the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Hold the "s" because I am an ain't

Let me start with a heartfelt expression of what's first and foremost in my mind: Saint Valentine can go fuck himself in the ass with Cupid's arrow.

There, now don't we all feel bitter, I mean, better? Good, then let's move on.

Moving on. That was my plan for Thursday. I was going to throw my TV and the last of my clothes in the back of the car, gather up the kitties, and make my final push to Grand Haven. That was the plan, anyway.

But, inevitably, the best-laid plans of mice and men don't get laid at all. I was basing this timetable on a weather forecast that dates from sometime last week, and if you take a gander at a weather map of the midwest, you'll see that my optimistic estimates have been shot to hell. If it were just me, I'd brave it and drive at 15 MPH in the snow to get there, if only for the fact that my telephone service is scheduled to be installed on Friday, and I kind of have to be there when that happens. Those damned demanding installers, always wanting to be paid on time and petty shit like that.

However, there's no fucking way I'm going to chance a drive like that with the cats in the car. I'm sure this will be unpleasant enough for them if I can make it there in the usual five hours. Risking a trip with them where it might take twice that long, or where I might slide off the road or into another car because of the snow? That is completely out of the question. So I will have to reschedule my phone installation, and will camp out here for a few more days. Hopefully, Motherfucker Nature (that bitch) complies with my new plans.

Speaking of the cats, I don't think I've mentioned my third amigo here yet. Of course, Friday and Thirteen are my babies and are coming with me. I've been loving up the other animals here, all of whom I will miss as though fifteen holes have been cut out of my soul. Of all the really tough parts, though, the one that was tearing me to shreds worse than any others was the thought of leaving Eeyore behind. The poor shy, skittish boy has stomped his way into my heart just a little deeper than everyone else has, and I clutched him to me every single chance I had, trying to make each moment last as close to an eternity as possible. He is my little boyfriend.

When I was gone a couple of trips ago, a week-long excursion to get my house business finalized, I came back to tales of how Eeyore wouldn't leave my room, and how he seemed disheartened that I was away. I could scarcely believe what I was hearing, and had to pinch myself to check for dreamingness, when Jess said that she and Nick had been talking about having Eeyore move with me. It's not that he's not loved here, and wouldn't be missed terribly, but they thought his quality of life would be better with me - not only are he and I bonded pretty deeply, but I don't have any dogs at my new house, and Eeyore has never been fond of the dogs. We figure this sweet boy has got to be about 18 years old, and we all agree that whatever is best for Eeyore's well-being and happiness is what should happen. Of course, I was delighted to acquiesce. Nothing would make me happier than to crown Eeyore the king of my new castle, and to spoil him rotten for the rest of his years, of which I hope there will be many.

I made sure Jess discussed it with Steve and Derek, and with her ex, since Eeyore used to be his buddy, too. No sense in having anybody upset or hurt that I eloped with my little boyfriend.

Side note: When I refer to Eeyore as "my little boyfriend," I mean it in a totally platonic, he-stomps-in-my-hair and he-sleeps-on-my-head-and-purrs way. I did not have sex with that cat, Mr. Eeyore Bubbies. Thank you.

So, everyone involved has been informed of the plan, and it seems that we all agree that it's the best thing for the ancient yet majestic Eeyore. And, selfishly, I have to admit that it makes the whole thing just a little less heartbreaking for me.

In the meantime, as I wait for a break in the weather, I will be chasing the other animals around the house, ready to pet whiskers with one hand and snap pictures with the other, doing my best to bend each moment into a small eternity.

23 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger thatfarmgirl said...

Glad you are keeping yourself and the kitties safe. Eeyore is a lucky little guy to be making the rest of his journey with you. You're amazing.

7:27 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

"bend each moment into an eternity"...yes. Susie mentioned this, and I'm very glad for all concerned, especially you, Bucky. Fiero is my own night hair-stomper and frankly, if I had to pick, I'd rather have him than the Cap'n in bed with me at night (and the Cap'n knows this.) Safe travels.

