This is what happens when I post sober

Warning: I will be talking about General Hospital in this post. But before your eyes glaze over, let me just say:

Look at my monkey! Right in its face! Look at my creased monkey!



What? What the fuck did you think I meant?

Okay, now that we've all faced my creased monkey and lived to tell the tale, let me get back to the GH agenda I whipped out earlier.

If ever there was soap royalty, it was was Luke and Laura. Their romance (but let's not talk about that first "date" - ahem) sparked even my interest back in the day (cavewoman talk for the 1980s), and unprecedented number of Americans tuned in every day to follow their convoluted but always entertaining misadventures. I can only conclude that this means Americans are very easily entertained.

Luke is still around, in between long vacations, and they've long since stuck Laura, unseen, in a catatonic state in some hospital. The show has never dared to recast its most overwhelmingly popular characters. And now, the only daughter of Luke and Laura, one Lulu Spencer, has been made a teenager and brought to the forefront of the storyline. One would think that the offspring of soap royalty would be treated with the same deference, in memory of the astronomically high ratings once achieved by mommy and daddy.

But this, instead, is what they chose to do to Lulu one day last week, when they had her walk in front of a vase full of red roses:




Please don't even tell me that's not by design. How disrespectful can you get? My lord, I was pissed - and got more and more pissed each minute I left it on pause and took pictures. I shook with righteous anger, so hard that it might perhaps have taken on the appearance of laughter. Of course, I would never find humor in something like this. That would be wrong.

Admittedly, I need help. Or better hobbies. Or lots of Play-Doh and a rubber room.