the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Why meeeeeeee?

Do you see this face?

Eleven is ready for her closeup

This is Eleven, AKA Coon Baby (because she likes to drop food and toys in the water dish), AKA Truck Driver (because she just is).

Isn't she adorable?

When I was here visiting in summer of 2005, she peed in my lap because she sensed I was getting in between her and her mommy. But we've since gotten past that, and she is now my little buddy, a wee pal with a 'tude who will nonetheless usually come when I call her, jump up in my lap, and dance the dance of the flesh tearing. I love this little girl.

Saturday, as I was preparing to leave, I stacked everything I wanted to put in the car out by the back door to facilitate the loading of the Cruiser. It was for perhaps ten minutes that I left my goods unattended. When I began gathering an armload to take outside, I realized that there was some, ah, moisture that I had not put there.

Eleven, in registering her displeasure at my departure, peed in my purse. Not just on my purse - in my purse. Luckily, she missed my iPod and my cell phone, but let's just say there will be gum and tissues that need replacing. I have already replaced the purse because, well, I like to be noticed, but not because I smell like cat urine.

It's apparent to me that the cats are conspiring to punish me for being away for a couple of days. I mentioned in my last post that Friday and Thirteen had torn my room up pretty badly in my absence. Last night, Thirteen was happy to greet me, but Friday was a little stand-offish, displaying a "Fuck you, mommy!" attitude as only a gay little tuxedo kitty can. Well, this morning, Friday woke me up about 8:30 with loud purring right in my face and a bit of shoulder dancing. I hugged him and gave him some pets and kisses, and then he settled in against my shoulder and cheek. Then I smelled it.

Upon further investigation, it turns out Friday had poop stuck to the end of his tail. Isn't that a wonderful way to greet mommy first thing in the morning? I took him in the bathroom and washed it out - luckily, not too awful a task with a short-haired cat. Returning to bed, I figured that would be the low point of my day, and thought no more about it.

Ha!

This evening, I saw Thirteen shoot out of the cat box like he had a rocket up his ass. I noticed he left a little present on the floor behind him, so I cleaned that up. Then he jumped up in my lap, and I realized that...Thirteen had poop stuck to his tail. Aw, fuck! I hustled him into the bathroom and attempted to wipe it off with wet paper towels, but the task was not so easy in his long fur. I decided to run some warm water and rinse his tail. He was okay when I picked him up, but as soon as I turned him around and he could tell he was heading for that running water, he freaked out completely, went a little berserk, sliced up my wrist and the heel of my hand, and sunk a claw right into my neck.

Being the ladylike and reserved little debutante that I am, I believe I uttered something modest like, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

I finished the laborious task with paper towels, and lots of antibacterial soap on my wounds.

Never again will I think smugly to myself, "Well, my day can't get any worse that this."

The part that really frightens me is that the day isn't over yet.

Addendum: I wonder if this recent gift from Jess would explain the things in this post. Hmmmm...



Catt Butt Gum

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Squirl said...

Or should this post be titled it why meow? This is why you never had children, right?

Hope your day is getting better.

7:55 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

That cat is destined to be in the next Disney flick. Move over, Benji!

8:14 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

GAAAH!
:o\

8:28 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

It's a feline conspiracy...I've learned NEVER to leave an open suitcase unattended around cats. Sophie, now gone 6 years, love of my life, my little black-and-white tuxedo soulmate, ALWAYS tried to pee in my open suitcase. Yes, she succeeded...once.

- Lotus Lynn

(Yes, I finally got a blog but don't know what to do with it...)

8:57 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger Schmootzie said...

I'll be in Chicago for extendo-Xmas stay...

Wanna get beers?

Schmootz.

11:14 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

That cat scares me. She looks like Tracy Morgan. He doesn't scare me. But she does.

11:29 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Bucky, you are not yet a cat person if you believe you can put water on a cat and the cat not freak out or become homicidal. Alex taught me that when he was a kitten.
Heavens to Murgatroid! That picture of Eleven reminds me of the TV cartoon lion (still a cat, right?) Snagglepuss.

11:44 PM, November 28, 2006  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

How cute are her little lips?!

7:48 AM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Ahhhh... allow me to say one more time how happy I am that I do NOT have cats in the house.

9:00 AM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger hemlock said...

Every couple months or so we find little turds around our apartment and ask ourselves:

"Are our cats seriously pissed with us or is it simply a case of poop holding on a little too long?"

We still don't know the answer.

Hopefully your mortal neck wound is feeling better now.

9:21 AM, November 29, 2006  
Anonymous Anna said...

My cat makes a similar face, we tend to call it his Fraggle face. He does it mostly when he's overheated from cuddling and stoned on the warmth. So I guess what I'm saying is it looks like Eleven had some good lap.

11:28 AM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger Dixie said...

Sorry but, BWAAAHAAAAHAAAAAA!

3:04 PM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

I think Eleven's just pissy because you won't take her to have that chin waxed. She's humiliated by her beard.

5:22 PM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger Lynn said...

I uh, er... ummm... heh, nice kitty?

7:35 PM, November 29, 2006  
Blogger Balulah said...

OMG, I can't stop laughing. It's only fair that everyone suffers the wrath of kittens at least once. Everyone thinks the little furballs are so damn cute and cuddly. I SWEAR kittens sit in the box smiling and purring, doing no harm while you take your pick, then once you're hooked, it's all over. They quickly become Cirque du Soleil acrobats screaming SUCKER as they glide down your curtains by their cute little claws!

Eleven reminds me of Scar from Lion King. I would give her whatever she wants, or it's over the edge of a cliff during a stampede for you!

2:16 PM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

That picture is amazing. And they warn us not to anthropomorphize.

"sunk a claw right into my neck" -- some call that love.

4:12 PM, November 30, 2006  
Blogger Dori Lenine said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....!

Too funny! Please forgive me as well...

12:33 AM, December 01, 2006  

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