the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Friday, March 17, 2006

Less blubbering through chemistry

Today was my last day at work.

I may have mentioned before that I've worked for this company my entire professional career; counting all capacities from humble to the overblown position I just left, I've been employed there for nearly 14 years. Here's hoping that looks like loyalty, and not lack of imagination, when future employers have a gander at my resumé.

Call it what you will, my ability and complete contentment to stay with the same organization for so long, with no end in sight. I knew today would be a hard day. The last week has already been really tough, with more and more people finding out that I'm divorcing my husband and my company at the same time, putting lots of shocked, nearly betrayed faces in my doorway lately. It's been all I can do not to burst into tears, so today I was preemptive and drugged myself during breakfast.

Now, my doctor's instructions were to take half a xanax in the morning, and the other half in the evening. I never take more than half at a time. I took a whole xanax with my Mickey D's egg bagel and orange juice this morning. I was able to hug six, maybe seven people without any stir of emotion even reaching the surface. Even the CEO of the company came up and told me how much I would be missed and shook my hand (the man willingly touched me! My stock went up with my letter of resignation, I guess). The xanax, in its full dosage, put me in my own deeply insulated little mind space, and while I was not particularly effective at my work, at least I was not reduced to a sobbing mass of geek under my desk.

I knew it was time for another big dose when Balulah came into my office with a gift bag for me. Damned if it didn't get me choked up readin' the card, and I hadn't even opened the present yet. Balulah and her husband kick ass, in case I hadn't mentioned that before. They got me a super-sharp engraved money clip:

Engraved money clip - already filled
The engraving says "KTard Rumcake" - one of my many lovely nicknames. And yes, the money did come with the clip!

So, I did what any respectable tough girl would do - I popped another whole xanax. And it's a good thing I did, because not long after that, Arjay brought me the present he and his wife had gotten me. I'm still pinching myself, first of all because it just feels good, and secondly, I can't believe they did it - they got me a fucking 30GB video iPod.

My new iPod
You know I'm gonna carry the Quasimodo video around on this, right?

And they also had my iPod engraved:

Engraving on my new iPod
I know it's hard to see anything in this shot but the reflection of my camera, but the engraving says "Katy - Glory one song before I go" - it's a quote from a song in RENT. I am sooo getting myself an iTrip for this tomorrow.

Today was my last day at work. That could mean one of two things: Either I would be stripped of my keys and walked out to my car by security personnel, or there would be cake. Luckily, in this case, I took the cake. Only, by my request, it wasn't exactly cake.

Let me say something here. We celebrate a lot of birthdays at work throughout the year, and the celebrations are often accompanied by either some cake I can't stand (I would rather eat a popsicle that's been up a cat's butt than eat a bite of carrot cake, for instance), or it's a production number with cake or pie, strawberries, whipped topping, ice cream...none of that seemed like a good idea to me for my going-away party. And, since it was my party, I could afford to be a prima donna about the whole thing. Balulah asked me for three days what kind of cake I wanted for my party. I hemmed and hawed, asked for angel's food cake, then changed my mind because that would require strawberries and the like, requested cinammon rolls, changed my mind again...just about the point where Balulah was going to give me a cake made from the sole of her shoe swiftly kissing my face, I hit upon the perfect solution:

Twinkies
TWINKIES, motherfucker!

I must say, throwing Twinkies to everyone at the table was a helluva lot more fun than cutting cake, scooping ice cream, remembering who wants frosting pieces and who doesn't...no, dude, just let me throw Twinkies at you!

But the thrill didn't end with Twinkies for me. The folks in my division had all chipped in and bought me even more presents! I never realized how popular I would be in my hour of departure.


Don't pen me in
The pen is engraved "Katy" and it writes smooooooooth...


The girl, the gold watch, and everything
Now there's no way I can forget what time it is, or what my name is.

You have to understand, I have a real thing for pocket watches; they have always fascinated me, all my life. I've only owned one other one, given to me by Squirl on my 16th birthday. This one has a flip-up lid on it. It's so cool, I might just wear that and nothing else.

