Back to our regularly scheduled absurdity

You knew it had to happen sooner or later. I know I have stayed awake too late on many a night, wondering just when the tchotchkes would begin to organize, to think independently, to assert their individuality as mass-produced plastic figurines. What's more frightening than the thought of your Star Wars Pez dispensers looming over you as you sleep, silently demanding their rights?

Well, I will concede that an incontinent baboon hangin' his ass over your face as you sleep might be slightly more terrifying, but work with me here, people.

I happened to be witness to an awe-inspiring display of solidarity today, as my Homies figurines decided that they'd had enough, and organized. Their purpose? The Million Miniatures March.



Of course, even among a group with a common goal, there will always be some minor disagreement and bickering amongst the participants.


Bitchiness breaks out when the Grim Reapers realize they've both worn exactly the same outfit.



The zoot suit pimp probably needs to stop checkin' out the doctor lady's ass, lest she give him some unwanted stitches.



And while the bitch with the rolling pin is quite welcome, who the fuck invited the mariachis?


You had to know the cheerleader couldn't keep her legs shut for an entire march. Is anyone surprised? I didn't think so.


Uh oh. You think the little guys dicked around too long before the march started? I don't remember the big guys bein' invited to this.


Oh, for the love of Raggedy Ann, did no one see the Gumby brutality coming?


Space Gumby either has no patience for festive Mexican music, or he's decided to make the diminutive mariachi his bitch. It could all be a ploy to make Space Pokey jealous, too.



Earthbound Gumby has taken a shine to the slutty cheerleader. I have a feeling her ability to do the splits will really come in handy here.



In the end, it's all carnage. The Gumby Gang does not tolerate the ambitions and aspirations of smaller tchotchkes. They're brutal motherfuckers like that.