One man's trash is another man's blackmail fodder
It's not often I get in a cleaning mood, but today has been one of those rare occasions. I've been shredding the amazing mountain of old bills I've managed to accumulate, and have also been trying to free up space in my home office. There are just things that have to go, and I'm on a mission.
But you might not be surprised to learn that I unearthed some objects that I could not, in good conscience, classify as "normal" - not even close.
The first specimin is from my years at Meijer (it was a Christmas present from my boss), and is a vintage Flintstones alarm clock.
Note the pterodactyl that rotates to represent the movement of seconds. This is one fancy godddamn clock. Somewhere, I have a matching wristwatch. It shall be my obsession 'til I find it, and then I can reunite the long-lost, star-crossed lovers.
I'm a little concerned about the alarm, though. Is it just me, or does this look like...somehow more than just an alarm meant to be rattled by a vibrating pterodactyl?
Is it perhaps less likely to be thrown 'cross the room if it looks like tits? I really could use these more strategically:
Oh, how they defy gravity. *sigh*
I also found something up here that I can't even honestly remember receiving. If you gave this to me, please refresh my memory.
Oh, like you've never found a penis candle underneath a stack of old utility bills. This must be in case of power failure. Or if there's ever a horny rat in the woodwork.
Make a wish...
Maybe I should clean house more often. Remember last month when we all prayed for dick? Hmmmm, I wonder...
And now, on a completely unrelated but equally absurd note, I give you the very latest in hairstyles for bats:
Why? Why the fuck not?
Epilogue: It has been determined that Bucky's worsened dementia tonight has been caused by the odor emitted from shredding Polaroids. Who knew those things put up such a stank as they died?
But you might not be surprised to learn that I unearthed some objects that I could not, in good conscience, classify as "normal" - not even close.
The first specimin is from my years at Meijer (it was a Christmas present from my boss), and is a vintage Flintstones alarm clock.
Note the pterodactyl that rotates to represent the movement of seconds. This is one fancy godddamn clock. Somewhere, I have a matching wristwatch. It shall be my obsession 'til I find it, and then I can reunite the long-lost, star-crossed lovers.
I'm a little concerned about the alarm, though. Is it just me, or does this look like...somehow more than just an alarm meant to be rattled by a vibrating pterodactyl?
Is it perhaps less likely to be thrown 'cross the room if it looks like tits? I really could use these more strategically:
Oh, how they defy gravity. *sigh*
I also found something up here that I can't even honestly remember receiving. If you gave this to me, please refresh my memory.
Oh, like you've never found a penis candle underneath a stack of old utility bills. This must be in case of power failure. Or if there's ever a horny rat in the woodwork.
Make a wish...
Maybe I should clean house more often. Remember last month when we all prayed for dick? Hmmmm, I wonder...
And now, on a completely unrelated but equally absurd note, I give you the very latest in hairstyles for bats:
Why? Why the fuck not?
Epilogue: It has been determined that Bucky's worsened dementia tonight has been caused by the odor emitted from shredding Polaroids. Who knew those things put up such a stank as they died?
Katy Barzedor proclaimed this to be so at 7:20 PM
14 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':
Nearly daily we use our glass Flintstones mugs that say RockDonald's on them. On the rare special occasions that brighten up life, I've been known to allow the use of the two remaining Return of the Jedi glasses from BK.
*heavy sigh* there used to be four of those in my collection.
You penis candle has a very strong resemblance to a penis straw I was given at my bachlorette party before I married my x.
hmmmmmm
That hairstyle is so TOTALLY her/him. Ahem. I likeded it. You should be a stairhylist for real.
I love that Flinstone clock.
That is pretty damn cool.
I have one of those penis candles in my drawer and I got it at a sex toy party I think.
Not that you needed to know that of course.
Oh, no. Don't shred the Polaroids. Some day, you'll need them for evidence. Of . . . something.
Sundenine-oh, that's just evil!
I love the alarm clock, but a teeny tiny penic candle?
That's just strange...
Now, oddly enough, I feel the urge to go find some...
Oh, God...who hasn't been on Polaroid? Hello?
Just me?
:::crickets:::
Shit! Now I can't run for public office. *sigh*
*sniff* Thanks for lighting up our lives, with PENIS CANDLES.
I think we should market the penis candles as "Dick Lites." Who's with me?
'K the Flintstone clock is the coolest thing ever. And this cross-dressing bat needs its own TV show, I really do believe.
Bucky, I'm reading your blog while watching a documentary on Jack Kerouac. How do I compare these?
There are no Flintstone clocks in this documentary.
Would that be considered an old "bat"tleaxe? Teehee
Amazing what you can find when you clean up, eh?! Love the clock--I think it might hurt to keep your girls up that high for long though!
Umm, Mrtl--what flavour were those penis cookies? Just curious....they weren't kinda salty tasting, were they?
Thanks, Bucky. You have brought laughter to me today when I felt like doing anything but laughing.
Hey! I think that chick in that last photo was a cheerleader at my old high school!
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