the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Who needs a locksmith?

Lately:

  • I finally, after two years of dicking around with it intermittently, beat Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. The final mission is a cocksucker! Breathing a sigh of relief and starting a non-GTA game.

  • Last week, I kicked in a locked door. That's right, bitches, I'm a bad-ass motherfucker.

    Oh, alright, so it was a mobile home door; that in no way detracts from the overall butchiness of the deed.

  • When visiting a friend in the psych hospital the other day, as I sat in the waiting room, I was absent mindedly grooving along to the lite pop being pumped in at a tasteful volume through the waiting room speakers. Then it dawned on me that the current tune was Madonna's Crazy For You. Oh, how appropriate! It was everything I could do not to start giggling, which would have been a bad thing in the psych hospital, seeing as I was sitting alone. I think laughing to myself for no apparent reason is probably best avoided while doctors are watching.

  • On that note, I can tell you that if you visit a friend in the psych hospital, and you bring along Play-Doh for her amusement, you will be the most popular person in the rec room.

  • Okay, now that I've started in on the psych hospital, why stop?

    On the door that takes visitors into the patient area, you have to be buzzed in by a guard. On the visitor side of the door, there is a sign that reads: High risk of elopement. Now, why didn't they just say something like Watch for patient escapees! or They gonna try to get out here! ?
    When I see High risk of elopement, all I can picture is a montage of patients in wedding gowns and tuxes made from hospital gowns, busting through the door hand in hand, still repeating their vows of "I love penguins!" and "Hot pink tuba!" as they slip past their captors and escape to a life of wedded, highly medicated bliss.

    I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.

  • If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, did it make a sound? I dunno, maybe you should ask those crushed baby squirrels.

11 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Wow! Kickin’ in trailer doors! You is a bad-ass, Bucky!

My experiences with mental hospitals, including the couple where I’ve been on staff, is that sometimes you need a “Cast of Characters” to differentiate the staff from the patients.

“High risk of elopement” is the kind of euphemism that the mental heath profession uses to prove its members are more educated that its clients, which ain’t always the case.

9:17 PM, January 10, 2008  
Blogger Squirl said...

Crushed baby squirrels? Oh, how cruel.

6:56 AM, January 11, 2008  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

Bucky, you are one hopelessly romantic bad ass kicking down the door mo'fo!

Sheesh... trees killing baby squirrels?! I didn't know trees could be so mean!

10:19 AM, January 11, 2008  
Blogger Flying Mermaid said...

Sounds to me like you better rush right out and rent "King of Hearts"!

11:15 AM, January 11, 2008  
Blogger eclectic said...

Play Doh is ever popular, no matter where you go. I suggest taking some to work with you. Leave it in the breakroom, and I swear, it will be mauled by the end of the day. Even if you work at a university or a law firm. True story.

12:46 PM, January 12, 2008  
Blogger Momentarily_Distracted said...

The Squirrels got better, right?


"What makes you say she's a witch?"
"She turned me into a Newt!"
"..."
"I got better."
"Burn her anyway!"

-Quest for the Holy Grail

6:43 PM, January 12, 2008  
Blogger Kimblahg said...

i would have been laughing till i cried if i heard, "crazy for you" at the psych ward

2:08 AM, January 13, 2008  
Blogger Kelly said...

I would be so overly self conscious in that waiting room, hoping that I wouldn't do anything to get myself committed! And laughing at "Crazy for You" would be the start! That's hysterical!

12:12 PM, January 14, 2008  
OpenID thelairoftheplatypus said...

Crushed Squirls? That's just mean...

2:59 PM, January 14, 2008  
Blogger Jim said...

OMG you're cracking me UP. I'm glad you were successful at kicking down the door, not like that "Jack Sparrow Burglar" on YouTube (which happened here in Washington).

2:39 PM, January 16, 2008  
Blogger Circus Kelli said...

I'm beginning to think Bucky's locked herself out of her house... or her computer at the very least... ;)

9:10 AM, January 17, 2008  

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