the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, January 05, 2009

Lazy Bucky's quickies (New Year edition)

Oh, hell, is it that time already? Time to flip over the calendar, time to flip that underwear, time to clean the litterbox? Yup, it does seem to be a new year already. Guess I'd better write something before my blog is condemned for lack of occupancy.

  • I've become a little too involved in what the Real Housewives are doing, whether they be in Orange County, New York, or Atlanta. Please, Bravo, do not leave any lag time in between installments; it makes me feel wonderful, as I sit with my generic ginger ale, my no-name chips, and my decidedly un-pedigreed felines, to observe the spectacularly fucked-up lives of vapid women with more money than brain cells. My dream is to one day witness a bare-knuckled boxing match between Vicki from Orange County and Ramona from New York. It might not compare to the random delight of seeing Vicki take a football to the back of the head at Lake Havasu, but it would still call for popcorn, a comfy chair, and the phone off the hook.

  • Stella was such a tiny, skinny li'l thang when she wandered up onto my porch last summer, looking for food and love and food. Well, lemme tell ya, the girl does not miss a meal around here; I couldn't even begin to locate her ribs anymore. She also feels the need to comment on anything and everything, earning her a theme song of her very own, Kitty With a Lot to Say. Also, following in the litter-dusted footsteps of King Eeyore Bubbies Flippytail, Lord Thirteen Sarsparilla Puffington, Esq., and Duke Friday Aloysius Ptang Ptang Olay Biscuit Barrel Tuxbury, Stella has now earned a royal title: Marchesa Stella Barbarella Foofinella Rotunda.

    Disapproving Stella
    Disapproval with every glance, at no extra charge!

  • I've reached the stage in life where I've put up the Cap'n Crunch and replaced it with Raisin Bran. My need for fiber has finally outweighed my sweet tooth. Now, if everyone would please whip out the kazoos and play a lively rendition of Taps in memory of my youthful colon...

  • Speaking of Taps and asses, it's been about a year since I've tapped anything, ass-wise. All work and no foreplay makes Bucky a cranky bitch. Now taking applications for sluts with low standards. No high-maintenance princesses need apply, but if you've got lots of cash, that'll put your application right at the top of the pile. And by "pile" I mean empty inbox.

  • The Monitor and the Merry Mac: The monitor on my Mac has officially gone belly up. Its glorious 19 inches will stay alit for an average of five seconds at a time, which kinda puts a damper on any music projects I might be attempting to begin or complete. On the one hand, I could probably replace it for a little over $100; on the other hand, I could use that same $100 to keep the heat on in my house. It's a tough call, but ultimately, keeping the heat on will save me money in replacing burst water pipes and nipple-torn blouses.

  • Friday's bullying of the other cats has of late elevated him to the status of Evil Gay Boy. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's been emulating Dr. Smith from Lost in Space.

11 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

My cat Simon has a theme song too. It's called, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"

2:26 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

What IS IT with the tuxies and the bullying??

("Foofinella!" Love it!)

2:55 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger Squirl said...

I'm glad you posted about Stella's name. That picture is great, too. Hope you can get one where she's squished into the chaise.

Laughed at the Monitor and the Merry Mac, too. :-)

7:29 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger chia said...

Gizmo approves that picture ;-). Happy New Year!

8:50 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger Opera Gal said...

Mr B - did you really just post your pet's name on teh Interweb?


My kitty has a theme song too - "Tennis Ball Head" sung to the tune of Little Drummer Boy.

BFE, are you sure there aren't any lipstick bars in GR? Check the pink book, or maybe you should go to Saugatuck when my friend Amy is singing - she will introduce you to someone very nice, I'm sure. Or very easy. She's good that way.

9:18 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger Deodand said...

I feel your pain cereal-wise - I've graduated to a type that has an amazing 10g of fibre per serving. It would cause anyone under the age of 25 to explode.

10:22 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Mr. B - I would never dare to sing something like that to my cats. They all have their claws, and a keen sense of revenge.

HTGT - My brother has a grey, Wobbles-like cat who's also a bully, but he's as gay as Friday. Maybe it's a Tuxie or Gay Cat thing. Since Friday happens to be both, he's doubly bully-ish.

Squirl - I'll be watching the chaise with my camera handy.

Chia - tell Gizmo that Friday and Stella think he's very handsome.

Opera Gal - oh, I'm pretty sure there are lipstick bars in GR, and one in Muskegon, too. But that would require effort and money on my part, and so far, it just hasn't seemed worth it!

Deodand - my colon bows to yours in recognition.

10:44 PM, January 05, 2009  
Blogger Kranki said...

Stella is very pretty and has lovely fluffy pantaloons.

Now while Dexter doesn't have an official song if he did it would likely revolve around his horrific fart odours and his alarming lack of personal boundaries. Also that is is not very smart.

When he talks back he often says 'No!' in complete appropriate context.

I love him.

4:26 AM, January 06, 2009  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

As a former member of Cap'n Crunch's fleet, I can offer my sympathy and support for the cereal switcheroo.

Since diabetes entered my frame in '02, I've switched over to Honey Nut Cheerios.

I feel so much better about myself.

Now if someone would kindly kill me...

9:17 AM, January 06, 2009  
Blogger Spilling Ink said...

Bucky, my colon is about the same age as yours, which reminds me of an old, a very old (gawd, we're getting old), SNL skit. I think it might have been back in Gilda Radner's days, but it was about a fiber rich cereal called Colon Blast. That was some funny shit.

4:28 AM, January 08, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Buy the monitor. I am all in favor of nipple torn blouses!

And Colon Blast was Phil Hartman!

10:33 PM, February 23, 2009  

Post a Comment

<< Home