Did I mention that I wore my chaps at work today? Well, not all day. That just wouldn't have been comfortable. But I wore them most of the afternoon because, as I have been saying for the last two weeks, "What are they gonna do - fire me?" Balulah followed me around with a really nice camera for the better part of the day, so there will be more pictures when I get them from her. I promise you assless chaps with a side of inappropriate tongue. What? I'm not totally responsible for what I write here, as I have recently returned from drinks with Arjay and his Missus. Like last week, it's the tequila talking.

Perfect margarita
The perfect margarita is the one that happens to be in front of me at any given time.

So now, I'm back at the house, charging up my iPod, savoring the incredibly sweet cards and gifts I received, figuring out that some people actually like me, and realizing through my tequila buzz that the last dose of xanax has worn off completely, and that I'm gonna miss those geeky fuckers.

I'll be that whimpering, quivering mass over in the corner, with the kick-ass watch.

27 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger JessicaRabbit said...

Dude, that margarita glass is almost as big as one of my boobs!!!!


Hey, go back to work and then quit again, I want an Ipod too.


You scored the big schwag. Your like a celebrity at an awards show.

1:01 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Margarita, cha-cha-cha!

Damn, you did good! *shakes head* My company would never do that. They just wouldn't. Wow!
Lucky Bucky! :oD
Twinkies and all...

1:18 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Thank goodness for Xanax! So glad you could get through the day okay. I teared up a little when I read the e-mail you sent me yesterday.

Those are some really nice gifts you received. And you finally have another pocket watch. :-)

Bigger and better things are ahead for you. ;-)

7:33 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Buffy said...

Holy crap! An iPod.

Holy crap! A whole xanax.

The last good leaving gift I got (I leave often) was a bottle of bollinger some partner forgot to give his client.

I usually only get mini hand lotion and magnets.

7:34 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Nilbo said...

Of course they love you. How can they not? People love people who make them laugh.

And who wear assless chaps. And post the pictures.

8:05 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Mike said...

Not everyone can walk away clean with a lot of really nice gifts. I am sure when I leave my job they will expect me to give them presents, and I probably will..just not what they are hoping for.

Congratulations on all the cool stuff and good luck on your next job.

8:31 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

People love people who are good people. I'm crying and you're not even fucking leaving me. *sniff* Are you? Katy?

Every happiness to you, girl.

8:33 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger hemlock said...

What I love most about this, is that they got you shit that YOU wanted...twinkies, a pocket watch, a FUCKING iPod!!...not just the typical "we're gonna miss you shite".

10:36 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Nina said...

You are loved and never forget it . . . knowing that helps when you start a new journey. An iPod, and to think they could of had you for two dollars. :)

10:48 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Mmmm, Twinkies!

The send-offs are hard. They're always just a call or email away though. And sometimes that's not far enough, but you can always not answer the phone. :)

11:40 AM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

MMMM... twinkies:) Yanno you can make a decent tirimisu out of those thangs?

Good luck again in your transition and your new endeavors.

I, for one, cannot wait to read what happens to you next, and where you land (as far as your next job).

My "exit wish" for you would be that you are just as blessed in your new environ as you were in your last... no scratch that... make it a bit MORE blessed.

I remember the last place I worked in Jersey before moving to NY, the last month I was there, I had to be doped up with Celexa. Good stuff!

12:18 PM, March 18, 2006  
Anonymous torrie said...

Imagine what kind of gifts you would receive if you had an internet going away party!

12:22 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Don't even start with the internet going-away shit, Torrie. It fires up all my abandonment issues...! ;)

Buckster, I'm glad you were able to feel the high regard from the people you've spent so much time with -- they're lucky to have had you for so long.

All good things to you, sis.

1:31 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Well, shit. Everyone else has taken all of the good sentiments.

May there always be a song in your heart, may your Ipod be full of goodness, may your Xanax bottle be full, and may your sun always shine.

There. I can post something without using a lot of damns, shits, and fucks.

Who knew!

4:48 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

My dear Bucky, saying good-bye is never easy—at least I never have for it to be. I hear the grief you went through yesterday.

That’s the blubbering of your post. The chemistry portion indicates to me that the when you wrote this post the Xanies were still in your system. At my count, there was only one “fucking,” one “cat’s butt,” one “motherfucker,” one “assless chaps,” one “fuckers,” and one “kick ass.” This has definitely not been a typical Bucky post and I deem that is a result of the load of Xanax you have in your system.

