

10:08 PM, September 13, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

What's it like on the other side?

10:46 PM, September 13, 2005  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

You seem to be as graceful as I am. Are you sure we weren't, like, separated at birth or something?
I once fell for basically no reason, completely sober(*that* must have been the problem), on my side and had a bruise on my leg that kinda looked like a part of the male anatomy turned sideways...
TMI? Yeah, should have stopped earlier, but I knew you'd appreciate the story.
I've never used a Mac before. What's it like?

12:34 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

You need to go buy rolls of bubble wrap and just wear it all the time. Really you do. It would be a good look, trust me.

Mac huh?


Is that what your doing tonight? "reading the manual" huh...

Come on now, how did you REALLY hurt your hand?

1:17 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

Whoa. You're starting to sound like one of those battered women PSA's. "I used to tell people I fell in the rosebush, or dropped a boxspring on my hand, or accidentally broke a milk-bone."
God I am so non-PC after midnight.

1:37 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Ern said...

Welcome to the bright side!

Tiger is actually the third edition of OSX. First was Jaguar, then Panther, now Tiger.

1:50 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Amy said...

Wow, Macadamia. I'm impressed that you are just all open minded and up to all that. Good on ya, B.

9:15 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Hurting yourself again? Didn't we have a discusion about that? Nuff said.

That MAC looks gorgeous. You oughta call our uncle and swap MAC stories. He'd love it.

9:39 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Opera gal - I'm not too skirred, but it's a whole different animal. A tiger, I guess.

Torrie - you mean the Dark Side? Ummmm...ask me when my install of virtual pc isn't bein' a bitch. ;)

M_D - dry, flat, pavement and sober? That's how I broke a finger once.
And, uh, do you have pictures of the bruise?

Jess - I'm gonna trust your advice as my fashion advisor and go with the bubble wrap. But I'm getting the strangest looks at work today...
And the other thing, um, er, well, uh, I don't know what you mean.
*tiny wireless mouse pops unceremoniously from cavernous nether regions*
Hahaha, I don't know what THAT'S about. Nothin' to see here, nothin' to see here.

Plazajen - you know, for years I've bruised, cut, and battered myself, and Jim's always commented that people probably think he beats the shit out of me.
Not true, people. I'm sure he'd do a much more thorough job than just the bruised palm of my hand.

Ern - oh no! And me, allergic to cats!

Amy - yes, ma'am, I am now a Macadamia nut. As opposed to just a nut.

9:43 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Squirl - would that be the uncle in front of whom you called Ichabod as "Assfuck!"?
And the day I stop hurtin' myself is the day you should check me for a pod person.

9:45 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Or, you know, AN "assfuck!"

I are good at this English stuff, I are.

9:46 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

It's your fault that I used the word "jizz" in a conversation with my hubby--he looked at me funny and laughed...

Hey--that bruise is nothing compared to a few of the doozies i have right now....I'm a bonified (how do you spell that?) klutz!

10:05 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Effie - I'm just tryin' to expand everybody's vocabulary! Is that so wroooooong?

I think it's "bona fied" or "boner fied" if you wanna really be juvenile about it (and I do).

11:27 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

It's actually bona fide. It's Latin for "with good faith", authentic.

11:45 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Sooo..."boner fied" means an authentic stiffy?

11:45 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

as opposed to what? a squishy?

11:47 AM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Random and Odd said...

*tapping monitor* still love us non-mac people right?

1:04 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

Speaking of horrible personal injuries, I nearly lost my crown jewels Tuesday, playing floorball.

You'll forgive me for not posting any pictures of the injured area.

1:22 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

If you keep doing that to your hand, you'll go blind.

Is Mac really the dark side?

1:32 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Opera gal - can't be too careful of those fake stiffies.

Kristine - hey, I'm not givin' up my PC, so I'm still "one of you" - at least until the brainwashing is complete.

Ghost - UGH! Your poor danglies! I don't even have danglies, and I'm having phantom pain on your behalf. Ice pack, lots of ice pack.

Eclectic - why does everybody think I masturbate all the time? *takes hand discreetly out of pants*

2:00 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

brainwashing=budget drain

2:34 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Bucky-your comment on an authentic stiffy reminds me of a time on my honeymoon:
We went on an Alaskan cruise (yes, I know, I'm spoiled) and we went to one of those shows they have set up. There was a mini game show for couples celebrating their anniversaries and honeymoons. One of the questions of the couples was "How do you signal to your partner that you're in the mood?"
A really old couple was up there and the old man said "I just call over to her 'How's about a stiffy?'"
Well, my hubby and I thought that was absolutely hilarious that this 75 year old man would say something like that (his wife blushed furiously). Ever since then it's been a running joke between us--so funny!

3:03 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Mr. B - my brainwashing bill is pretty small. Not much material there.

Effie - I've read your comment about four times and I'm still gigglin' like a jerk here. If I'd seen that, my night would've been over, right then. No composure.

5:23 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Kranki said...


6:48 PM, September 14, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey...I'm a Mac virgin too. I received my "new-to-me" laptop today. I'm a bit nervous about opening the package...should I shave my legs first?

7:35 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

The people at the one-hour photo don't have a sense of humor. :o(

9:20 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Kranki - would it sully it in your mind to know I have virtual PC installed on there too? Does that sully it for you?

Mrs. Arjay - I wouldn't shave my legs for the Mac. It will only expect it every time thereafter.

M_D - the people at my one-hour photo just call me Ol' Clothespin Titties.

10:34 PM, September 14, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

I LOVE YOUR POWERBOOK! So cute. you have now crossed the threshold... you're an official Mac geek. Welcome.

i have an ibook but i lust after kam's powerbook daily. so sleek and purty.

4:41 AM, September 16, 2005  

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