the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, January 16, 2006

What would the geeky bitch do?

After a day spent in denial, it's time for me to admit that I'm coming down with a cold. My throat's been swollen and several shades of irritated since I woke up this morning, and I've been trying not to laugh so I don't start the coughing. In other words, my body is in revolt, and it's more than a little revolting.

At some point, I probably had something in mind to post tonight, but rational, linear thought has been as elusive as a greased pig on a luge track. So I have decided to give myself over to shameless endorsement. Here is a short list of My Rectummendations, at No Additional Charge to You:

  • If you decide to start watching Babylon 5, and you know I've recommended that elsewhere, start with the second season. Watching the second and then the third season will make you curious enough to go back and watch the first season. You will be interested enough in the overall storyline that you will forgive the utter cheesiness of the first season because, may J Michael Straczynski forgive me, if you started with the first season, you might not make it. I love the show, really, enough to marry it, but even I have to snicker a little bit when I see episodes from the first season. Then again, come on - you have to love a show that features a line like "What do you want, you moon-faced assassin of joy?"

  • Find out when the northern lights are most likely to be visible, and arrange to be someplace far enough north and sufficiently dark to enjoy the view. Everyone should see the aurora borealis at least once, and if you can see those suckers more than once, then you're as lucky as I am. I've seen the lights all white, where it looked like the sky was made out of rippling, shimmering satin; I've seen the lights shoot bands of red, of blue, of green. I wonder what they'll look like next time? Okay, I'll stop with the nicey nice.

  • Go into the mall, with no children along, stand in an awkward pose in the middle of a crowded area, and loudly wail, "Uh ohhhhhh...POOP!" You will make lots of new friends that way.

  • Wear a bouffant wig to work for a whole day. I mean this whether you're female or male. It's a great stress reliever. Bonus points if you can find a plastic molded bouffant wig.

  • Make paperdolls out of figures you cut out of grocery store tabloids. I love to arrange play dates for Bat Boy and Kennedy's Brain. Sometimes they "borrow" Angelina's wardrobe (shhhhhhh, don't tell her).

  • Eat french toast with powdered sugar on it while wearing your jammies and watching Scooby Doo. I don't care how old you are - that's just pure entertainment there.

  • Have sex with Brad Pitt. Oh, wait. I should probably only recommend things I've actually done myself, huh? I don't care - I still think sex with Brad Pitt is a good idea. I don't know if it's a good idea for me to have sex with Brad. These thighs could make that poor boy whimper like an Ewok in a bear trap, and nobody wants that (with the possible exception of Ms. Aniston).

  • Mostly, I recommend that you not write a post when you're in a half-crazed state of mind like I am right now. On the other hand, if it gets any of you laid by Brad Pitt, then I can take some pride in my work here.
Can someone get me a Ny-Quil cocktail and a late wake-up call?

15 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Susie said...

Aw, Honey. I wish I'd known earlier. I would have said (and I still say, but earlier is better) get some Cold-Eeze lozenges. LG and I have scientifically proven that they really do shorten the duration of cold symptoms. I like some of these suggestions. I want to poop at the mall, with a bouf, then have sex with Brad Pitt. That's a fun day right there.

11:15 PM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

Go to www.paperdollheaven.com.
It's hilarious, and a little scary.
Though not as cool as Batboy.

12:20 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

There ya go with that french toast again...feel better soon.

4:59 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Hot green tea and a day off, that's what I'm suggesting. (I have a feeling there's a long list of people ahead of you in the Have Sex with Brad line.)

6:54 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

I hope you're taking today off. You didnt' sound that good last night when we were talking.

The northern lights are definitely worth seeing. I seen some colors and once it was just really big, bright, white light. Soooo cool!

Take care of yourself little sis.

7:20 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

One word... Sudafed.

8:23 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Effie said...

Standing in the mall and saying "uh-oh poop"--I can just imagine it....LOL

I hope eating french toast and playing with paper dolls will make you feel better--if not, throw in some play-doh figurines--that'll put a smile on your face, right?!

Hugs, chicken soup (and I make a good chicken soup) and hot toddies all day long,
Effie

9:03 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Feel better soon, Bucky!

You know, I've had sex with Brad Pitt. It's not all that great, really...

9:36 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Mike said...

Yeah, I really didn't like sex with Brad Pitt either.

I was in a mall once in Ann Arbor and something very similar to what you described happened there. Was that you?

10:33 AM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger whfropera said...

Bucky - I have always been in the "Val Kilmer yes, Brad Pitt no" camp.
Hope ya feel lots better.

12:26 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger hellokittn said...

So, what does an Ewok in a bear trap really sound like?

Zinc and Green Tea baby - get well soon hottie!

2:53 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Amy said...

French toast with powdered sugar! Just the thought makes me feel better about everything.

Sorry you sick, though.

4:36 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger dashababy said...

Po widdo Bucky gots a code. So why am I talking like that?
Anyway, I have seen the northern lights only once since it's not that common in No. Calif. but it scared me to death. I thought the world was on fire. The whole sky was orange. Didn't know what it was until the next day when everybody was talkin about it. It was awesome and scary because fires are a big problem in our area. We live in da woods and when da woods gets dry, bad tings happen.
Hope ya feel better!

7:44 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Northern Lights are perhaps the most beautiful display occuring in nature. I wish I could see them more often! In fact, watching them while having sex with Brad wearing a bouffant, well, life doesn't get much better.

Hope your cold disappears soon!

7:53 PM, January 17, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Get well soon, Bucky. :o)
When you eat French Toast, do you use a knife and fork, or do just pick it up with your fingers and dip it in the syrup?

8:02 PM, January 17, 2006  

Post a Comment

<< Home