the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Monday, March 13, 2006

Randumb wisdumb

Bugged out four-eyes
Don't it make my green eyes red?

  • It wasn't that long ago that I cleaned in my home office, tossed out years and years' worth of crap, but now I am looking at the items stacked around the room, the closet, the desk, with a different eye, the Moving Eye. The Moving Eye sees things differently from the Cleaning Eye. The Cleaning Eye sees things that can be kept because they can just be shoved right back where they were with little effort. The Moving Eye sees things that will likely never be used again, and therefore are impractical (some bordering on the stupid) to bring along to my new headquarters.

    Don't worry, people - you don't really think I'd leave a single toy behind, do you? The action figures and the old notebooks are non-negotiable. I also vow that when I get moved, I will take my favorite nine-inch toys out of the box finally, and take some pictures.

    You sick fucks, I mean my deluxe Babylon 5 action figures. Get your collective minds out of the gutter.

  • Actually, don't. You should never be far from the gutter when you read my posts. If you are too far away, it will only hurt worse when I drag you down, yet again, and scoop you through the floating things we'd all rather not talk about.

  • When I had nipple rings, I used to fantasize about tying helium balloons to them and getting a little assistance in my fight with gravity. But now I realize that would've just looked like two naked weasels were attacking my face.

  • You think I could get my twat tattooed to look like a coin purse? I think the worst part would be inking the zipper on the labia.

    Maybe I should have it done up to look like Chumley from Tennessee Tuxedo:

    chumley.jpg

    Or maybe it should resemble Dr. Zoidberg from Futurama:


    zoidberg.gif

  • I may post about my digestive distress when I get liquored up, but here I am totally sober, talkin' about makin' my vagina look like a walrus. On purpose. So, do you guys prefer the drunk obnoxiousness (for which there is an excuse), or the sober obnoxiousness (for which there is no excuse)? Paper or plastic? Ginger or Maryanne? Oral or rectal?

    Aw, dammit, I promised I wouldn't talk about my ass. Although, I wasn't especially talking about my own ass there, so I think I'm still good.

    Just another ass-free day down at Cotillion Court.

16 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger OneCrueGirl said...

Damn, I have the Cleaning vs. Moving Blues too! It sucks more than a toothless hooker on Friday night.
But really, I don't think anyone's vag should EVER look like a sea creature. A mean biting snake, maybe, but a sea creature, never! Or maybe a tarantula. Or a grizzly bear.

9:14 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Squirl said...

Maybe some dentata?

9:26 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

Oh, Bucky...you ought to know by now that as a sick fuck, I must automatically think of nine-inch toys of the battery-operated variety.
It's the law.

As for your tattoo, I believe a monkey is in order...

10:46 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Jim said...

Dammit, Bucky, every time I think I might pitch-hit for the other team you go and do something like this.

Of course, I never REALLY think of pitch hitting for the other team and I get a big ol' kick out of your nasty shenanigans, but that's not the point.

10:51 PM, March 13, 2006  
Blogger Closet Metro said...

Sober, paper, Maryanne, oral.

12:45 AM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger eclectic said...

Forget the tattoo... just get a coin-operated clit ring.




Wha?? I can be gutter, too.

1:47 AM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Now I have a new version of The King's "In the Ghetto" on my mind.

As the snow flies
On a cold and gray Michigan mornin'
A poor little Bucky child is thinking
In the gutter

7:10 AM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Hi! Happy Tuesday!

Bucky, sober or not, you're still one of my favorite people.

8:58 AM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

..she's got her knickers in a bind
and the payments on her car are way behind
in the gutter

10:22 AM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger OneCrueGirl said...

Ya know, Buckster, I have this book called "The Big Book of Filth." It has every single slang term you can imagine, for every single male or female body part, body function, body fluid, etc. And then some. Google it. Maybe I'll send you some delightful snippets...like "helmut juice" or "beef curtains."

12:24 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Pissy Britches said...

Are you moving sooooon??????
You are moving??? hehehe.
You are one funny lady.

2:31 PM, March 14, 2006  
Anonymous kalki said...

I come here to get my gutter groove on. Long live the gutter.

5:48 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... said...

Speaking of twats and coinpurses...

www.crochetmycrotch.com

I highly recommend it:)

5:53 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Susie said...

Everything closet metro said. Plus, I really am stuck on the helium balloons/nipple ring thing. That could work.

6:52 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I should have read this last night when I was totally exhausted: I needed a trip to the gutter. Thanks, Bucky: your idea of a “moving eye” has me looking at all of the crap in my library differently.

9:38 PM, March 14, 2006  
Blogger Jeffs place said...

coo coo ka choo

3:43 PM, March 15, 2006  

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