the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, January 12, 2006

In nineteen sixty-five-five-five

I was hunted down and tagged by Jim, clad in his signature prom gown, and he would like me to tell you five weird things about myself. The original meme was to list five bad habits, but I think I talk about my bad habits here plenty enough. So I'll be like Jim and stick to the weirdness.

Shit. Now I have to think of five weird things that aren't already apparent to you.

Uno: I am wearing a pair of Skechers sneakers that just slip on - no shoelaces, no velcro. I love them enough to marry them. I think they are the greatest shoes ever invented, and when I found them in the bargain store, I bought three pairs. I'm glad, because I don't even see this style on their web site anymore. I take a lot of flak for the fact that I'm too lazy to lace or velcro, but you know what? I've got a grabby little pucker for your tongue.

Dos: I own an embarassing number of guitars for someone who so rarely plays, and I would rather shove a pointy party hat up my ass than change the strings myself.
Anybody got a pointy party hat?

Tres: I once told Mitch Ryder that I used to listen to "Jenny Take a Ride" on my Close n' Play. Mitch did not look amused.

Fouro: I wouldn't want to live in a world without anal sex crab legs.

Fiveo: Let me list various items strewn about me in my home office: tampon angel, stuffed Opus penguin with a garter on his head, three skull shot glasses, pretzels, monkey pillow, Play-Doh in three separate areas of the room, mega butter body butter, broken penis candle, other monkey pillow, four (visible) Babylon 5 figurines, seventeen (visible) Homies, Guitar Army by John Sinclair (don't tell me you are shocked I have hippie relics about my house), a mismatched Flintstones alarm clock and wristwatch, and a toothbrush with a handle so thick and so bright pink that I'm almost afraid it will ejaculate if I stick it in my mouth.

24 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous FRIENDofthefamily said...

Nice office

10:29 PM, January 12, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

EVERYONE needs an Opus with a garter on his head.
I think my dad has one-garter less, unfortunately.
I totally heart Opus.

10:42 PM, January 12, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

Oh

My

God

Interesting toothbrush. And I wasn't wearing the prom gown - that's in the cleaners.

11:19 PM, January 12, 2006  
Blogger JD's Rose said...

I'm spun out by the toothbrush. Where can I get myself one of those?!

11:35 PM, January 12, 2006  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

Esquire magazine has a pic of a woman in assless chaps on the cover this month. I immediatly thought of you!

12:10 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

I want a toothbrush like the one you have...
:o)

12:13 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger hellokittn said...

Nike has a model of bungee shoes like sketchers used to that just slip on, I love them!

I can't live without anal sex either. What else would you dip in butter?

12:39 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Von Krankipantzen said...

A toothbrush like that for actual teeth?

1:50 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Uno: Those ain’t weird. I’d love sneakers that just slip on—I’m to fat to bend over and tie or Velcro mine.

Dos: I used to own a bunch of guitars—and a banjo—until I started selling them to pay Candy’s bills.

Hey! I don’t like changing strings either—especially on the 12-string guitar. But that is no excuse not to play a guitar. Remember: You promised to play if I did and I’m playing guitar every day now.

So here’s what you do: take your guitar to a music store, buy some strings, smile nicely at the clerk from behind your shades, and ask him to please put ‘em on the guitar because you’re afraid of breaking one of your 3 inch fingernails. P.S. ~ Don’t forget to wear the nails. (And don’t answer if the clerk asks you how you can play a guitar with 3” finger nails).

Tres: I can’t top that one—or even think of a smart-ass comment or question!

Fouro(?): hmmmm. (See tres above)

Cinco: I like Opus. I’ll trade you a Donald Duck and a Big Bird for him. What do those monkeys pillow? Tell us more about that toothbrush: does it serve secondary purpose?

2:21 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

At this point in my life, I own more pairs of shoes than I ever have at any one time. I'd like to thank eBay for that killer pair of boots that sort of started all that. Now if I could just get some fucker to pay my credit card bills so I could go buy more shoes.

7:20 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Nilbo said...

"For whiter teeth, every time!"

8:08 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

You have the coolest stuff. You had a Close n' Play? I always wanted a Close n' Play. Do you still have it? I'll trade you somethin' for it.

8:10 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger LadyBug said...

I hereby request photograph evidence of the massive pink schlong...er...I mean toothbrush in your office.

9:15 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger MilkMaid said...

EEK! I'd totally forgotten about close-n-plays!

::::::toothbrush envy::::::::

9:32 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Friendofthefamily - wait until I enumerate the stuff in the bathroom!

Madame D - you could always put your panties on his head...

Jim - see what you made me do? And we want the prom gown soon!

Kylz - my perverted dentist gave it to me. I just know it was a hint of some sort...

Bear - no shit? Now I gotta go check it out.

M_D - you just need to tell your dentist you're...lonely.

KChia - I like to use my ass as a butter cup for my crab legs. What? You didn't know I'm a contortionist?

Kranki - well, technically for teeth...but, you know...

SS Nick - haha, actually, I almost listed that as another weirdness - I can't STAND to have nails at all.

Mr. B - shall we call you..."Imelda"?

Nilbo - Pearly white! Now you know the Osmonds' secret.

Susie - whatcha wanna trade? Got a little pee-filled suitcase there anywhere?

LadyBug - what? The big pink schlong in my orifice?

MilkMaid - I guess CD players have rendered the Close n' Play obsolete...

10:02 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger hellokittn said...

Butter butt :P

10:36 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Um. Wow, Bucky. You're FUN! :)

10:55 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Nah, I'm still only coming in around 6 pairs, but for me, that's like a flood.

11:16 AM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Is there anything I could (read should) add to this?

12:39 PM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Ah, Bucky, again you prove to be a perfect woman! That you can’t stand having finger nails is so terrific! I know that the money I received from selling one of my guitars went to keep diva Candy in fingernails for the past year or so.

2:25 PM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger dashababy said...

Bucky,
First of all, I used to have those Sketchers shoes you are talking about, that is until I wore them out. I wore them to work everyday when I did hair because they were so comfortable. I didn't know they were weird. But then I also wore yellow Reeboks back when Reeboks were cool. Loved em so much, bought another pair. Wore em for about a month before I realized the left shoe was a size 10 and my right was an 8. My sister will never forgive me for the yellow Reeboks.
I have an Opus but he's wearing a Hawaiian hat and skirt. I also have a Snoopy dressed in a wizards outfit and a glow in the dark crystal ball.
You have cool stuff!

4:33 PM, January 13, 2006  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

So that you will be free of guilt, send the guitars my way and all will be right with the world.

Is that the John Sinclair that was associated with the MC5?

12:07 PM, January 14, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

/wanders aimlessly, too awestruck by this list to formulate appropriate reply.

12:22 PM, January 14, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

:::Hands Eclectic a double iced mocha:::
It's okay. Stay within the light...
If you must go to the dark side, bring a flashlight.

That is all I have to say for now. ;o)

5:32 PM, January 14, 2006  

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