On another note: I hope the Xanax hasn’t prevented you from feeling the enormous love all of those folks have for you. You are loved by many, many people—including one sometimes saintly guy.

All that said, let that overdose of Xanies drain from your system and write a kiss-ass, shit-filled post for tomorrow.

7:55 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Hugs to you, Bucky. Every ending is a new beginning.

10:33 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

Jess - A celebrity at an awards show? Huh! Guess I got the red carpet to go with the drapes now, eh?
And that's an optical illusion - nothing is as big as one of your boobs.

M_D - Oh, don't think I didn't take total childish delight in whippin' Twinkies at co-workers in the board room. That just doesn't go over as well with chocolate cake.

Squirl - I know things will be a ton better soon. It was just nice to have some defense against going all weepy schoolgirl at work. Just can't be seen doin' that shit.

Buffy - I was taken totally off guard! Either these folks liked me a lot, or they're awfully glad I'm leaving.
But really - hand lotion and magnets? No wonder you left all those cheap bastards!

Nilbo - Oh, thou shalt have pictures, when Balulah gets them to me (I'll be haunting the place next week). Though there's probably too much denim for your taste. You know, it's covering my ass.

Mike - thanks! And make sure you leave their "presents" where they won't be found until...later.

Susie - awwww, no way am I leavin' youse guys! Y'all don't even hog the blankets.

LeafGirl - I was astounded by the thoughtfulness that went into it all. I must not have pissed people off as badly as I thought!

Nina - Some of the gift givers read my blog. They know my going rate...
Knowing that makes it all especially touching!

Mr B - Yeah, they're not really rid of me yet. I'm still cleaning out my office (I KNOW!), and I have some bizness with my boss this week. I just hope they don't think I'm tryin' to shake 'em down for more presents.

Nugget - thanks! Yeah, the Twinkies made the whole thing a little easier. I GOT TO THROW TWINKIES IN THE BOARD ROOM in case I didn't mention it before. It doesn't get a lot better than that.

Torrie - oh, people offer me stuff to go away all the time.
You think it's a coincidence you don't ever see Bill Clinton and me together?

Eclectic - thanks sis! And don't worry, I'm not leaving the Cotillion (translated: you can't get rid of me that easily and without promises of cash and lifetime supplies of Play-Doh and spaghetti sauce).

Bone Machine - Damned if you ain't the fuckin' shit! :)

SS Nick - that is so sweet! If I wasn't still riding on yesterday's xanax train, I might be a bit verklempt! I did feel the love at work. But I'm not sure whose hand it was, so I can't really go to HR about it...

10:39 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Bucky Four-Eyes said...

CKelli - thanks, girl! I know my life will be a million times better soon. Just gotta wade through a little of the red tape of life first!

10:42 PM, March 18, 2006  
Anonymous jd's rose said...

How cool is that?! Everybody loves Bucky. Awwwww.

As one door closes another opens.

xxx

11:04 PM, March 18, 2006  
Blogger Madame D said...

That is really, really, sweet.
"They like me! They really like me!"

I, too, can't wait to see who you get to harass next...

11:50 PM, March 18, 2006  
Anonymous lawbrat said...

Xanax is good.

I wish you well in what comes next, and the red tape is easily cut through.

1:10 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger abcd said...

Nice gifts, really nice gifts. I love
the pocket watch. I have a "thing"
for watches.

You will be missed at your job. I can
only imagine the laughs you provided,
and I am sure you were an outstanding
worker.


Good-Luck
Nikki

7:44 AM, March 19, 2006  
Blogger Michele in Michigan said...

mmmmmmmm.............CatButt Popsicles........mmmmmmmmmmm.

3:09 PM, March 19, 2006  
Anonymous minxlj said...

Wow, I can't believe they got you an iPod...how cool is that???!!!!!

We don't have Xanax over here. Or Twinkies, for that matter. But I'm sure both are FUN :)

10:36 AM, March 21, 2006  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

It's my Vulgarian heritage.

4:15 PM, March 21, 2006  
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