the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, October 17, 2005

But sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need

Memes beat the fuck out of mimes (those silent bastards). This meme, stolen from Susie and Opera gal, requires a Google search for [my first name] needs. It turns out that my needs are both simpler and more complex than I had anticipated. Like Susie, I felt the need to add some commentary to my litany of needs:
  • Katy needs to understand that her outlook could negatively affect the performance of her department. (my department needs to understand that my pants are down so that everyone can have a turn kissing my ass)
  • Katy needs checkups less frequently. (and my overworked vagina thanks you for this)
  • Katy needs to bar the door (hey, it's how I got my name)
  • Katy needs fish money (is that money for fish or money from fish? and how do you threaten a fish? "Pay me back tomorrow, or you'll be sleeping with the humans"?)
  • Katy needs to know (unless it involves ugly naked people, then Katy needs to remain ignorant)
  • Katy needs to get home, and get home soon. (or else these pants won't be worth savin', if you catch my drift)
  • Katy needs Help (here is a classic example of overstating the obvious)
  • Katy needs to eat some sweets (I do have a jones for some Sugar Babies)
  • Katy needs a couple of tires (to go with the spare tire from eating all the sweets)
  • Katy needs to be with someone who has LOTS of time to devote to her. (because all this hair doesn't come off my back by itself)
  • Katy needs to butch it up a little. (yes, because I'm not called "sir" nearly often enough)
  • Katy needs rescue to get out alive (and that's just the bathroom stall)
  • Katy needs a skatepark. (so I can really hurt myself)
  • Katy needs to stop going to so many anime conventions.
    mangacartoon me (point taken)
  • Katy needs a little of that juice too (oh, I'm sure they didn't mean JIZZ)
  • Katy needs a hug! (to be followed by a little of that juice)
  • Katy needs extensive orthodontia (see earlier item about needing sweets)
  • Katy needs to run errands, a lot of them. (pick up Sugar Babies, gallon of Jizz-Be-Gone, boxer shorts for my butched-up ass)
  • Katy needs to lose 100 lbs (yeah, just ask Nilbo, who is in SO MUCH TROUBLE right now)
  • Katy needs a home with a pool or access to water as she has Hip Dysplasia. (because I need to lose 100 lbs)
  • Katy needs to learn how to spell simple words like "interested". Stupid girl. (I'm not even innarested in anything these people have to say)
  • Katy needs a crash helmet. (that's not a surprise to anyone, is it?)
  • Katy needs to make her grand entrance today (in my best chaps and tiara)
  • Katy needs you to pimp her ride!! (because, lord knows, a purple PT Cruiser certainly isn't pimpy enough already)
  • Katy needs to get her little butt a HIGHBALLER this year. (first - "little" butt? Oh, how charitable! second - ummmm...could the anal sex joke be hangin' any lower on the tree for pluckin' purposes?)

23 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Susie said...

YAY! Best needs list yet! Butch it up a little, put on your crash helmet and head out to the skatepark, so you can start on those 100 pounds!

8:39 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Susie - the most innaresting part (aside from my bolding problems that WOULD NOT FIX)was that my needs are startlingly similar to the needs of Katy, Texas. We both need a skatepark.

8:44 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger LadyBug said...

Wow, I had THREE posts to catch up on! How did that happen? I loved the post about you cleaning out your home office, and reminiscing about the concerts. And I really need to try that morphing thing. It looks like so much fun.

So does this one! I believe I'll go Google my needs now (ROWR).

9:44 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

hehe "stupid girl"

9:52 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Too many needs to comment on. So many needs, so little time.

This one was a good 'un

9:53 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Katy needs a lil Nilbo lovin' ... to make it all good between us.

I feel really badly about implying you weighed 190 lbs. I'm so sorry. You must understand, I'm Canadian. We work in metric. So I meant kilos.

There, all better?

10:47 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

As Bucky's parole officer, I must insist we avoid using the word "kilos" around her. Thank you for your cooperation.

11:14 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

My ten first hits on Google:

1) Jon needs to raise about $10000 American dollars in financial backing.
Or, as Homer Simpson said it: "If we had ten thousand dollars, we'd be millionaires".

2) Jon needs a new name.
And a new passport, so he can run away after stealing those 10 grand.

