the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Mentally unstable but probably harmless

For quite some time now, ever since I jotted it down in a notebook months ago, I've wanted to share an idea with you that makes my television experience that much richer. What can I possibly do, I hear you asking, to make watching satellite TV even more rewarding than it already is? Could I even be proposing something more fun than infomercials galore at 4 in the morning?

Yes, I have the greatest idea in the history of watching television: Whenever someone uses the word diabetes, I automatically mentally substitute the word diarrhea. If you think that isn't fun, you haven't laid on the bed laughing until the tears flowed freely after that Patti LaBelle commercial for the diabetes testing strips airs. Or after BB King informs us he's had diabetes for 30 years. Wow! The 30-year diarrhea! That's gotta get old after a while, not to mention the stinging. His starfish must be done to a tender turn by now.

I wrote it down so long ago that every time I go to post about it, I start to doubt myself and think that perhaps I've already written about it. I've officially been blogging long enough to lose track of all the shit I've posted. Today I did a search of my archives for the word diarrhea, and if the search results are correct, I have not used that idea here before. However, I did come up with diarrhea mentioned in an alarming number of posts (I found 11), leading me to believe that perhaps I need to find some other phrase that's equally as descriptive as "bubblin' like Satan's diarrhea" and such. Also, a Google search for "diabetes" "diarrhea" "bucky" brings me up as the, ah, number two result.

However, a search for the word urine in my archives yields 33 posts. Hmmmm. Let's see about vomit...30 for vomit, 19 for puke.

God, my need for therapy is pretty obvious, isn't it? Maybe I need to explore something new, like earwax. Or maybe I just need to shut the fuck up. I'll get back to you on that.

18 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Portia said...

Perhaps I should send you some of those Harry Potter Jelly Bellies..... Hmmmm....

12:54 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Karin said...

My grandpa used to call it the trots wich when you watched him having a spell that is exactly what he did. I suggest not changing your posting any just expanding the terminology. For instance diarhea can be the trots, squirties, juicy fruits, the splatters, ass explosions, or colon malfunctions. I then suggest that other readers pick a frequently used word and offer their alternatives.

1:15 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

If we can't run to you for diarrhea, really, who can we run to? Besides the toilet, of course, which is really where that stuff belongs, butt...

2:07 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

We always called it Hershey Squirts.

7:04 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

I vote for 'finger butter' or 'toe jam' for your next posts.

I just don't want to picture Willford Brimley talking about how you should test to see if you have diarrhea....

9:15 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger AlRo said...

Right... and during a canestan commercial - substitute the word 'FRESH' for 'HORNY'.

Or an Aspirin or Advil commercial - substitute Pain or Headache with, "Limp-Penis" .. or something...


One of the drinking games I used to do - this was 10 to 15 years ago.. when i was a young whipper-snapper... and I ... *ahem - anyways*

We'd put a star trek: Next Gen episode on - and use idiosyncracies as a reason to drink...

If Picard pulled his shirt down: Drink.

If Riker looked at the camera or fellow shipmate with that stupid right-sided cocked head of his: Drink

IF Data's fingers are whipping across a console a million miles a minute: Drink

IF Crusher pulled her smock tightly around her: Drink

If Troi talks about FEELINGS: Drink

Worf barks something about violents ("We MUST ATTACK" - when you know attacking is the dumbest thing to do): DRINK.

OR wesley crusher gives you a stupid grin -or uses a Shatner pause, with his lips pursed to say something - but it's as if he has temporary verbal constipation: DRINK DRINK DRINK..

Ok i think i've openned up the door to my world a little too widely!

9:33 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger AlRo said...

ack!! Man i can't spell lately!

Violents!!
Violence... JESUS Al - get an aducation!!

err..

EDUCATION!

9:34 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I didn't know that shutting up was an option -- I gotta tell you... that would totally bring down the entertainment value of this blog, though... I'd hate for that to happen.

9:39 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger hemlock said...

That's some funny shit. Oh wait...

I'll give that a try next time I'm around some TV!

I love Alro's suggestions.

10:10 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger limpy99 said...

How many times did you use "monkey"?

11:18 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

that would bring new meaning to Star Trek, Next Gen. but now it has to be updated to say, StarGate SG1 or Atlantis...that would be fun!

11:38 AM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger WILLIAM said...

I will never watch those commercials the same way again.

2:57 PM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Dixie said...

You are no more unstable than the rest of us. At least you're in good company!

4:24 PM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger AlRo said...

Effie: I hear ya - but in Next Gen, they had so many personal idiosyncracies that were apparent in EVERY SHOW.. and i just don't remember there being that many in SG1, or Atlantis...

5:18 PM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

It warms my heart, the way you guys respond to diarrhea!

5:19 PM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, we ALL respond to diarrhea. It demands immediate response, if you ask me.

8:37 PM, July 31, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Bucky, we ALL respond to diarrhea. It demands immediate response, if you ask me.

8:37 PM, July 31, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I truly believe that we have reached the point where technology has become one with our society, and I can say with 99% certainty that we have passed the point of no return in our relationship with technology.

I don't mean this in a bad way, of course! Ethical concerns aside... I just hope that as memory gets less expensive, the possibility of copying our brains onto a digital medium becomes a true reality. It's one of the things I really wish I could see in my lifetime.

(Submitted by BPost for R4i Nintendo DS.)

5:12 AM, February 10, 2010  

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