the Bucky Four-Eyes Cotillion

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

So why don't you marry it?

If you know me, you know that good food is one of my great joys in life. The mere mention of certain restaurants is enough to make my taste buds throb in anticipation like engorged genitalia awaiting sweet violation. One of these eateries is Badawest, and if you ever crave some fine, fine Lebanese cuisine when you're in the Flint area, I highly recommend you take the time to stop in and savor their culinary delights.

So it was with no resistance whatsoever that I recently accepted several co-workers' invitation to have lunch at Badawest. There were a few of us from different departments there, including one fellow from our sales department (but I like him anyway). The five of us were happily diggin' into our schwarma and gallaba and hummous and such when a former co-worker approached our table. Lisa is a very sweet, bubbly girl, but is given to fits of blondeness (no offense to the blonde among you; I was considered blonde until I was 20 or so). She used to work in our sales department, so she and the current sales guy started conversing in that direction as she stood beside our table.

Invevitably, talk turned to his current/her former boss, a chap by the name of Richard. Lisa was crackin' some good-natured but slightly insulting jokes at Richard's expense (as he was not there to defend himself), and the bunch of us were having a good laugh about it. Then, I guess, Lisa felt the need to let us know that there were really no hard feelings toward her former supervisor.

So, at the top of her lungs, Lisa announced to us and to everyone in the restaurant: "Oh, I'm just kiddin'. I LOVE DICK!"

I was stunned for a second, thinking Oh my fucking god, did she just say that out loud?
Then I looked over at Arjay, and he had his hand over his face. I could see one eye peeking out at me, and the corner of his mouth fighting the smirk that was forming. Everyone else, to their credit, gave no visible hint that they were seconds away from dying of internalized laughter, even as Lisa repeated, for clarity, "No, really, I LOVE DICK!" Everyone in the restaurant was lookin' over at her by that point, and I just hoped she'd go away before I exploded. Arjay started to shake and clutched his hand over his face even more tightly. I took the opportunity to snort into my napkin under the pretext of sneezing.

I was grateful that Lisa was on her way out of the restaurant when she stopped by our table, and as soon as she was out the door, we all looked at each other and then, as one, began to howl with laughter. Some of the other patrons joined in.

I'm thinkin' they need to have some little cards you can fill out on the tables at Badawest now. The cards should say something such as:

I like Dick, do you like Dick?
Check one: ___Yes ___No

Which would you check?

17 of you felt the overwhelming need to say somethin':

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, I'm sorry, what were you saying? You lost me after "throb in anticipation like engorged genitalia awaiting sweet violation."
And then I read "crave some fine, fine LESBIAN cuisine"

Oh, dear. I'm all flustered now.

11:26 AM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Torrie said...

...engorged genitalia awaiting sweet violation....

I can always count on you to make my day.

You should write greeting cards.

11:29 AM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...


11:41 AM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

yes, as in, yes, I like dick (ooh!)

11:42 AM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Joseph said...

OMG! I love Dick!!! Dick is my best friend! He goes everywhere with me, he even holds my hand when I got to the bathroom.

11:46 AM, April 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See Dick run. Run Dick, run. I'm sorry - I can't deal with a runny dick.

11:51 AM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Mr. Bloggerific Himself said...

I'm proud of her. I'm sure it took a long time and a lot of therapy for her to cum to that realization and declaration for all things Dick.

12:04 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

I like dick.

12:49 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

LadyBug, you shock me, simply shock me! You used to be such a nice girl. What did Nancy Drew do to you? may be onto something with the Lesbian cuisine. Badawest does serve Red Snapper.

See, isn't this a nice harmonious balance? In the same set of comments, we have Lesbian cuisine and a bevy of dick lovers. I love diversity.

And dick.

1:00 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Squirl said...

Then there was this woman from work who was having a drink with some co-workers. They were talking home and work stuff.

You see, she's married to a guy named Peter, has a son named Peter and her boss's name is Peter.

So somewhere in the conversation she got confused which one they were talking about. In a voice that's just a little too loud (after a drink) she said, "I just have too many Peters in my life."

Her table was silent and everyone else in the bar was looking at her. She's probably forgotten about this. Maybe I'll just go remind her....

1:20 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Dick in the box.

Now I'm sorry I didn't have kids.

2:15 PM, April 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is awesome. Right up there with the teabagging.

This makes me think of the movie DICK with Kirsten Dunst, its about watergate and these two little hippie girls, and they find out about everything and they are deep throat, so Dick comes after them and they run around saying stuff like, Dick is ruining my life, and I love Dick, and Dick is after us!!

Its great. Plus, they get him high with cookies.

ahhhh cookies.

8:10 PM, April 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't.

8:11 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Susie said...

"engorged genitalia awaiting sweet violation"

That's just beautiful. And on the survey, put me down as a "YES." Thank you.

8:42 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Katy Barzedor said...

Well, we seem to have a lot of "yea" votes for Dick. Several have abstained from voting, and one is on the fence.

I just can't help myself with the food/sex metaphors. The nymphomaniac gourmet. Don't even get me started on crab legs...

9:19 PM, April 19, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bucky, I'm still a nice girl.

But...even nice girls have needs.

10:27 PM, April 19, 2005  
Blogger Annejelynn said...

in a spacey, not-focusing-on-my-work moment, I people actually experience a craving for Lebanese food with any kind of regularity?

3:27 PM, April 20, 2005  

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