the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Monkeys on the soles of her shoes

Monkeys are a girl's best friend.

Most days, the contents of my mailbox bring me no joy. Everybody wants my money, for something they're selling or something I've already bought. Vampires! The way I see it, if you're gonna suck out all my blood, at least start at my thigh. Let's make it interesting for me, too.

But yesterday was different. Could I have known it as I approached the mailbox? Did my monkey sense tingle, tell me that something was different? I must confess, the monkey slept as I grabbed my mail, but woke right up and swung from the chandelier when I saw a mysterious package from one Susie Fairchild. My fingers trembled as I ripped open the envelope, and my delight levels shot through the roof when I realized that she had bestowed upon me a bundle of socks. And not just any socks - monkey socks.

Look at the one on the left. How did Susie know I'm dressin' up like Jerry Lewis on Halloween?


My socks have monkey heads on them. Monkey. Head. Huh huh huh huh huh.....

Feather soft. Who knew that monkeys had feathers?

Because I am so pure, virginal, and innocent, I have no idea what Susie meant in her enclosed note, where she wrote, "p.s. - these go on your FEET. If I see or hear you wore them anywhere else..."

Just what are you implying here, Susie? That I would put them on my alleged schlong?

Well, dirty implications notwithstanding, I'd like to extend a hearty thanks to Susie for makin' me grin like it's Christmas morning and there's a real monkey under the tree.

37 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Happy New Monkey Socks, Bucky!!

9:08 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Oh wow, Bucky, your monkey looks so soft!

(What? That was a perfectly innocent, virginal statement right there. Anyone who thinks otherwise has a filthy, filthy mind!)

9:36 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

Yay! I'm happy you're happy, and your title, of course, made me have to start singing IMMEDIATELY: Sha na na na na Sha na na na-ah na . . . which I shall continue to do ALL day.

Monkeys on the soles of her shoes
Well, that's one way to lose these walkin' blues, with monkeys on the soles of your shoes.

9:38 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

This monkey fetish is getting waaay outta hand :).

Can I pet your monkeys?

9:45 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

CKelli - thank you! I am happy with the monkeys, and hopefully, they are happy with me.

LadyBug - yes, who are these sickos with the dirty minds here? My monkey is soft, yet not so fresh...

Susie - ha! I always loved that song, especially the line "She makes the sign of the teaspoon/he makes the sign of the wave" I don't know why, but I've always been crazy for those lyrics.

Kittay - touch my monkey.

9:49 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

BFE - you do know that you have been voted over at Scotty Hotpants blog as the front-runner recipient of the "my monkey wants a banana" ltd. edition (suitable for framing) lithograph?

9:53 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Muh-muh-muh-Monkey on your feet, feet, feet, feet.

-Bloggy's impression of Robert Plant

10:13 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger hemlock said...

Nice....monkey "alleged shclong" warmers!!!

A girl could only be so lucky.

10:27 AM, October 26, 2005  
Anonymous minxlj said...

What is it about monkeys? They're just so damn cute! I have a pig fetish myself - socks with pigs on, pig clock, pig slippers, pig kitchen hoover, I'm addicted!!!!!

10:32 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Such pretty, yeah...

10:45 AM, October 26, 2005  
Anonymous shhh Don't tell Circus Kelli.... said...

Oh ~whispering~ on Saturday it's someone's birthday--someone who lives in a Big Top with Little Clowns and considers her life a Circus.....just saying....she'll be 37....

10:46 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Kassi said...

Yay for monkey socks! I personally possess two pairs of monkey socks. I will need to procure more so that I can keep up with you. I prefer the soft monkeys myself.

10:58 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Opera gal - oh, man, I don't know if I can take the intense pressure. Do I need to write an acceptance speech?

Mr. B - did you see the email war your little comment started? That's what happens when you mix monkeys with British rock royalty.

LeafGirl - hey, what else WOULD you warm in a monkey?

Minxlj - not to mention that snappy little rubber duckie you have over on Flickr...