3) Jon needs to change his classroom management practices so he can focus on providing the excellent instruction every student deserves.
How did Google know I don't give a fuck about my pupils? Spooky!

4) Jon needs help.
And how.

5)When Jon needs a consequence for misbehavior, time outs usually work well.
Since we're not allowed to slap seven kinds of snot outta the little fuckers, it's damn well all I have!

6) For a ‘simple’ equatorial sundial Jon needs... be way more knowledgeable about practical things than he is at the moment. I got a D in carpentry, for fuck's sake (it's a compulsory subject in Norwegian schools!)

7) Jon needs to answer some questions.
Officer, she SAID she was 18!

8) Jon needs to come out of the closet.
A lie! A filthy lie!

9) I think Jon needs to move on.
I'm starting to think so too.

10. Jon needs to change his classroom management practices...
uhm... haven't we already covered this one?

11:27 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger eclectic said...

Don't you just love being told what you NEED?! I did this one, too and it cracked me up.

11:44 AM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

HAAHAHAHAHA! The hip dysplasia one cracked me up. I did this meme today for my blog, too. Great minds, sister. I will caveat that my needs are influenced by sharing a first name with J-Lo and Jennifer Anniston. And I don't need no Mark Anthony. But I could use a little Vince Vaughn....

12:02 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Maven said...

Speaking of mimes, whatever the fuck happened to Shields and Yarnell and hey what about Mumenschanz??

12:04 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

lol (sorry, can't get better than "lol", cuz I'm laughing too hard)

12:51 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Candy said...

Im so jilis, my meme says I am mildly retarded but they offer me NO crash helmet. what the fuck???

And clearly if you butch it up your going to have a hard time getting yourself a highballer and going to the Pimp's up Ho's down Ball this year, so I would say go with some gold lame' hot pants instead... and no bra...

12:52 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

That is an awesome meme!

Enjoy them sweets!

1:47 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Effie said...

I love the anime pic--so funny!!

3:05 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug - I was a busy little, um, beaver this weekend. Okay, we all know there's nothing little about my beaver. But figuratively speaking...
Oh, never mind. I look forward to an itemization of your, ahem, needs.

Mr. B - hey, if the insult fits...

Squirl - you always knew I was special needs, right?

Kitty - If you install handrails, Squirl has been instructed to give us pictures.

Nilbo - um, yes, that makes it allll better. How 'bout I bake you some cookies as a peace offering? No, no, that's not the sound of glass being ground up in the kitchen, why do you ask?

Mr. B - I'm clean, man! it was all that Canadian dude! The foreigner!!!!

Ghost - I think we all need help. Love your list, though. And you stay in the closet as long as you're comfortable there. Someone will bring you a sandwich.

Eclectic - just in case we didn't really know what we needed.

PlazaJen - twinkle twinkle, baby!

Nugget - we don't speak of mimes. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

Annejelynn - you ate Eclectic's "special" brownies, didn't you?

Jess - you can borrow my extra helmet. I try to keep a spare, in case I crack the one I'm wearing.
And I'm down with the gold lame' hot pants, but me with no bra in public? I don't have any shirts that could keep my nipples warm, at that angle.

Effie - I was told on flickr (comments on my anime picture) that I needed to cut down on the nose candy and the caffeine.

7:35 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Kassi Gilbert said...

The manga photo really creeped me out.

11:32 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Unknown said...

So I am on the trail of the source of Jessica's Meme. Now I must find out what I need.

11:48 PM, October 17, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Sure, blame the Canadian. Uh huh.

6:47 AM, October 18, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, another filthy Katy...found you from the Meme. I feel a sense of kinship, as close as a deeply southern family...Ahem. Anyway, come see my page.

9:43 PM, November 03, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you made my search easier. You missed a good one tho - 'Katy needs significant attention before pricing'!

1:36 PM, May 01, 2006  
Blogger katy said...

I'm a Katy too and aside from butch it up a little (which I am sure my husband is not going to appreciate) I found one that said "it sounds like katy needs it and needs it bad" which was from a site on spanking. My husband may be a little more interested in that one!

3:56 PM, June 23, 2007  
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1:22 AM, March 14, 2010  

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