8:46 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Squirl said...

Second time to comment. Did the first make it and I just didn't catch it?

9:11 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

Gee, thanks. Talking about men that don't get laid. I really appreciate that.

*kicks dirt*

9:24 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Oh good...Eeyore is probably very happy too.

Be safe, dear.

9:30 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger PlazaJen said...

I'm glad Sir Eeyore is going with you. I'm sorry your heart hurts.
May the upcoming weeks and months lighten your spirits as your new chapter begins.

9:57 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Bone Machine said...

Winter is shit.

10:15 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

Well, shit. (That's a quote from CK, btw.) I was thinking your day would be different. But then, so were you. I hope the roads are clear soon, and that you and your three amigos are soon snuggled in at home. Much love to you.

10:47 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

***ahem... Is this thing on? It is? Oh, okay. ahem***

"The kittens need someone older and wiser telling them what to do-ooo.

Eeyore's 17 going on 18, he-eee'll, take ca-are, of you."

(apologies to the Sound of Music)

Take lots of pictures with your extra time, maybe even some you can post?

Be safe, Bucky. Come home soon.

10:56 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yesterday, I was just driving around town in this snow and shit, and it sucked. I can't imagine trying to drive to Michigan in it!

Be safe, Buckster.

1:30 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Platypus said...

Thinking of you and the boys, Bucky. You keep safe with all that white stuff, OK? Snow! I meant snow!

4:17 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Kranki said...

Ah, who needs a human Valentine when you have a kitty boyfriend? I know this because I have an unhealthy inter-species platonic lesbian realtionship with Yoshi. The only way it could be better is if she bought me chocolate.

5:33 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger I'm not here. said...

*dancing alone in a corner to Eclectic's song, snaps out of it*
I agree with you on the St. Valentine's Day stuff.
Becker said it best when he said (paraphrasing here) "The only person who really knew how to celebrate St. Valentine's Day was Al Capone!"
*sending travel mercies your way*

7:24 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Ortizzle said...

Eeyore was clearly meant to drift along with you.

Good luck waiting for a clearing.

9:06 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger dmmgmfm said...

Lucky Eeyore and lucky you. I hope your trip goes well when you are finally able to make it.

9:11 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hey, Bucky, Saint V was fucked-at least he was supposedly decapitated on February 14.

No, don't risk the cats driving in these conditions. More importantly, don't risk yourself! My heartfelt congratulation on your adding Eyore to your new household.

My blessings to all of you.

9:43 PM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Charlotte in Pa said...

Have a safe trip, Bucky! I hope that you don't get pulled over because I can't imagine what they'd find if they searched your car. "Excuse me? Do you mind telling me why you have a monkey with a dildo?" No one wants to have to go through that.

11:23 AM, February 15, 2007  
Blogger eclectic said...

Aiunt Bea never queefed in her whole life, you take that back!!

5:25 PM, February 15, 2007  
Blogger here today, gone tomorrow said...

I'm embarrassed to admit that I had to go to to find out what a "queef" was. Now I know, and my life is the richer for this knowledge. It always pays to check in on the Cotillion...

6:45 PM, February 15, 2007  
Blogger Susie said...

I'm with Eclectic here. Don't make us get a petition.

7:34 PM, February 15, 2007  
Blogger minxlj said...

Aww bless, Eeyore's movin' house!! Glad to hear he'll be staying with you, he is a cutie! Looking forward to seeing future pics of him :-)

8:55 AM, February 16, 2007  
Blogger hemlock said...

I'm sure Eeyore will loves hi new abode and living arrangements. Lucky guy!

9:31 AM, February 17, 2007  
Blogger greatwhitebear said...

If anybody was gonna queef, it would be Aunt Bea. Rumor has it she was cavernous.

11:00 PM, February 17, 2007  

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