Effie - I groomed my monkey before I brought it out in public, you know.
(and I actually spelled it right this time, unlike when I typed "pubic" over at Circus Kelli's place)

sssssh, don't tell CK - it's okay, your secret is safe with me. And the dozen other people who read this. Who's bringin' the cake?

Kassi - if the monkey isn't soft, who would touch the monkey? The monkey must be touched.

11:12 AM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger whfropera said...

I'm not sure about the accptance speech but I think Scotty HP is looking for a new stalker...apparently he is taking apps.

12:18 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Bucky, you should post the war as a follow-up post.

12:36 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

I just bought sock monkey slippers for myself at Target! (and sent a pair to Amanda B. for a picker-upper post-hurricane!) Because I also adhere to this principle of gift giving: if I buy someone a present? I get one, too! That's Monkey Logic, baby! You win most monkey socks, though.

12:45 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Kitty said...

Poly-fiber blend monkey cock cozies.

*Warm fuzzy ensues*

12:48 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Opera gal - a new stalker, huh? Has the position been filled, or is he still interviewing applicants? Rowr!

Mr. B - hey, looks like you just gave your permission. Prepare to be used.
But I hear you like that.

Plaza Jen - oh, man, don't even get me goin' on the sock monkeys. Seriously. I revert to childhood sooooo easily when there are sock monkeys involved.

Kittay - warm fuzzy cock? Boo-ya!

2:11 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Monkeys on your feet? I guess that's better than getting one out of your back.

2:22 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Much easier to remove, Squirl. No surgery needed.

2:24 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

Yeah, you just stand up--no more crouching here....

2:39 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Use away. We'll see what the Monkey Zep Heads can add to it.

4:13 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger spoonleg said...

Wait, did I miss something? You have an alleged schlong? When can we see pictures?!

4:47 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

I love my monkey (if I understand correctly what a monkey is, that is)

5:53 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

You lucky monkey momma.

8:27 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

But you only have two feet -- what will you do with all the extra monkey?

8:56 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Effie - I prefer to save my crouching for...well, best I don't spell it out.

Mr. B - heh heh I'm prepping visuals to go with the lovely words.

Spoonie - there may be alleged pictures of the alleged schlong. Let me dig in the alleged archives and see what I can do for you...

Annejelynn - it's important for a woman to love her monkey. How can anyone love your monkey if you don't love it first?

8:57 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Kranki - I am truly monkey blessed.

Eclectic - I guess I'll have to either do intense monkey rotation (????) or break Susie's rules and wear them, uh, elsewhere.
No, I don't think I wanna incur the Wrath of Susie.

9:00 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

No, no, no.... your "alleged schlong"? You only have two feet.... NOW you with me?

9:25 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Eclectic - it never occurred to me that a monkey would fit perfectly over an alleged schlong.

Thank you for your guidance in these sensitive matters.

9:42 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

You said monkey.
Heh heh heh
A filthy mind is better than none at all.
:::goes off to order assless chaps online:::

9:48 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

M_D - you'll find a stunning array of chaps online.
I wonder if they make paisley chaps.

9:52 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

You're doing visuals? GAWD I'm such a slacker!

*hangs head*

10:25 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

**sigh** Richard Prior, circa mid-70s... Man threatens to go out and find some new monkey; woman rejoins with pointing out that he'd find new monkey right at home if he had two more inches of schlong.

**heavier sigh** I'm off to perfect my "brooding, misunderstood" character now.

11:18 PM, October 26, 2005  
Blogger mrtl said...

Wow - and she sent enough for Jim and Snickers to share the joy! How sweet of her!

1:49 AM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

And I could say ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo and everybody'd know what I was talking about/ I mean everybody'd know exactly what I was talking about/ talkin' bout Monkeys on the soles of her shoes

A little salute to Paul Simon, just for kicks.

10:03 PM, October 27, 2005  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I have a mental image of those socks being worn elsewhere than on your feet.

I admit the picture is incomplete.

12:10 AM, October 28, 2005  

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