the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Solid advice

Because I am so old, I feel it is my duty to impart some of my hard-earned wisdom to You, the Internet as a Whole. You may thank me with tributes of crab and cream soda.

  • Never drink a six-pack of Miller Lite and then chug the better part of a fifth of Kessler's. If you ignore my advice and do it anyway, don't be surprised if you vomit with the velocity of a chunky cheetah.

  • If you are on the toilet, do not let anyone deliver exceptionally good news until you are done. Jumping for joy mid-defecation can result in hard-to-explain stains on the tile.

  • Don't forget to bring a towel.
    Towelie rocks

    I don't care what anyone thinks - Towelie is the best South Park character EVER. He even edges out Mr. Hanky, very slightly. And could it be anything other than kismet that the first night I wear my shirt, South Park airs a Towelie episode I've never seen? I'm still feeling a little disturbed over their depiction of Oprah's talking vagina, though. Too much is said about Oprah sticking all her fingers in it, and really, it's more than I can stand.

  • If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits? (Puttin' on the riiiiiitz!)

  • When you insist on continually irritating cats with your camera, don't be surprised when you wake up covered in revenge hairballs.

  • Here's some advice I wrote in junior high school, and it may be a little old fashioned, but I think it still resonates: Never try to have sex with a cassette tape. You will be disappointed.

Okay, that may just be the lamest list I've ever posted. I'm sorry, I used all my witty ideas at dinner tonight with Squirl and Ichabod.

Whatever you do, don't think about Oprah's vagina.

24 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger eclectic said...

"Don't think about Oprah's vagina. Don't think about Oprah's vagina. Don't think about...."

Dammit Bucky.

12:27 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Candy said...

That episode was sorta fucked. But hey at least you had company watching it at your feet. Roo and Wobbles luv you.

I would write more, but your in the room sleeping right now and I think I will go taunt the dogs by dangling food over your head and see how long til they slob you.

1:21 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

I saw parts of that one. Gah!
Towel threw away a perfectly good-oh, yeah and the vagina thing was pretty bad, too.

1:30 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Thanks, don't think about Oprah's vagina - Aaaaagggghhhh!

We got home about 12:30 Michigan time, so, even with the construction, we made pretty good time.

1:43 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

You get kudos for the fact that 3 (yes, 3) people, whom I don't have a online relationship with, came up to me at work (I work at a niteclub now. yes, I work. who'd a thunkit?) and said something along the lines of "OMIGODSONGBUCKYANDJRABBITAREELOPING!!!"

plus a girl whom I AM friends with actually rang me from her woke phone to tell me the good news.

God, I take a 2 week break from the net and you steal my place in the pillows. And no, I am not replacing it with oprahs vagina. I'll just have to sleep with hermione when I come over there :)

4:08 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Deli mom said...

You may as well have said don't think about pink elephants because now Oprah's vagina is all anyone is going to think about.

4:11 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

It's worse than apple smelling shampoo! I so stopped reading after "where fashion sits." That song drives me nuts!! I'm going to hurl!

7:10 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...


don't think about Oprah's vagina...

apple smelling shampoo...

doggy slobber on Bucky's head...

8:49 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger said...

I think you need to change the name of your band from the pushed off pigs to oprah's vagina. You could do a tour of every 2 bit redneck bar and on the marquee out front it would say Tonight "Oprahs Vagina"

9:05 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

LOL -- I forgot whatever I was going to say as soon as I saw eclectic's comment! Hee hee!

Jeff's Place -- and on the first night they played, it would say "Opening Tonight, Oprah's Vagina"

Jess -- how long did it take the dogs to slob her? :)

9:42 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh, and Bucky -- thank you for giving me the inspiration and the power to torture Bloggy for the rest of the day.

9:46 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Am I correct in deducing that double bagger just called Oprah's va-jay-jay a pink elephant?

9:47 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Unknown said...

LadyBug -- That's what I got from that comment... ;)

10:50 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Phoebe Fay said...

What's that you say? Oprah's got angina? Oh that poor woman.

(Who says selective dyslexia is a bad thing?)

11:14 AM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

'Sha, imagine me watching that episode with my 12yo son, Schmancer. All is well until Minge starts talking. I just about shit my pants.

That was truly a strange parenting moment. I had to gently tell him that Minge really DOESN'T talk!

12:03 PM, April 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Towelie W/ OW Minge episode was on TV last night.

Wife says, "What is that? What is that? Is that a real word?"

I said, "Yes, it is. You've never heard that word?"

Wife says, "No. No it's not. That's not a real word."

Tonight: I'm planning on having her go to and search "Minge."


Thanks Bucky!

Mark W.

1:11 PM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

What about Oprah's apple-shampoo smelling vagina?

7:31 PM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

I'd never really thought about it, but I have to say, the cassette tape information really may come in handy some day.

11:09 PM, April 20, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm afraid after last night, I can think of nothing but Oprah's happy place. Damn, Damn, Damn.

11:57 PM, April 20, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

I heart that fucking shirt
I bet Oprah's vagina is really really ugly

10:50 AM, April 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, I got nothin', but you know y'all were begging for me to make an appearance. :)

10:50 AM, April 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shut up, Pissy, you HAB! I look DAMN good. I have STYLISTS, bitch!

10:52 AM, April 21, 2006  
Blogger limpy99 said...

I'm with Eclectic. Thanks for that image. I'm off to pour bleach in my eyes.

12:21 PM, April 21, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jess, you can taunt your dogs over me anytime. Slobber happens.

9:25 PM, April 21, 2006  

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